Chapter 10- I, My love And My Tears.

      In break time, i simply patched up with rhan and he didn't took a minute to say sorry which i accepted. It was our break, natasha bring us some snacks which we were eating by standing in front of the window so, that i can stare arron for a little longer in break. I saw him, he was just sitting on a platform with his group and they were probably talking about some nonsense things because arron was not taking interest in them.

I was just too much in the process  of staring Arron that i didn't even noticed that rina is calling me continuesly.

Again natasha shook my body and said "Am not going to do this again."

"You gave to do this until your last breathe. Wait, would i live until your last breathe? " I asked.

"Why you just can't shut your mouth. And why the hell you always thinks about death?" She said.

"Because i don't think that i will be able to live more without arron." I said.

"No Arron is not equal to death instead, No Arron means happiness and freedom. Just imagine how beautiful your life would be if Arron didn't entered in it?" She said.

"I hate you. Why you just keep pointing him. And am not thinking about death, am just asking a fact. Well, ms. Natasha why the hell you shook me like that?" I asked.

"Oh! Ha sorry. Rina is calling you." She said.

"Rina, why?" I asked.

"Ask her, not me" She said.

                 I met rina, who was staring sam by standing on another window as Rina is Sam's girlfriend. "Hy, was waiting for you." She said.

"Oh..am sorry! I keep you waiting." I said.

"No need of sorry, this kind of things happens it when you stare at someone  whom you love so much." She said.

"Hmm. What work do you have from me?" I asked.

"Wanted to show you a real mirror." She said.

"Oh! You brought mirror at school. Then Show me i actually love seeing mirrors." I said.

"Stupid, not that mirror, the mirror of truth, the mirror of sighs." She said.

"Why are you trying to say. Make it clear please. And hurry rina if arron will leave the platform then i will only be able to see him in the afternoon" I said.

"Stop this. Arron, Arron. Do you know who he is. And what he feels for you?" She asked.

"Yes, i know he is Arron and he probably hates me." I said.

"Oh! You know. Then why are you loving him. Is he that attractive?" She asked.

"What kind of question is this, is he attractive? Of course he is attractive even more than some stars. And i love him not because he is good looking but because he has really good heart. He follows prophet. What will i need more?" I said.

"Really? Is he that good? Then why he kissed tania?" She said.

I was so shocked for a minute as i never thought that they both  kissed each other..

"What are you saying, stop this rubbish rina." I said.

"Am telling the truth. They did this so many times. He will never love you never ever. Look at yourself and look at him. Am not saying that you are worse or something but you are not enough for him. Stop thinking about him. He is not for you. You are not for him. He is arron the most loved guy and you are aykiz the least known girl." She said.

I didn't said a single word and just leaved.

                I put my head down for the rest of school day.

"Are you ok?" Natasha asked.

But i didn't reply or i was unable to reply. Because i was just feeling too disturbed.

"Aykiz, wanna play?" Rhan asked.

I didn't reply at that time as well and before anyone else ask me the same question. I asked permission for the washroom and go there. For the very first time, i cried that louder my whole voice was flowing with the sadness of my heart. Each and every tear has the name of arron. Each and everytime when i blink i just saw his face, i just saw his charm. At that time fortunately the whole floor and the washroom was empty.

"Am i that ugly, is arron that charming? Yes, he is that charming. But do tania really deserve him and if yes, then why i don't deserve him. I down my attitude, i loved him, i cared for him, i made millions of prayers for him, i did fasts for him yet, he is not for me. Yet, he don't loves me, yet, he hates me, yet he hates me ,yet he hates me." I said with all the tears in my eyes.

             Finally, i took a deep breathe and wowed to ignore Arron as much as i can. I wiped up my tears, put a fake smile and leave the bathroom. Outside there, it was tania and lena probably wanting to use restroom. I just, controlled my tears and now i have to face them. They didn't say a word neither do i, but still lena giggled at me with her sharp looks that made me even more emotional. But this time i controlled my tears and get back to the class. I didn't talk to anyone not even natasha until i leave the school.

           At home, i didn't ate anything and just acted like am slept. After an hour when i saw that everyone else is slept now i leave the room and allowed my tears to flow, allowed myself to cry, allowed my body to feel the pain, allowed this world to hurt me like hell. I was not even able to say a single word out of my mouth. The words of rina were hitting me like a sharp arrow "they kissed, he will never be yours, you are not enough for him." I just wanted to escape this thoughts, to escape everything but unfortunately i was not able to do so..! The thing was that,  at that time, i didn't really know that this is just a start, i have to cry more, i have to get hurted more and more.