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Future World Orders

Tác giả: Gideon
Khoa huyễn
Đang thực hiện · 18.3K Lượt xem
  • 14 ch
    Nội dung
  • 4.8
    16 số lượng người đọc
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Tóm tắt

Seth, a teenager, gets caught in an invasion incident in his hometown. Losing his family and his home, he has nowhere to return nor a way to survive. Unfortunately, he gets caught in a massive explosion and getting pinched in a ruined building which trapped him alive. An army unit passes by and saved him right before he meets his maker. Later on, he gets used by a scientist as his experiment subject illegally. After those scientists rewrite his memory, he decides to join the military and serves where he lives without knowing the truth. What will the future lead him into? Follow closely his adventures only on Future World Orders.

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Building a Business Empire with my Technological System

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Faux1231 · Khoa huyễn
4.2
407 Chs

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TheSpixa
TheSpixaLv1

Some parts of the story that were a bit questionable and that could be improved. The first line was too factual. It’s very much like you're stating a fact or writing an essay rather than writing everything a story. The use of the word actually or usually it’s a bit awkward because in conversations is when you usually would use the word actually or usually and not in writing because it doesn’t make sense nor does it fit in as a colloquial language, so it makes it awkwardly placed. In my opinion it’s better to explain the plot of the story using your practice like in a conversation or in a social setting the personality and beliefs et cetera. You could also incorporate or try to use adjectives, similes and descriptive words because your story could appeal more to readers that way. It also feels very choppy when you start a paragraph with “that day” or a date so that should be avoided. it also feels that your squeezing in information on when you can actually introduce it gradually you can also try writing in Google Docs or using grammarly because it can suggest better words to use or correct your grammar and as such. what are some of the things that I love about the story was The story has a great storyline. the plot is solid and it leaves a lot of room for improvement so that means your story can be very made 10x much better The use of the onomatopoeia was really good too. It contributed to the smoothness or appeal to the reader. The ending also left me in suspense, making me look forward to the next chapter. Adding of the character’s feelings also shaped the story. The use of good vocabulary was also something I enjoyed.

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