Hogwarts gets cleaned dry

—Harry potter pov --

Before I left for Hogwarts I had one last thing to do, before me was a perfect sculpture of Jack Sparrow, everything was magically painted and sculpted. The sculpture gave off the feeling of a scoundrel and a gentleman a true pirate. It looked so lifelike as if the sculpture would jump out at you any second.

And it could if I commanded it to, that's the beauty of magic sculptures they are very much like golems in a sense.

Standing before it I cut my palm and let my blood trickle down onto its pirate hat.

"ut det sanguis meus brevis vita." I bellowed in a low but deep tone

My blood shined bright crimson before sinking into the sculpture, its eyes seemed to glow and body became more human in posture.

The spell I used was blood magic, which translates to 'may my blood grant brief life' the spell was invented by a magic sculptor by the name of Michelangelo the very same one who sculpted Pietà and David.

The spell allows the sculpture to become real in every way, through the caster's blood but only works for a day. I know the spell and the history behind it because when I get knowledge from the shop I get not only spells but how they work the history and the famous people in the field of said knowledge. Also if one branch of knowledge can help another branch I get information on that as well.

Like how this is a blood magic spell but used by magic sculptors.

Sadly magic sculptors have gone extinct because most of them didn't sire children or pass on their art. Still, there might be some out there.

Lastly, the great thing about this spell is that if used by a high-level Occlumency practitioner then they can do this thing called parallel thinking and control the sculpture as if it was their own body while also being in perfect control of theirs.

Seeing the spell working and I can move around freely in both bodies I called dobby and got to work. I can make an inter-dimensional portal like marvel sorcerers but I think dobby wants to be a part of this even if it's in a small way.

"Dobby!" I called

*pop*

"Agent Dobby reporting for duty sir!" the small elf proclaimed in a midget sized men in black suit he bought on his own

"Haha! Agent Dobby let us set sail for Hogwarts savvy?" I said as jack sparrow

Dobby looked at the real me and I nodded to confirm

He grabbed us both and we left with a pop.

-break-

Landing on the grounds of Hogwarts near the lake I nodded to Dobby and he left.

I quickly put my cloak on and sped through the halls, I needed to find the twins fast, they have the map and if checked my name will show up.

I ran to the Gryffindor room and luckily spotted the boys going inside. Talking about pranks or something, I think I heard them say something about what happened in the Alley on my birthday.

Anyways, I quickly put us three in the mirror dimension and cast a stunner on one and imperio on the other.

"What's your name?" I asked

"George Weasley," he answered

"Where is the map?" I asked calmly

"In my robes," he answered shortly

"Hand it over," I ordered

"Sure," he answered and passed the blank map over

I said, "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," while pointing my wand at it

The map began to reveal itself as I saw the corridors of Hogwarts, the twins and I were not on the map seeing as we are in the mirror dimension.

"Did you see the name Harry Potter on this map?" I asked

"No," he replied

"When was the last time you checked the map?" I asked calmly

Like a robot, he replied, "in the morning."

Smiling I ordered him to forget this conversation, and then left the area and headed back to the lake.

On my way back to the lake I checked the map and saw Ron on his own, I headed in that direction and used my outfit from the shop to make me look like a cute girl.

Walking up to him I 'nervously' said, "um a-are you, Ron Weasley?"

He looked shocked that someone of my caliber was talking to him and stammered out his response, "yeah that's m-me"

"Um, I was-as writing an article, we-ll trying to, I want to b-e a journalist wh-en I grow up so I'm practicing. And I heard a-bout you fighting a troll?"

He quite literally pushed out his chest and replied in a haughty tone, "yeah that was me, all by myself too."

It took all of my willpower to not curse him and ditch his body in the lake.

"Brilliant! I was wondering if you can give me your autograph, first middle, and last name please! And then after that we can walk to class~" I said while trying not to kill myself for saying this shit

"Ahah sure of course anything for a fan!" he laughed like he was the coolest bloke ever

"And there!" he said finishing signing the paper

'Ronald Bilius Weasley'

"Gotcha bitch!" I said sending a silent stunner to his body

He collapsed like a log, I then stripped him and wiped his memories. I also planted a seed of murderous anger toward Dumbledore for being so famous.

Ahaha I am on a roll today.

On my way back to the lake I left some items in some parts of the hall.

I finally left and made it back to the lake, I have many preparations to do after all.

I handed the jack sparrow version of me some items. And he left into the forbidden forest.

I began to wait. It shouldn't be long until the convoys arrive and I need to catch my victim before he lingers too much.

Soon I spotted the Durmstrang ship floating down landing in the lake in all of its glory for all to see.

As the students began to file out of the ship Albus went down to meet Igor the headmaster of Durmstrang. I followed behind them slowly, walking close enough to Igor I quickly grabbed a loose piece of hair from his head. Igor stopped and started to look around vigilantly before Albus asked, "Is everything, satisfactory Headmaster?"

Igor huffed then replied in his gruff tone, "Let's go,"

they eventually stopped at the door leading to the Grand Hall, and then I heard Dumbledore say, "Karkaroff, I will go back and wait for Beaubaxtons carriage to arrive,"

While he waited I cast, wyneb ffug using Igor's hair to turn Into a carbon copy of him. The cloak still covered my body and my clothes changed into his.

as the Carriage for Beaubaxtons arrived the students were distracted and I quickly made a portal under his feet and he fell through, the portal led right off a mountain, the fool was a death eater I have no sympathy. Of course, I took his staff while he was falling.

The students turned to me after seeing the bright orange light and I said, "Pay attention!" my voice much like his rough and course

Soon Madame Maxime and Albus Dumbledore came right up to where I was. It was interesting because now that I think about it Albus didn't come out to greet the other headmasters until in the grand hall. Weird.

Seeing as we were all there the Headmaster left first and got ready, we were waiting for his cue.

"Get ready!" I barked at the students and they quickly fell into formation

Soon I was given the cue and the doors opened beginning the performance of the illustrious Durmstrang Academy.

Seeing as it was I and Victor's turn to go we both entered the grand hall. I walked calmly through the hall up to Albus,

"Albus!" I said jovially hugging the old coot as he did in the movies

As I sat down the sense of nostalgia really hit me, the familiar faces from Harry's memory, the smell in the air, and the people enjoying the atmosphere. It hit me hard, Harry never had a home and he considered this his home.

It was nostalgic so so nostalgic.

----Harry Sparrow pov--

While my original body was playing Headmaster I was working on the Wards encasing Durmstrangs ship, I could do it as fast and quick as I want because I noticed most wards were set to alert Igor Karkaroff.

What the fuck is he going to do about it? Haunt me?

As I quickly made easy work out of the wards I began to apply my own and even spruce up the ship a bit to look more like the black pearl.

I took the helm and it was like I instinctually knew how to work the ship, it was amazing.

Oh so amazing.

-Harry pov ---

"Bring in the Casket!" Dumbledore announced to the students

Soon the 'casket' was brought it and opened, the cup was right there ripe for the picking. I clicked a button in my robes.

"Now! Before you get too excited-" *BOOOM*

Bombs blew up all around Hogwarts, muggle bombs to be exact.

While everyone was in confusion I cast the body illusion spell and put the cloak back on.

"Albus! Someone is breaking the wards on my ship!" my illusion yelled running forward making sure to miss anything that could break the spell.

"Back to your dormitory Immediately!" Dumbledore yelled as he left the grand hall with the other professors

The perfects left the hall with the students shortly afterward. Taking along the other schools students.

I quickly dashed forward and canceled the spell making me look like Igor I then took a selfie with the goblet and then copied it with the duplication spell.

I littered them throughout the grand hall and made a portal to into Dumbledore's office. I saw fawks and quickly summoned my Claymore to my hand and stabbed him through the chest.

He burst into ashes but will revive soon I'm sure.

Taking a look around I found three interesting things one letter from dumbledore he wrote but hasn't sent, it had his name and titles so I took it, I saw a letter from the ministry as well and took it.

Then I saw a locked bookshelf I could see Tom's journal through the glass I broke the wards like a brute lacking all forms of finesse and took the journal and put it into my inventory.

"Brat what are you doing!" the sorting hat yelled

I said nothing in response I just kept looting books, I also took his pensive.

Then I turned to the hat and put it into my inventory, these bastards are going to have to find a new method of sorting.

Making another portal I left to my humble abode.

--Harry Sparrow pov --

While the other me was looting the school I was flying above Hogwarts ready for take-off.

I looked down at the crowd of teachers and said, "I am Captain Jack Sparrow! You have now heard of me so do not forget me! Haha!"

The teachers continued to try and sink my new ship but I wasn't having any of that, Soon my partner in crime was at the front of my ship.

"REMEMBER ME DUMBLEDORE!" my original body yelled

We were too far away to hear anything clear but it didn't matter because Harry opened a huge ass portal and we flew Into it. Leaving the shocked teachers behind.

---Dumbledore pov ---

Was that Harry! Why didn't he come to greet me?

"Why didn't you help!" Minerva shouted at me

Smiling awkwardly I said, "I seem to have misplaced my wand,"

Turning to Igor I wanted to ask why he didn't help when it was his ship. But, all I saw was his figure dissolving Into the wind.

I have been had.

Looking around I saw the Acromantula running toward the school, it seems that not only did they explode the school but also the forest.

"Defend the school!" I shouted

I already felt the wards in my office shatter I hope he didn't steal much.

This day has become a complete disaster.

--Harry pov --

Flying over the Manor I looked at the elder wand in my hand.

This day was a complete success.

You see I knew I needed a distraction to get everyone out of the grand hall, so I have been trying to make a button that ends magical signals through runes. I ended up making it and I used that to make the trigger of the muggle bombs.

From there it was all chemicals and no technology.

Alas for the wizarding population their pain is just starting while my fun is never going to end.

--End--

A/N: I hope you all liked how I did this. I tried to make the response to the explosions as harry potter like as possible. I mean homie sent students to the dungeons when the troll was there so his most likely first response to these types of situations is to send students to the dorms.

Also longest chapter yet 2.2k words!