Will Do Anything for Love

Trigger Warning(s): Self-Harm; Suicide; Mental Illness

Steve POV (7 years ago, before his death)

I once believed that true love will always last forever until the end of our lives. You will only love one person in your lifetime, but yet, I never realized that is not really true. It started 7 years ago, falling in love with the person I've known since we were young. I know everything about her, her likes and dislikes and I know that we have the same feelings for each other. Until that day comes, we officially love each other.

A year passed, a lot of things happened and also changed all of a sudden. "Let's go and have some dinner together," I said as I grab her hands to hold but she suddenly let go from holding her hands. "I can't, I have to go to my parents tonight. Maybe next time?" she said and smiled at me. I understand that she lives far away from her parents and she's frequently seeing them. I just smiled and nodded, agreeing about her plans.

I just let her do whatever she wants to do recently. Sometimes I can't contact her or even make her smile at my corny jokes. I know I might be overthinking but I feel like there is something off and I don't know what is it. But still, I will let her do what she wants, the important is that at the end of the day, she will always come to me.

2 days have passed, my girlfriend, Hope is with me at my apartment. We just hang out inside and watch our favorite movies, but as we watch the movie, I saw her fall asleep. She might be tired all day at work, I was about to put the bowl of popcorn on to my kitchen counters but the ringing of her phone caught my attention.

I looked into it to see who is calling her. "Heart?" I whispered as I saw the contact name. It's just a heart emoji, I was about to take her phone and answer the caller but then Hope woke up. "Uhm, someone's calling you," I told her as she rubs her eyes from waking up. A question keeps on bugging me after I saw the caller's name on her phone. Who is that? And why is it calling at this hour?

The next morning, I'm driving my way to go to my work but as I wait for the light to go green, someone suddenly caught my attention. It Hope and she's with someone. Wait... she's... holding hands with another guy. I suddenly froze when I realized what just I saw. Hope will not do that to me, right?

That night, after my work, I visit Hope's apartment without telling her and hoping that I could talk to her in person about what I just saw this morning. But as I wait in front of her doorstep, Hope just arrives at her apartment with a guy. "Who is he? And why are your arms wrapped around on my girlfriend?" I started asking when I saw them walking towards Hope's apartment.

"Mark please go home first, let's talk about with tomorrow," Hope said goodbye's to the guy she's with before she turns to me and starts talking. "Let's go inside Steve." she calmly said as she opens her doorstep. "Who is he? Tell me!" I said with a wave of anger in me when I got to enter her apartment. I started to overthink when I saw them again, and it made me furious.

"Steve, can't you see? This is not working anymore," she said, but I got confused about what she said. Not working? We were just happy and hanging out at my apartment yesterday. "What?" I asked. "Steve, I was gone a few days ago remember? That time I was thinking about us, and I realized you were too busy achieving your dream of becoming a businessman. And I thought, what about me? My dream?" she stopped and start crying.

"I'm doing this because of you! I'm going to become a businessman so that we will have a good life in the future." I said as I hold her hand. I was about to wipe her tears but she refused and turn her head away "That's not what I want Steve." She said as she steps back away from me and wipes her own tears. "Then tell me!" I shouted and it made her shocked about it. "You could just tell me instead of looking for another guy that could give you that dream of yours!"

She just froze for a few seconds and took a deep breath before talking, "You didn't know what I've been through." She said and I know she's about to cry again. "Tell me please, I will do my best to give you that. I will end my career, what do you want? Do you want to go somewhere else and start a new life? Just please, let's start over. I still love you, Hope." I said, begged her to start again and forget that this day ever happened.

She removed my hand that is holding hers and said, "Let's end it, Steve. I'm so sorry, I'm not feeling the same way in you." I stopped because of what she said. I can't believe this is happening, I can't believe that those words came out of her mouth. She told me before that she will never do that, cheating and leaving me, she told me that before but then this is happening right now. The thing that I thought will never happen. "Please Hope! Please! No!" I kept on begging her and cried myself out. I really love her. She's my life, I did everything for her. Without her, I don't know what will happen to me.

"Please leave!" she shouts as she steps back away from me but I kept on begging her until I lost control of myself. "No! You're mine! We will never leave each other!" I said as I grab her arm without knowing that I'm already hurting her. I saw her face is starting to show fear then she didn't hesitate to slap me in the face. I stepped back after she did that. I never thought about everything that is happening right now, I still can't believe it. "You're obsessed! Leave and don't show yourself again or else I will call the cops!" I feel like I just lost the happiness that I have in this world and that is Hope. The only happiness that I have. I left so that the situation won't get even bigger. She just left me with that reason? If only she told me, I could have changed and this will never happen.

After that day, I never step out of my apartment. I stayed at home kept on wishing to end everything. I also started regretting everything that I did for her. Every night, I kept on cutting myself and regretting even living this life like this. I took my phone, this is the first time I opened my phone again for the past week. I set a reminder in two days and named it "My end." Now I only have two days to suffer this awful life of mine.

The next morning, I have nothing to do because I only have a day tomorrow. All-day I just stared at the ceiling of my apartment and not doing anything. Remembering what an awful life I have. A girlfriend who just may be used me from the beginning just to achieve what she wants and a dream that I would never achieve. I have lost hope right now, my friends are kept on telling me that it's still not the end but that hope is already gone.

***

In a few minutes, my end will come. I'm about to get my lighter to prepare myself, but then I heard a knock on my front door. "Steve! It's me! Hope!" she said as she keeps on knocking. "Steve don't do it, please! You can start a new life!" I ignored her, whenever I hear her voice it reminds me of what she did to me. I will still continue my plan, my end will come. I looked at the time and it's already 5:00 pm, it's time. I used my lighter to light it and it started to smoke. As the smoke spread around my apartment, I just sat there and wait for my end to come.

"Steve!!" Hope started banging on my front door, but I was prepared because I put my sofa in there to stop anyone to enter my apartment as I wait for my end. "Hope drives a person to live this life, yet my hope is already gone. The only hope I have... is gone." I said as I started to feel sleepy.

I closed my eyes knowing that my end is already here.

To be Continued...