Let's Relive The Past

"You only feel that way because you never had a child, Kafi." My mother corrected my reasoning, and shook her head with a slight smile on her face, like she was saying I was too young to understand.

"If you had a child, you'll understand that those times where you felt so frustrated with raising a child, and were tired of constantly providing for another life when you're already struggling to take care of your own, are actually quite precious. Since after your child grows up, he or she will be able to do everything on their own and wouldn't need your help or dependence anymore, like in the past."

"Isn't that for the better?" I asked, as if I were truly ignorant about raising a child, when I've taken care of several children back when I was in the orphanage.

"Yes, it will you give you more free time for your interests and hobbies, and you won't be as busy as before." My mom smiled wrly, even though she was saying something that was good for her. "But at the same time, you'll start to feel a sense of distance with your own child since he's not relying on you anymore, and you'll slowly start to feel a bit lonely, even though you actually understand that your child has grown and can live on his own now."

"You'll start to think of those hard days in the past, where you had to change your child's stinky diaper and would have to dress him up for school everyday, and you will wish to relive them even though it was all so tiring in the past. And would pray to God every day, so that you can bring back those days where your child was under your wing and relied on you more." My mom reminisced about the past and gave a heavy sigh, like she missed those days where she always spent time with me even though it wasn't always the most pleasant time, and was often quite arduous for her. 

"...But sadly, you can never bring back those days, no matter how much you think about them, and you can only accept that your son is growing up in life." She sighed, and then immediately realised how somber the mood was right now, and how she shouldn't have talked about such a topic to a high school boy who knew nothing about life. 

To brighten up the situation and not make it as bad as it seemed, she quickly pointed at the photos on the walls and said hastily 

"B-But even though you can never bring back those days, you can always relive them through the photos you take! That's why our house has a bunch of pictures of us on it, which you always complain about, because how embarrassing it's for you for your old photos to be seen by others." She joked about the pictures and tried to awkwardly ease the mood. 

I also followed along and smiled as she pointed at the photos, which made her give a sigh of relief seeing that I wasn't affected by her words. 

But just as she was letting her guard down, I asked 

"But mom, if you really want to relive the past and experience all those memories we had, once again, why don't you just treat me like how you treated me in the past?"

"What do you mean?" She didn't seem to understand what I was saying.

"What I'm trying to say is, why can't you just act like I'm still a child that's dependent on you and treat me like how you did before?" I straightened my back.

"How could I do that when you're already in high school?" She seemed surprised at my suggestion. 

" ...I mean I for one would love to coddle you like I did when you were a child, but wouldn't that be a little too embarrassing for you." Even though she was trying to reason with me, I could still see a little excitement in her eyes, like she would be glad to go back to how she treated me in the past and was only stopping herself from doing so because I grew up and was no longer a child.

"Of course something like changing my diaper or putting my clothes on for me would be quite embarrassing for me to have you do, when I'm already grown up." I shook my head at the thought of her changing my diaper, which was something I'd rather die than let happen. 

"But I don't think I would mind certain things we did in the past, which we could do again for your satisfaction."

"Like what?" My mom eagerly asked, as she came a little closer to me.

"Something mild, for example, like how we used to hold hands when we went outside so that I didn't get lost, or in this situation, putting me on your lap and feeding me like in the past." I suggested with impure intentions. 

"S-Sitting on my lap? Umm...As much as I want to agree to it, Kafi, I think that you're a little too big to sit on mommy's lap and would slide right off." My mom awkwardly rejected my suggestion, and also looked a little dejected that she wasn't strong enough to carry my weight, which made her lose her opportunity to carry me on her lap, which was quite funny to see. 

"Oh no, we don't have to do exactly what we did in the past, and can mix it up according to what seems reasonable...Like instead of me sitting on your lap, why don't you sit on mine and feed me like you did before." I gave her another alternative, which made her perk up like she thought it was a good idea. But at the same time, she also seemed hesitant about it.

"Mommy would honestly be really happy if I could feed you on your lap once again, but wouldn't that be too embarrassing for you? Won't you feel ashamed to have your mother feed you, while she's sitting on your lap?" She thought about how I would feel and didn't jump on the idea, even though she looked like she really wanted to try it. 

She then gave a reassuring smile and said

"You don't have to force yourself to make your mommy feel better, Kafi, as mommy is more than happy just to spend time with you at dinner like this, and I don't need anything else." 

"Then, you don't want to feed me like you did in the past at all?" I directly asked.

"No, I definitely do, but..." She quickly said, but held back what she trying to say.

"Then, that's all there is to it." I made a decision and pushed myself back along with the chair I was sitting away from the dining table, to make some space for my mother to sit. "If my mother wants to feed me like in the past, then it's my duty as her son to oblige."

"And you also don't have to worry about me finding it embarrassing." I looked at my mother with a slight smile on my face. "As having a gorgeous woman like you sit on someone's lap and personally feed them their meal, would only make anyone proud as a lion and not embarrassed in the slightest, since they're getting better treatment than an actual king."

My mother blushed at my statement, and her eyes started to look all over the place, like she didn't know how to react after getting complimented by her son. She then looked at me with timid eyes and hesitantly asked

"...E-Even if that gorgeous woman that you said, is your mother?"

"I'd be especially proud if that woman were my mother." I said confidently, then looked into her blue eyes and said "Since no matter who looks at me with jealousy, I'd have the pride and gratification of knowing that the lady sitting on my lap is mine and mine only, and only I get to receive her loving gaze which they so desire, because I'm her son who she holds so dear."