Festive Fiasco

The Christmas holidays were by far the gloomiest that anyone could remember. Lucius's treachery hung like a Dementor over every conversation, every joke. Despite Sirius's best efforts to distract everyone with witty jokes, mountains of expensive presents, abundant food and many, many cases of good liquor, Christmas cheer seemed resolved to stay far away from the Black family that year.

Worst of all was the incessant bickering. Internecine conflict had always been an essential part of a Black Christmas, but in Harry's experience it had always been of the sort that added a bit of flavour (and perhaps even entertainment) to an otherwise good-natured celebration.

This year, however, the customary good humour was absent, and vicious sniping became the dominant activity. As Clytemnestra said, it was as though the Goddess of Discord had thrown her golden apple into the midst of their holiday table. Cassiopeia took great pleasure in reminding everyone that Druella's middle name was Eris, inciting yet another nasty hex war.

It didn't help that nearly everything went wrong that possibly could do so. Number seventeen, Windermere Court had a pipe burst three days before Christmas, and Sirius had to host the family at Grimmauld Place instead, which in itself was sufficient to put him in a sour mood. Melania came up from France to oversee the cooking, but she was unaccustomed to the draughty Grimmauld Place kitchen, and her soufflé fell.

As if that were not enough to ruin the holiday, Kreacher dripped a bit of yolk into her meringue, and she ended up wasting a dozen eggs. The poor elf beat himself with an iron poker for five minutes before the furious witch, usually so very kind-hearted, told him that he had punished himself sufficiently.

Sirius invited the Tonkses, thinking that Narcissa could use the company of even an estranged sister in her current misery. That turned out to be a horrendous lapse in judgement. Narcissa appreciated the gesture, but Druella and Irma were furious that Sirius had invited Ted Tonks into their home for Christmas.

In fact, they were so angry over the inclusion of a 'filthy Mudblood' that they completely overlooked the fact that Sirius had also invited Remus Lupin to join the Black family celebration for the first time. Sirius thought that this latter oversight boded well for Remus's future with the Black family.

When Ted Tonks arrived, most of the family chose simply to ignore his presence altogether, which was quite a feat, given Ted's generous proportions and the narrow corridors of Grimmauld Place.

On the other hand, Cassiopeia had always got on rather well with Dora – largely because she was intrigued by the latter's Metamorphmagus abilities – and they spent a good ten minutes chatting amicably before Cassiopeia learned that Dora was in training to join the 'narrow-minded, puritanical, thrice-damned Aurors', whereupon the pleasant conversation rapidly degenerated into a venomous tirade.

Cassiopeia's thunderous tones woke Walburga's portrait, thus subjecting the entire family to an hour-long lecture on the 'base treachery and perfidious villainy' of Millicent Bagnold, Barty Crouch and other politicians of the seventies and early eighties.

Andromeda got into a shouting match with her mother, which only ended when Irma yelled at them both to shut up and consider Narcissa's feelings. This, of course, only served to embarrass poor Narcissa. Remus and Dora found themselves under the mistletoe – largely through the machinations of a certain sneaky Animagus – and both blushed as they kissed.

Sirius was simply delighted, having made sure to invite Remus and Dora for precisely that purpose, but Ted Tonks glared coldly at Remus afterwards, and refused to speak to him for the rest of the day.

Even Sirius and Abraxas, who usually got on famously, found themselves bickering over England's chances in the World Cup. Harry and Draco got into an argument over the legality of one of Harry's moves in their chess game, which soon expanded to include most of the adults, several portraits and all the chess volumes in the Grimmauld Place library. In the end, no one could quite remember what the original dispute had been about, but Abraxas and Ignatius Prewett had vowed never to speak to one another again.

At the end of the day, Sirius locked himself in his old bedroom with a pack of cigarettes and a large bottle of Old Ogden's, vowing to spend the next Christmas in Majorca.

.....

A couple of days before the New Year Sirius woke Harry very early and took him out for a spin on his brand-new motorcycle. Harry rode pillion and enjoyed himself immensely, though he rather wished Sirius would have worn a helmet, if only so that his long hair wouldn't fly into Harry's face.

They headed straight out of the city and into the country, where they zipped along small roads with utter abandon. Sirius had declared the day a 'Muggle day', which meant no magic allowed. Of course, this hardly stopped him from Confunding a few policemen, but fortunately neither he nor Harry was much inclined towards a legalistic, Pharisaical enforcement of rules, even their own.

They stopped for lunch at a Muggle pub where Sirius ordered them both steak and chips, as well as a pint of ale for himself and a soft drink for Harry.

'Prongs and I used to come here all the time with Moony and...er, with Moony,' he explained to Harry. 'This is where Prongs told us he was going to marry Lily, and it's also where he asked a certain devilishly-handsome young wizard to be godfather to his son.'

Harry grinned. 'I'm glad he did.'

Sirius reached across the table and ruffled the boy's hair. 'Thanks for coming with me this morning,' he said. 'I needed to get out for a bit.'

'Perfectly understandable,' Harry replied. 'It could be worse, though. Aunt Cassie and Aunt Druella could actually be staying in the same house year-round.'

'Good Lord!' Sirius exclaimed in horror. 'What a nightmare that would be. There was more than enough cleaning-up to do after their little tiff on Christmas Day.'

'When are they installing the new wall?' Harry asked, popping a chip into his mouth.

'The Tuesday after you go back to school.'

'Is there anything you can do about the vase?'

Sirius sighed. 'No. It's irreparably smashed. It was a gift from Suleiman the Magnificent too. I think that was actually the last Muggle-made family heirloom we had.'

'I'm surprised Grandmother kept it,' Harry replied with a smirk.

'Well, Muggle-made or not it was a gift from the Ottoman sultan,' Sirius pointed out. 'One doesn't just throw away things like that.' He growled. 'Though apparently it's perfectly acceptable to levitate them in front of oneself just to block a simple Blasting Curse. Damn Druella.'

'Did she even apologise?'

Sirius snorted. 'Her? Never.' He mimicked Druella's high-pitched, nasal whine. '"It was Cassiopeia's own wretched fault for casting the Blasting Curse in the first place."'

Harry rolled his eyes. 'Figures. Has any Rosier ever apologised for anything?'

'Not likely,' Sirius snarled, cutting into his steak with gusto.

'I feel sorry for Draco,' Harry said. 'I mean, the old cow's his grandmother.'

Sirius chuckled. 'It could be worse. Remember, she used to live at Malfoy Manor.'

'I remember,' Harry said with a groan. 'Even Granddad used to go out of his way to avoid running into her – in his own bloody house!'

'Speaking of Granddad,' Sirius began. 'He told me you've been undertaking a bit of research in the Restricted Section.'

Harry nodded and took a sip of his soft drink. 'That's right. I want to train to fight Riddle.'

'Well, I hope you won't ever be close enough to him to have to fight him again,' Sirius said with a smile. 'All the same, I think it's a wise precaution for you to take. I've asked Moony to help you and Draco train this term.'

Harry's face fell. 'Thanks, Dad,' he forced himself to reply. 'That's great.'

Sirius was too absorbed in his steak to notice the shift in Harry's expression. 'I thought you'd enjoy that bit of news,' he said cheerfully. 'Moony's a great fighter, and a brilliant teacher. You and Draco will learn loads from him.'

'I'm sure we will, Dad,' Harry said truthfully, and took another bite of steak.

.....

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