- fifty nine -

It was silent around Renjun, the moonlight cascading through the window that faced the Dream members' room.

He had this feeling, mostly a conflicting mixture of uncertainty and anxiety.

Recently he found himself unable to sleep for more than two hours a night.

Although he was more than fatigued and grumpy, he still felt like something was missing from the equation.

That Abigail had the upper hand over them, but he didn't know what.

He managed to trick Jaemin and Jeno to believe he was asleep when they would occasionally wake up from a bit too much movement from the other, but would eventually fall back asleep, allowing Renjun to fall back into the cycle of acute insomnia he induced himself under.

He found himself going over the millions of facts and information he had learned over the years, and try to find something that he could piece together some sort of defense against Abigail.

Tonight was no different.

Each thought seemed to bring another, and multiply and before he knew it, the sun would be peeking out from the horizon, signalling morning.

It wasn't like everyone else was oblivious.

They could see the prominent greyish purple that seemed to linger under the young boy's eyes, but they didn't know what to do about it.

They couldn't stop the boy's thoughts, nor could Taeyong or Jeno read them.

It was like Renjun had put a steel box around his mind, but no one had the access key to open it.

Training still continued, but by each night, no matter how completely drained the young boy was, he couldn't find himself to sleep for more than just a couple hours.

His mind only seemed to focus on the theories and hypotheses that he came up with on when, and how Abigail was going to strike, bringing up all of the conversations the two held throughout the years, just to see just a glimpse of what the older woman's past self revealed.

Although he had eaten and relaxed with the others, the other boys couldn't help but notice Renjun not joining in, or participating with them in conversations. And when he did, he became irritable, unable to hide irritation from the people who disturbed his deep thoughts of analyzation.

He found himself eating less and less as time passed by as well, anxiety seemingly keeping himself full.

He started to block out the others, zoning out from the words that may have passed his way.

He couldn't help it, he was trying to help them.

It wasn't until the day that Doyoung found the other in the kitchen, sitting in a corner muttering to himself while holding his head.

The tears had poured from the ducts as free as a bird, as he tried to come up with an answer to solve all of their problems without costing anyone's lives.

"Renjun," Doyoung called out, not spotting the younger boy quite yet, "Renjun," he turned and saw the opened pantry door.

Walking cautiously as he heard a faint noise, he approached the door, before pushing it the rest of the way open.

He was greeting with the boy he was looking for, but with additional tear stained cheeks and tousled hair.

Quickly crouching down to Renjun's level, the older boy wrapped his arms around him, before whispering comforting words and rocking the younger.

This only made Renjun's tears fall even heavier, as he felt guilty for messing up Doyoung's training with his panic attack in the small room.

Swiping his tears quickly, Renjun got out of Doyoung's hold, thanking him lightly.

"You can go back to training," Renjun said, not looking at the older's expectant eyes.

"Are you sure you're O.K.?"

Renjun only supplied a nod in confirmation, no longer trusting his voice.

Doyoung nodded, letting the younger boy have his way and headed back to training, but definitely not before letting Taeyong know the situation.

Taeyong was immediately concerned, meeting Renjun who was still in the kitchen.

"Renjun, are you alright?" his voice was soft towards the boy.

"I'm fine," he answered, not looking at Taeyong, but instead focusing on his fingers that were clamped together on the countertop he was sitting at.

"How many hours of sleep have you been getting?" the older asked, placing his hand atop Renjun's clenched ones.

The younger looked at Taeyong, before turning his glance away to think.

"Ten?" he seemed unsure.

"A night?" Taeyong asked, looking confused. Renjun shook his head.

"This week," he answered, before looking to his hands and recounting to make sure.

"Yep, ten for sure," he nodded in affirmation.

Taeyong hadn't said anything, trying to refrain from reacting, but still this was alarming news.

"How long has it been like this?"

Renjun looked at the older, no emotion seemed to fill his eyes.

"A couple of weeks," was the simple reply.

Taeyong shut his eyes, before taking a deep breath, and opening them once again.

"Alright, come with me," he said, before going towards the basement.

Renjun followed him all the way down the unfortunately familiar steps, before leading him to the medical room, where the Dream group had rested after Taeyong's tests.

"What are we doing here?" Renjun asked, allowing Taeyong to push him to sit on one of the mattresses.

"You, Renjun, are in serious need of rest," he said, as a soundless Hendery walked in.

"What do you mean?" Renjun's eyes seemed to widen.

"You need to sleep, and a lot of it," the older said before waving the other boy in the room over.

Renjun watched as Hendery brought his hand to his forehead, and feel instantly sluggish.

Taeyong guided the younger's body to lay fully onto the mattress before pulling a blanket over him.

"Wait-" the younger called out, eyes closed as he reached for Taeyong.

Taeyong held the outstretched hand, ensuring that he was still there.

"I-I can't," he started, words sluggish.

"What can't you do?" Taeyong asked, holding onto Renjun's hand tighter.

"Go," the younger had a long pause, "to sleep."

"Go to sleep?"

"I. can't go," the younger had a longer pause, "to sleep," before becoming limp on his journey to dreamland.

"It'll be better when you come back," Taeyong said, ruffling the younger's hair affectionately.

"Everything'll be better."