Chp.5: Clarification

Haku returned to the Thul Oasis after a couple of hours, dragging a sand worm over a hundred meters long behind him. By now capturing them had become easy: now that Haku had understood that all he had to do was prevent it from trying to escape under the sand, to catch it he just had to lure it out and hold it still at the base of the head using his claws until it got tired. And since a dragon's strength was far superior to that of a sand worm, that wasn't even too difficult. Once the sand worm got tired, Haku just had to drag it where he wanted. It wasn't what he could call a satisfying hunt, but at least it kept his mind busy and allowed him to at least partially solve the problem by offering the Iluvatans the beast as a meal. Once he arrived at the edge of the oasis, he pulled some ropes from his dimensional bag and tied the sand worm tightly to a tree; the trunk and roots were too strong for the animal to break free, so he could leave it there and then send the beastmen to retrieve and butcher it.

As he was finishing tying him he heard a voice. "You've got a nice specimen. This will feed the community for a while"

Haku let out a snort. He'd smelled her from miles away, so he wasn't surprised by her presence, but he was still annoyed. "What are you doing here, Misune?" he asked as he tightened the rope.

The half-elf emerged from the thick forest. He had a backpack full of sand-filled fruit on his shoulders. "I wanted to try something" she replied. "I wanted to taste one of these sac-nuts. Animals eat them, so perhaps they are edible. If they turn out to be good, it wouldn't be bad to introduce them into our diet"

"You shouldn't come here alone" Haku said. "If a sand shark were to pass by here while you're in the middle of the sand trying those fruits, it certainly won't mind an easy meal. And then, what did you call those fruits, sorry?"

"Sac-nuts. That's what everyone calls them now. You know, because they look like nuts but they're filled with sand as if they were sacks... or something like that" Misune replied, then she lifted her sleeve slightly and showed the long artificial claw that she hid under it. "Anyway, I'm not an easy meal. I have my defenses, and even though we're safe now, I haven't stopped training"

"Mph! You're not yet at the level needed to beat a sand shark, let alone a whole pack. And we don't know if there are other dangers in this desert that we haven't discovered yet" Haku snorted. "Come on, go try and taste those... sac-nuts. I have your back. And be careful not to get sunstroke"

Misune shook his head. "It wouldn't hurt you to have a little faith in me, you know? I know what I'm doing"

Haku raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

The half-elf dropped her shoulders as if a weight had just been placed upon them. "Is it still because I joined Darbi's expedition without telling you? How much longer are you going to hold it against me?"

After Darbi had returned from his expedition taking all the beastmen refugees with him, Haku and Misune had had little opportunity to speak, but the dragon had made it clear to the half-elf that he was angry with her. Unfortunately, too many things had happened since then for them to pursue the matter, which therefore remained pending. Once they got to the oasis they'd still had a lot to do, and then they'd finally recently had time to talk to each other again, but there hadn't been much progress on either side. Haku was angry that Misune put herself in danger in such a stupid way.

Now, however, they couldn't continue to avoid the problem. "Look, I know I did something stupid, but I needed to..."

"No, you didn't need to" Haku said, then let out a sigh. "Listen... Darbi told me what happened"

Misune blushed slightly. "Did he tell you... everything?"

"Only the important parts" Haku answered. "And I'm glad you understood that you had to stop and chose to perform a task that didn't endanger yourself or others, but rather helped the mission. And I'm glad you finally found a goal that makes you feel good. But what happened is a precedent that I cannot forget. I don't care that you deceived me or made my brother your accomplice, but that you put your life in danger for no reason, or at least tried to do it. And even though I keep telling myself it won't happen again, I can't get the fear out of my mind that you'll do something stupid again. I don't know what's going on inside that head of yours, but you were dealing and I'm sure you are still dealing with a mountain of shit. For all I know you could go into that desert and 'forget' that you have to protect your head and die of sunstroke, or decide that maybe to help others it's a good idea to explore a bit and get lost. So forgive me if I don't feel confident trusting you again"

Misune was silent for a moment, and her gaze dropped to the ground. Then she whispered: "You're right"

Haku didn't expect that twist. "What do you mean?"

"That you're right. I'm still dealing with a mountain of shit. I can't feel safe without this on my arm" she said pointing at her mechanical claw. "When I'm around people, I still constantly look over my shoulder. When I'm home alone I have nightmares. When I'm particularly under stress, I also hallucinate. And sometimes...". The half-elf gulped. "... I admit that sometimes I really thought about going to the desert and waiting for the sun to bake me alive"

Haku remained silent. Darbi had told him many things that Misune had confessed to him, but he had kept the more detailed parts to himself to protect her privacy. Haku had a general idea of ​​how much mess was in the half-elf's head, but apparently the situation was even worse than he imagined. However, suddenly Misune looked up and stared him straight in the eyes: "But these are not just my feelings. They are the feelings of all the people who live in this oasis, or at least almost all of them. Everyone has... undergone something . And everyone has to struggle in the morning to be able to find the strength to get out of bed. Everyone has to fight every second not to lose the will to live, take a rope and hang on the first branch they find. Zamor and Thora have lost the their child. Gord and Brenno spent most of their lives killing other gladiators to survive, watching their friends die. All of the ex-slaves have gone through the same thing I have, over and over again. Every refugee who we rescued from the clutches of Carrion has seen children, brothers, sisters, nephews, parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents, friends, acquaintances die and have been torn from their native lands and seen their homes destroyed. Everyone here at least once they thought of going to the desert, sitting on a dune and waiting for the sun to kill them or for a monster to come out of the sand and devour them". Misune fell silent for a moment, then she continued: "Everyone is facing a mountain of shit. Some just choose to forget, some throw themselves into work not to think, some drink until they pass out at every opportunity, still others do incredibly stupid things which they may regret. So you are perfectly right not to trust me. I myself cannot promise you that the stupid thing I tried to do with Darbi before your brother persuaded me to step aside will not happen again. And you would be a fool take my word for it after what happened. I don't know if tomorrow that so... black and dark part of me will take over, and then I'll go for a walk in the sand and never come back. But I want to know that I'm trying, I'm trying really hard not to let that part of me win. And most of all..." and Misune's gaze suddenly hardened, "...I want you to stop acting like if i was your problem. I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, and I'll never be able to repay you, but you're not my father or my brother and I'm not your daughter or one of your sisters. Whatever bond there was between us ended when I stopped being a slave and you stopped being a gladiator. Now we're just… friends? Acquaintances? Allies? I don't even know how to define it. So I appreciate you still worrying about me, but you can't control me like this. If I want to go to the desert to try these strange fruits, I have the right to do so and you can't make me weigh the fact that I might not go back. I'm not asking you to trust me again, but stop acting like I'm your responsibility"

Silence fell between the two again. Misune was clearly tense, you could tell by the way she was tightening one of the straps of her backpack, but she kept her expression determined and looked the dragon straight in the eyes. Haku didn't show any emotion on contact, but the half-elf knew that a long series of thoughts were happening in his head in rapid succession. Finally Haku spoke. "You've become really strong. Not even half a year ago you wouldn't have had the courage to speak to me in such a direct way. I can't hide that I'm happy for you" he said. "You are right, you are no longer my responsibility. I am no longer your master and you are no longer my slave. But still I can't stop worrying about you. You are literally the only being in the whole world besides the my family that I really give a shit about, for reasons that I myself don't understand, and I… well, I don't want to lose you. So I don't think I'll be able to stop trying to help you and especially make sure you don't do something incredibly stupid. But you're right, it's okay for you to make your own decisions. Just… promise me, if you ever feel the urge to do something you know very well it could hurt you a lot... you'll tell me about it, and you won't run away like you did last time. Or if you don't want to talk about it with me, since I'm not really a great conversationalist, talk about it with Darbi. His ability to understand the other people's emotions is extraordinary, even if he himself doesn't seem to be aware of it. Just promise me this, and I'll be calmer"

Misune seemed to have a strange light in her eyes when Haku mentioned Darbi, but it went out very quickly. "Okay" the half-elf said with a smile. "I promise you that if I ever have similar thoughts again, I will immediately run to one of you, or at least to someone who will know how to prevent me from doing stupid things. Is that okay with you?"

Haku nodded. "Yes, that's fine with me" he said, then pointed to the desert. "Go ahead and do your experiments with those fruits. I'll stay here in the shade of this tree, so if something should come from under the sand I'll be ready to intervene"

"Actually, thinking about it, I could use a bodyguard. Especially one big enough to shade me" Misune said with a smile. "Do you want to come with me? It won't take long, I promise"

"I'll be happy to fulfill that assignment" Haku replied. The two started walking towards the desert, then suddenly the dragon stopped: "Misune, can I just ask you one question?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Do you like living?"

The half-elf was dumbfounded for a moment, then her smile grew wider than ever. "Absolutely. Even though my thoughts are often gray and black, this world is full of colors. And I want to live as long as possible to be able to see them all"

Haku nodded, smiling slightly as well. "That's enough for me. Come on, those fruits won't break by themselves"