Missing Her

Titus sat in his tent, exhaustion filled him to the bones. He hasn't been able to stay asleep for more than two hours every night. He knew that this wasn't healthy and he needed to sleep to recover his full strength but he just couldn't.

He stared at the papers in front of him, the ammoniation around him and felt the dread set in.

His nightmares were getting more and more vivid to the point that he could hardly tell the difference between his dreams and reality.

It always feels so real, sometimes he would dream of Rosalind sitting right next to him. Stroking his head. He hoped that the war was his dreams and the Rosalind beside him was real but those dreams never end well.

Rosalind.

He worried about her every day. Was she eating well? What is she doing? How much does she miss him? As much as he does? He missed how she felt, soft like the petals of the flowers she tended to with great care. Right now he would give anything just to hear her voice because she never spoke in his dreams, but he couldn't get even that.

He chuckled to himself, he really is lovesick. Who knew the day would come that he, Titus Hangzo, the man who never formed any attachments with anyone, would fall this deeply in love.

As a child, he grew up with his grandfather being the only family he had left. His parents were killed in the Civil War that broke out.

His grandfather always taught him to be independent, not to show any signs of emotions or it could mean his doom. His grandfather was a major himself and this lead to Titus's desire to get into the army. He grew up hearing stories of his grandfather's exploits, he easily became his hero.

However, he knew nothing about his parents. His grandfather refused to tell him and because he spent all his time training with him and his friends, he did not meet any of his parents' friends or any children. So they remain a mystery all his life.

His grandfather took him wherever he went, making sure he knew to be prepared for anything. He took him to the training grounds from the age of six and when he turned thirteen, he was allowed to start holding a gun.

He learned to shoot arrows and even spears, making weapons out of anything he could find.

For his fifteenth birthday, his grandfather set up a test for him. He had to survive in the forest by himself.

He still remembered the fear that coursed through him that day. Grandfather told him that he was taking him somewhere for his birthday and he did take him, to another country.

After they arrived and rested, grandfather took Titus to the back of the house. The house is situated on the edge of a cliff. Seeing the vast forest below him, Titus shrunk back.

"Titus." Grandfather's voice boomed.

"Yes, sir?"

"Tomorrow morning, at 4 a.m. sharp, you are to report here. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir." Titus hesitated a bit but summed up the courage to ask. "May I ask the reason, sir?"

"You'll know tomorrow. Now go rest up. You're going to need it."

The next day, Titus was up by two o'clock, unable to sleep. What bothered him was the expression his grandfather had the whole way there. It was a mix of fear and determination. He never saw anything like that expression on his face before. Something didn't sit right with him.

Titus was there at 3:55 a.m., hoping to be earlier than his grandfather but he was already waiting for him.

"Next time," Titus whispered to himself.

"Titus reporting, sir." Titus saluted. "Are we going hiking?"

He stared at the bag his grandfather held. The 'infinite bag' as he liked to call it. Almost anything could fit in there. From the torch to the tent.

"No. Not we. You."

"What do you mean, sir?"

"You are going to go down there and make your way back."

"Alone?"

"Alone."

At first, Titus thought his grandfather was joking but his grandfather never looked so serious in his life.

He then begged and pleaded with his grandfather to wait another year or two, he knew he wouldn't survive, tears blurring his vision.

The look that his grandfather gave him continued to haunt him, even till now. The look of utter disappointment and disgust. Titus could not get another word out as his grandfather dragged him to the edge of the cliff, his bag in hand.

"I will be leaving in two days. Either you make it back by then or you don't even bother coming back." With a shove from his leg, Titus could feel himself falling, gravity pulling him closer to the ground. The sickening feeling of bile rose as he tried to regain his composure.

If he didn't hurry up, he would land on his neck with a snap. He took in a deep breath and focused.

---------------------------------

Titus came out of the forest a different person. He got out just in time to see his grandfather walk out of the house with the luggage and a big grin on his face.

"Just in time. Come, let's go home."

Though his grandfather became a bit more relaxed from that day onwards towards Titus's training, Titus could never relax anymore.

He couldn't remember what happened in the forest entirely but he knew something strange happened there. Every time he tried to remember, he would get seizures. He almost lost his life several times too, trying to remember it.

So he stopped and just continued on his way. The only way to forget thinking about it was to train. And the train he did.

He would continuously train for months on end, people always thought he was very dedicated towards his job but that couldn't be further from the truth.

Whatever happened in that forest, was to remain a secret to Titus.

The only time he could relax was with Rosalind. He could just sit beside her and relax. That was the reason why he enjoyed her company so much. He also loves seeing her talk about her flowers and the medical knowledge she had.

She never failed to impress him.

But, for some reason, right this moment, as he's thinking about her, he felt heavy. Like something was crushing him. He stood up from his chair so quickly that the chair almost toppled over. He felt his anxiety rise as his breath grew heavy.

He clutched onto the sides of the table, attempting to take in a deep breath and calm himself. It felt too much like the forest and it was suffocating him.

As quickly as that feeling came, it also went.

Catching his breath, Titus murmured, "What happened, Rosalind? Please be ok."

"Sir!"

Titus regained his composure just as a man entered the tent.

"What is it?"

"Sir! The major wants to talk to you."

Titus sighed and rubbed his temples. "Ok. Tell him that I'm on my way."

"Sir!" The man saluted and marched out of the tent.

"This is going to be fun," Titus said through clenched teeth. Shaking himself, Titus walked out of the tent to the centre of the camp.

"Major General Mattes!" Titus called out to the man standing with some other soldiers.

"Lieutenant General Hangzo." Mattes saluted. "It's a pleasure to see you, sir."

"Weren't you the one that called me though?"

"Yes. I did. There is something I need to show you. Can we talk in my tent?"

"Of course."

They entered the tent. On the table is a map of the place with red and blue thumb pins.

"May I ask what this is, Major?"

"Of course sir, I have sent out men to scout the area. The red spots are where the enemies are staying."

"And the blue are our allies ?"

"Yes, sir."

Titus rested his hands on the edge of the table and studied the map.

"How many of our men are uninjured?"

"Not many, sir."

"Estimate."

"Less than ten per cent of the total we had. Excluding those killed."

"That's not good."

"No, sir."

"How are the soldiers being treated?"

"As best as they can be, sir. We sent back those fatally injured but those with not as major injuries are being treated here."

"We'll need a miracle if we're going to take back this area with the number of soldiers we have left."

"Sir?"

Titus clenched his teeth, frustration building up. They needed to work on their strategy, otherwise, they aren't going to even make it past this area.

Not just that, they can't request for back up because the closest allies requested back up from them.

They have no one to send.

"I underestimated them. We have to work on a plan. Major, tell me all the intel you received."

"Yes sir. At the South . . ."

As the army prepared for another attack, footsteps could be heard approaching the camp.

Rosalind stared at the sight in front of her, wondering how she would enter the camp without being suspected of being an enemy.

The ground shook as the sound of a landmine blowing up echoed. A bloodcurdling shout followed.

She stared down at her gloved hands.

"Now or never."

And took off.