In Limbo

As the doctor came into the room to confirm their third miscarriage, Elijah squeezed his wife's hand and looked into her big brown eyes. They no longer were filled with the joy and happiness that he saw before going to work this morning, they were empty. "Do you understand that this many losses isn't helping your chances at conceiving? Maybe its time to call it quits and try other options." The doctor's words brought both Elijah and Amiyah out of their own thoughts. "Excuse me?" Amiyah's nose flared as she sat up and Elijah knew to quickly step in. "Yes, we know. Thank you for your concern. Can you just give us our discharge papers so we can go?" Elijah said through clenched teeth as he was trying to calm both himself and his wife down at the same time. Who did this guy think he was? "Umm..sure. I'll be right back." said the doctor as he hurried out the room.

Elijah looked over at his wife who just sat there staring into space. He wondered what she was thinking. "'Miyah? What's going on in that Tank Head of yours?" he joked trying to lighten the heavy mood. She looked at him and her eyes started to fill with tears again. "I'm tired baby. I can't keep doing this." she said as she wiped her eyes. "I know baby, but we just gotta keep praying and God will provide in due time." said Elijah as he grabbed her hand. "He's not listening!" she screamed as she snatched her hand away. "God's not listening to us! Or maybe it's just me. Maybe he's punishing me for whatever reason and I can't take it anymore! I'm done. This is my last trip to the hospital unless I'm dying and at this rate I might as well be because that's how I feel. I feel dead inside and I don't want to feel like this ever again. No more Elijah. No More!" she sobbed and heaved and just wanted the hurt and pain to go away.

Elijah wished he could trade places with his wife, he hated seeing her like this. He especially hated that she was doubting God. Elijah grew up in the church and God was his number one priority other than Amiyah. He took his relationship with God very seriously, even now in this time of trouble Elijah knew that God had a plan for him and Amiyah. He knew that all of their suffering wouldn't be in vain.

Amiyah had cried herself to sleep and Elijah took this opportunity to visit the hospital chapel, thankfully, it was empty. As soon as Elijah sat down, his tough exterior crumbled and he broke down sobbing. "Lord, I know I'm not supposed to question you but what's going on? Why are we being tested like this? I know you have a plan for us but Lord this hurts so much. I pray for the strength, courage and patience to make it through this journey you have us on. I know things get worse before they get better but Lord just keep us in your arms and hold us close. Tell my babies that we love them. In your son Jesus Name, Amen."

Elijah stood up to go see if they had released Amiyah yet and on his way, he bumped into someone. "Lijah Bear is that you?!" someone shouted down the hallway. Elijah turns around to see his old friend from college, Deja. "Deja? Is that you girl?!" said Elijah as he pulls her into a hug. "What are you doing here? Is everything ok?" asked Deja looking concerned. Elijah sighed, "Nah, not really. My wife is here, we're going through a miscarriage". "Oh no, I'm so sorry". Deja says hugging him again. "It's okay, it's been pretty rough but we're making it. See you finally got that M.D. behind your name like you always wanted." he says nodding towards her name tag.

"Yessir! You know that was always the goal!" she said smiling, showing off her dimples. Elijah forgot how much he was attracted to her dimples. "Um..I should be getting back" he stated pointing down the hall. "Yeah, yeah. I don't want to hold you up. Here, take my number just in case you want to catch up or whatever. Give me a call." she said handing him her card and smiling. "Ok. It was good seeing you". he said as he hugged her again. "You too". she said breathing in his scent. Damn, he smelled soo good!

They parted ways and Elijah couldn't help but to think about what Deja had been up to these past few years. He walked back into Amiyah's room to see her still sleeping soundly. "Here's the discharge papers. Just sign here and you all are free to go" he stated handing Elijah the papers. Elijah signed the papers quickly and tried waking Amiyah but she wouldn't budge.

Elijah really disliked hospitals. Even though they were meant to help people they did a lot more harm than good, at least they have in the few times he's been in one. "Miyah. Baby, wake up. It's time to go." He said shaking her awake. Her eyes fluttered open; she stretched and winced in pain as she got up. The meds were slowly wearing off. Amiyah peeked at the wall clock and noticed it was still early, 6:45pm to be exact. She was hungry but all she wanted was to go home and get under her covers. The car ride home was silent, as expected. "You hungry?" asked Elijah. Before she could say No, Amiyah's stomach spoke for her. Dammit. Elijah chuckled, "I'll take that as a Yes".

As they pulled into Zaxby's, one of her favorite places, Amiyah couldn't help but look over at Elijah. This man really loved her. He could read her like a book most days and knew her like the back of his hand without her even having to say a word. They've been through so much in the past year and even before now. From sleeping on the floor with no mattress to living off noodles and hotdogs for months to both of them being successful entrepreneurs. Her a Nurse and clothing designer and him the owner of his own Youth Basketball training camp. So why wasn't she able to be the one thing she desperately wanted out of life and that was to be a Mother? God sure had one crazy sense of humor.

As they walked into the house, Amiyah wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower, eat and lay down. As she walked into their room, she could hear Elijah coming up the stairs behind her. She knew he was going to want to talk but she didn't even have the strength. She said what she had to say and she meant it. She was done trying and putting herself through so much pain. "I know you want to relax but baby I really want to talk about this." said Elijah as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Lijah don't. I can't do this right now." she said as she felt her eyes well up with tears again.

She quickly wiped them and walked into the bathroom. As the steaming, hot water hit her body, Amiyah allowed her body to sink onto the shower floor as she cried for what seemed like the hundredth time today. Elijah could hear his wife's sobs through the door and he wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms but he knew she needed her space. He walked downstairs to eat his food and as he sat down on the couch, Deja's card fell out of his pocket. He decided to text her and see if she's free for lunch tomorrow.

E- Hey D, its Elijah. U free 2morrow?

D- What's up big head😝 Yeah I'm free 2morrow? Y?

E- Lol wanna do lunch?

D- Sure. 2pm good for you?

E- Yep that works 👌

D- Cool. see you then 😊😍

E- See you then 😁

Elijah locked his phone and decided to turn on ESPN to clear his mind and hopefully fall asleep for the night.