35. Chapter 35

The drive home was silent.

Jamie slept in the backseat and Carina sat looking out her window, so Maya kept her eyes on the road, weaving in and out of evening traffic. She wished she could keep driving, she wished she could take her little family and go far away, somewhere safe, a place where nothing bad could touch them.

Her thoughts drifted to the image of Carina with a knife to her throat, the picture so upsetting that Maya blinked and squirmed in her seat, willing the memory away.

She chanced a look at Carina, smiling just a little when she noticed that Carina had the collar of her t-shirt up over her nose. At least Maya was providing some comfort, even inadvertently.

Maya started making lists in her head, settling into the familiar comfort that plans and schedules always gave her. She knew they likely needed a lawyer. Simon Gillespie was an expert in adoption, but maybe he could suggest someone. Or maybe he’d know how to proceed. The police would likely need additional testimony and judging by the Florida connection, there was far more to the story than a random man walking into the fire station, trying to kidnap Jamie.

Why was life so constantly hard?

Maya thought back to her weeks at Castle Rock, how despite the difficulties of being away from home, Captain Dale’s team had embraced her. She thought about the night Carina surprised her, about how perfect Carina looked wandering the town the next day with her aviators and her Balenciaga purse and a shirt that said, “I Found Big Foot And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.”

The memory inspired hope. Because while it was true that life was hard, it could also be impossibly beautiful.

“After the adoption is finalized, we should go on a holiday. Just the three of us,” Maya said.

Carina shifted in her seat. “Hmmm?”

“I know you’re not much of a winter holiday person, but Captain Dale said we were free to use her brother’s cabin. Might be nice to get away from the city for a while.”

“In the snow?” Carina sounded incredulous, but at least she was talking.

“Yes, in the snow. But there’s apparently a fireplace, and a jacuzzi tub, and at night you can see all the stars.”

Carina didn’t say anything, and Maya took her silence as rejection until she felt a hand settle on her thigh.

“That sounds perfetto.”

“Yeah?”

“I like that. Just the three of us.”

By the time they arrived home, Carina was sore enough to require ibuprofen. She winced as she stepped out of the car and Maya quickly reached into the backseat for Jamie, trying hard not to jostle her awake.

The baby wiggled as Maya held her, her tiny face wedged against Maya’s neck. Maya could feel the flutter of eyelashes against her skin.

I almost lost this. I could have lost this. If we didn’t get there on time, if Travis didn’t…if I didn’t…if he had…if Carina was….

Carina leaned heavily against Maya in the elevator, her face pinched, her obvious pain breaking Maya’s heart.

“Do you want to take a shower? I’ll put her to bed,” Maya said as they walked through the door.

Carina nodded and then kissed the top of Jamie’s head before disappearing into their bedroom.

Taking care of a sleepy baby proved to be the perfect distraction from Maya’s dark thoughts, though changing Jamie’s diaper without waking her felt like deactivating a bomb sometimes.

Maya managed to remove Jamie’s onesie, but the cool air in the room was enough to disturb Jamie who blinked heavily and then burst into tears, her tiny, scrunched up face the very portrait of betrayal.

“Sorry, sorry!” Maya cooed, trying to pick up her pace while keeping a hand on Jamie’s tummy, “I know, Mommy is the meanest.”

The crying stopped as soon as Maya taped up the new diaper and zipped Jamie into her PJs. Maya could still hear the shower in their bedroom, so she decided to hold Jamie for a little while longer, giving Carina some privacy.

“You did such a good job making Mama feel better today,” Maya said, cradling Jamie in her arms. The baby yawned, her little body curling into Maya, seeking her warmth.

Maya raised her high enough that she could brush her nose against Jamie’s soft brown hair.

“That was really scary, hey Jamie? I know. I was really scared too. But you’re safe, I promise. I might have to go kick some ass in Florida…don’t tell Mama I taught you that word…but I will if I need to.”

Jamie’s eyes fluttered shut, but Maya took another minute with her, watching her sleep. When she heard the shower cut-out, she kissed Jamie’s head and placed her in the crib, hoping she had good little baby dreams about little baby things.

With one of her girls accounted for, Maya turned her focus to Carina.

She stepped into the kitchen, grabbing a few ice packs from the freezer and a glass of water, and then went off in search of her wife.

Carina was lying on Maya’s side of the bed, dressed in only her flannel PJ bottoms. The bruising stained her ribs and her hip, angry and dark and Maya could see the discomfort all over Carina’s face.

“Hey,” Maya said, trying not to startle Carina whose eyes were closed.

Carina frowned and then turned her face on the pillow, taking Maya in.

“Is Jamie sleeping?” Carina asked, her voice still so quiet that Maya subconsciously took a step closer to the bed just to hear her.

“She is. I brought you ice packs and ibuprofen.”

“Thank you, Bambina.”

“Is there…I mean…do you…” Maya wasn’t quite sure what she was trying to say as she stuttered, her thoughts moving faster than her ability to speak.

“What is it?”

She finally settled on the question that had been on her lips since she’d seen Carina on the stairs. “What can I do?”

Carina studied Maya with dark eyes, as if she was trying to find an answer to the question too.

She looked so pale, so tired, but she turned onto her back, wincing at the movement, before reaching out with one hand.

“Ice?” Maya asked, pleased when Carina nodded.

Maya set the ibuprofen on the bedside table and then got to work laying the ice packs along Carina’s side, using the bed to keep them propped up against the bruised skin. Carina shivered and Maya’s first instinct was to crawl into bed with her and hold her, to keep her warm just like she’d kept Jamie warm.

But Carina hadn’t asked her to do that, though the fact that she felt safe being half-naked around Maya was a good sign. For a moment at the station, Maya was worried that Carina had gone comatose or that she’d refuse any help or any touch.

She seemed caught somewhere in between. Lost in her memories, but wanting to stay present too, wanting to stay with Maya and Jamie.

When she was done with the ice, Maya handed Carina the bottle of ibuprofen and decided to start getting ready for bed. She changed into boxers and a t-shirt and then quickly popped into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

She hovered in the doorway when she was finished, looking at Carina who lay so still and who looked so lost.

“Is it okay if I sleep in the bed tonight?” Maya asked, fully prepared to take a few blankets to the couch.

Carina turned her face, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Of course, Maya,” she said.

“Sorry, I just wasn’t sure if…how you were feeling or…”

“I need you here with me. I…I don’t want to be alone.”

Maya almost jogged to the other side of the bed. She lay down facing Carina, and Carina rolled over too, a pained look flashing across her face as she jostled her ribs.

“Oh, Babe…” Maya reached out, wanting to take Carina’s hand, but she stopped herself. Instead, she fixed the icepacks, draping them over Carina’s torso. Again, Carina shivered and again Maya had to resist the urge to hold her.

Only this time Carina noticed.

She locked her fingers with Maya’s, joining their hands in the middle of the mattress.

“Sorry, I’m on your side of the bed,” Carina said, her lips lifting just a little.

Maya couldn’t stop the cheeky smile on her face. “Technically, this was my side of the bed. You stole it.”

“What?”

“The first time you slept over, you took this side and I just never said anything.”

“Why not?” Carina laughed, her thumb brushing over Maya’s knuckles.

“I’d never really allowed anyone to sleep over before…I mean…I did, but not like I did with you…”

“No?”

Maya shrugged. “You were the first person who stayed over that I didn’t want to kick out the next morning.”

“Oh? And why is that?”

“Because you smelled so good and I really, really liked you even though I was trying to pretend I didn’t and…”

“You really, really liked me? Bambina always so romantic.”

Maya hummed, content just to watch Carina, just to be close to her. It was always so easy between them, they brought each other peace in a way that neither had known before. Which is why it was so painful to see Carina hurting, to see the world invade their private little sanctuary.

When Carina’s eyes filled with tears a moment later, Maya squeezed the cold fingers locked with her own.

“I was so scared he was going to hurt Jamie,” Carina confessed, “but…I…I didn’t want to leave you. I was so scared he was going to take me away from you, that we wouldn’t get to grow old together.”

Maya bit her lip, willing herself not to cry too. 

“I was scared too,” Maya whispered, “when I saw you…Carina, I love you so much. You know that, right?”

Carina nodded, sniffling.

They both moved closer together, a well-choreographed step of Carina tucking her head below Maya’s chin and Maya’s arms circling Carina’s body. The ice packs fell off again and Carina’s skin was cold, but Maya felt her heartrate steady for the first time in hours.

Carina’s chest heaved, though she didn’t make a sound, so Maya just held her, stroking her fingers through her hair, letting Carina guide how and where she wanted Maya’s hands. Carina pulled at the back of Maya’s t-shirt taking fistfuls, keeping her close, not that Maya had any intention of moving away.

Her hold on Maya was like a vice, almost uncomfortable, but Maya welcomed it, she craved it. She couldn’t squeeze Carina in the same way, making do with gentle, feather-light touches against Carina’s shoulders and back.

It was always like this when Carina was triggered. She’d want space. She’d shun Maya’s touch. And then an invisible switch would flip and she’d grab on with sharp fingers, as if she was relearning Maya’s body, relearning the trust between them.

When Carina’s tears slowed, Maya kissed the top of her head, tucking a long strand of hair behind her ear, exposing her face.

“Are you tired?” Maya asked, unsure if Carina would want to sleep, or even if she could.

She felt a nod against her chest.

Maya reached over to turn off the lamp before resuming her position holding Carina.

“Okay. I’ve got you,” she whispered into the dark.

There was a tug against the back of her shirt again, a silent affirmation that Maya was solid and present and not going anywhere.

“I’ve got you,” Maya whispered again, grateful she could say it.

Grateful it was true.

~*~

Maya couldn’t move her legs.

Her legs that had always carried her. Her legs that gave her speed and agility. Her legs that were her father’s greatest accomplishment.

And now she couldn’t move them.

She stood in the barn, staring through the window, staring at Carina who stared back.

And Maya couldn’t move her legs.

She could hear Jamie crying. She could see the blood dripping down Carina’s neck.

And she could not move her legs.

Maya reached out, trying to lurch forward, trying to do anything, but all she could do was watch.

As the man moved his hand.

As he moved it horizontally across Carina’s…

As the blood…

As Carina…

Maya gasped, pushing herself up on her elbows so violently that it disturbed Carina who called her name, though Maya couldn’t answer her yet.

She tried to breathe, she tried to remember how, and when the dark room came into focus her brain finally registered that she’d been caught in a dream, that it wasn’t real, that Carina was beside her…

A warm hand circled her wrist, but Maya still couldn’t bring herself to turn. Because what if the blood…

What if…

“Bambina?”

Maya swallowed hard, forcing her eyes closed, trying to count each breath, each heartbeat.

It was just a dream. Just a dream. It was just a dream.

Her legs worked. She wiggled her toes under the blanket. She could feel everything.

“Maya?” Carina’s voice was hoarse from sleep and Maya wanted to lie down again and tell Carina that she was okay.

But she wasn’t. She couldn’t quite find her voice.

Carina sat up next to her, cursing softly in pain. The whispered cazzo pulled Maya from her stupor as she realized that Carina was hurting, Carina needed her, Carina was right beside her.

“Sorry,” she said, finally turning her face, her heart still beating too loudly. It made her feel dizzy.

“Maya are you okay?”

“I…”

Say yes. Tell her yes. Just…say…yes…

“Maya can you please talk to me?”

The hand on her wrist moved up, cupping her cheek, and Maya leaned into it, greedy for the contact.

“I…it was just a dream. I’m okay,” she managed.

The room was cast in grey and it made Carina look blurry, as if she wasn’t quite there. Maya hated the thought.

“Maya, please.”

“Carina, honestly, I’m fine,” Maya said, wondering what time it was. She wanted to go for a run.

“You don’t need to be fine, Maya. If it was you…I wouldn’t be fine.”

Maya fisted her hands into the blanket, her knuckles turning white. She was afraid that if she spoke, she’d start to cry, and she didn’t want that. Not when it was Carina hurting.

Except Carina’s fingers found their way into Maya’s hair, scratching lightly at her scalp, and it broke through her carefully constructed defenses as it always did. She bowed her head, clenching her jaw as the first tear fell, hating how tight her chest felt.

“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered, “I should’ve been faster. I shouldn’t have…”

“No, Maya, no…” Carina’s arm wrapped around Maya’s shoulders, holding her closer.

Maya pulled her knees to her chest and brought her hands to Carina’s forearm where it lay draped across her body. She held on, pressing her forehead to it, trying to get herself together, to keep herself together.

It was Carina who needed comfort. Who needed her arms and her safety.

“I froze,” Maya confessed, “when I first saw you…I froze…if Travis hadn’t…”

Carina shifted on the mattress. She was suddenly there, pushing down Maya’s knees, straddling her lap, her hands settling on Maya’s shoulders as she faced her. It happened so quickly that Maya tensed, unsure where to put her own hands because she didn’t want to touch Carina in any way that would upset her. Carina made the decision for her when the fingers on her shoulders moved into her hair, encouraging her to lean in.

Maya pressed her face between Carina’s breasts, her arms circling her hips, and she breathed in deeply, allowing herself tears now that she was protected and safe and home.

“There was nothing you could have done,” Carina said, her fingers still in Maya’s hair, “but it is over. And Jamie is safe. And I’m…”

“I don’t want to be here if you’re not here.”

Her words were muffled, she spoke too quickly, but they tumbled out before she could stop them, before she could fully understand what she’d said.

Carina’s whole body became rigid and then her hands were on Maya’s face, forcing her back, forcing her to look up into dark, worried eyes.

“Bambina, do not say that,” she said, her thumbs tracing Maya’s cheekbones.

“I thought he was going to take you from me. And I…Carina…I can’t…I’m supposed to go first. That’s how this works. I’m supposed to go…”

Carina’s eyes welled with tears, as she shook her head, her chin trembling.

“I’m supposed to go first,” Maya said again, unable to keep the agony for her voice.

“Toccami.”

Maya furrowed her brow, surprised by the request.

“But…you’re hurt,” she said, “and…”

Carina cut her off with a kiss, soft and sad, but Maya leaned in. Needing to feel Carina against her. She didn’t want to do anything that would make Carina uncomfortable, she was scared to trigger her again, but she’d be lying if she said that touching Carina wasn’t healing the wounds left by the evening.

“I’m here,” Carina said, still holding Maya’s head, “I’m here and no one is taking me from you.”

She helped guide Maya to her neck, and Maya understood the permission she’d been granted. The bandage felt rough beneath her lips, but she kissed it nonetheless, lightly, brushing her nose against Carina’s jawline.

The bruising on Carina’s ribs was dark, even in the dim light Maya could make out the purple and black, and she dragged her fingertips over it, careful not to apply any pressure.

Before Carina, Maya couldn’t imagine being with one person for the rest of her life. Sleeping with one person. Having access to one body. She thought she’d want a parade of bodies, a temporary, exhilarating, once-a-week encounter that she’d quickly forget because a body was a body.

She wasn’t blind. There was the redhead she met at the karaoke bar whose ass had driven Maya to distraction. Until the next morning where not even that ass could convince Maya to let the nameless woman stay for breakfast. There was the guy with glasses whose hands looked like they’d been sculpted by Bernini. She’d made him leave in the middle of the night. It was one thing for those hands to touch her in pleasure. It was another for his arms to wrap around her in bed as he spooned her. She’d shuddered and rolled over and kicked him out with little thought and even less guilt.

Jack had nice eyes. Though the double-barred captain’s badge had eventually appealed to her far more than anything Jack had to offer.

And then Carina DeLuca walked into her life. The first time Maya stripped Carina naked, she found herself rendered speechless, as if her brain had liquified and she was no longer capable of forming coherent thoughts. Everything about her drove Maya wild. Maya felt insane, she felt herself dwelling on bone structure and musculature. She could have written essays about Carina’s kneecaps, her toes, her collarbone.

Logically, she understood that a body really was a body. That boobs were boobs and hip bones were hip bones. But Carina’s body…

The body that she held in her arms. The body that someone had brutalized. The body that she’d sworn to love and honour and protect.

Maya was crushed. She felt like something had been taken from them, something she desperately wanted back. And it seemed like Carina felt the same way because her fingers were cold against Maya’s face, cold and desperate as she found Maya’s lips again.

“Toccami,” Carina insisted, rearing back, her hands finding the hem of Maya’s t-shirt.

Maya still hesitated. She didn’t know how to negotiate this. She didn’t know if giving in to Carina’s request was the healthy things to do. Would it hurt Carina even more?

“But, Carina…are you sure? Because I don’t want to…upset you…or…before you were…and”

Carina bowed her head, sagging a little in Maya’s lap.

“He put his hands on me,” she whispered, “he touched me and I didn’t want him to touch me. I only want you to touch me, Maya. Just you.”

Maya took a deep breath before pulling her shirt over her head.

Sex was power. It could be fun and it could be beautiful and it could be awkward and everything in between. But at the end of the day, the level of trust Carina granted Maya and Maya granted Carina was as binding as the signatures on their marriage certificate.

Carina’s control had been taken from her by a man who wanted to destroy their family. It echoed another time and another man and Maya wanted her wife to take her control back. So she waited, not touching, not kissing.

She waited though she did not need to wait long.

Carina set her hands on Maya’s shoulders, her fingertips tickling as they stroked down her arms, her biceps, her wrists. She nodded, which inspired Maya to rest both palms against Carina’s thighs, tentative, but warm.

“Togli questi,” Carina said, plucking at the waistband of Maya’s boxers.

“Are you sure?”

“Sì, Bambina. Vieni qui.”

They awkwardly broke apart to undress, Carina balancing on her knees, Maya wiggling beneath her, but soon Maya’s boxers and Carina’s PJ bottoms were on the floor and Carina was back in Maya’s lap, warm and naked. Maya reclined against the pillows, bringing Carina with her. She set her hands on Carina’s hips, taking a moment to enjoy how good it felt to have Carina pressed against her.

Maya could feel the rise and fall of Carina’s chest. She could hear each inhale and exhale. She could see the blush across Carina’s cheeks and the tension in her muscles as she held herself up over Maya’s body.

And she could taste…

Maya raised her head just enough to kiss the bandaged skin below Carina’s jaw again. She stroked her fingers up and down Carina’s spine, smiling when she felt Carina’s hand sneak between them to cup her breast. Mindful of the bruising, Maya tickled Carina’s sides, wishing she could cover the evidence of Carina’s pain. Of how close she’d come to losing Carina forever.

The thought spurred her on. She pressed open mouthed kissing Carina’s shoulders, nipping the skin, stifling a moan as Carina thumbed her nipple. She found Carina’s lips again, kissing her, each movement languid, as if they had time.

Because they did. They’d come so close to never having time again.

Maya raised one hand to Carina’s throat, settling the pads of her fingers against Carina’s pulse point, feeling the strong, steady beat of that precious heart.

“Sit up,” Maya said, careful not to be demanding. She just wanted to hold Carina, to shelter her, to make her feel surrounded and protected.

Carina didn’t protest and instead let Maya guide their movements. They both sat, Carina between Maya’s legs, her back to Maya’s front. Her body rested heavily on Maya’s as she leaned her head against Maya’s shoulder and let herself go limp, using Maya’s thighs to keep herself steady.

The position allowed Maya to wrap her arm around Carina’s chest, to cup her breast and hold her, as she let her free hand drift down Carina’s torso, down to where Carina was so warm, and so soft. Maya’s first touch was tentative, she wanted to give Carina space to stop everything if she decided it was too much, but Carina only sighed and squeezed Maya’s thighs and spread her legs further.

Maya set her lips against Carina’s shoulder, looking down, watching the movement of her fingers against Carina’s clit. She listened to the way Carina’s breathing changed, to the soft little moans, the fluttering, rigid movements of her hands. She held her so close, she felt like she contained Carina, like Carina’s body was part of her own, like every arch of Carina’s back molded into her skin.

She felt Carina’s life beneath her fingertips.

Swollen and throbbing, each stroke making Maya’s fingers wetter and wetter as Maya dipped inside. She released Carina’s breast, wanting to rub Carina’s clit as she thrust in and out, as she filled her. Carina moaned Maya’s name, reaching up to thumb her own nipples, pinching them as Maya brought her close to the edge.

She could feel Carina trembling, she could feel the fluttering muscles around her fingers, and she could also sense that Carina was close, not quite there, but close, and struggling…

“I love you,” Maya whispered, her lips brushing Carina’s ear.

“Maya…”

“Let go for me, Babe, I’m right here to catch you.”

Carina whimpered, tipping her head back so far that her chin brushed Maya’s cheek. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out, instead she breathed in, her chest expanding, and then tensed in Maya’s arms, her eyes squeezed shut, her body riding out its pleasure. Maya worried that Carina was going to hurt herself, that the movements would pull at her neck or her bruises. But Carina seemed not to care as she pushed herself back into Maya over and over, one arm reaching behind her, finding Maya’s hair, holding on.

She slumped over seconds later, and Maya moved her hands, gently draping them across Carina’s chest, again feeling the steady, rhythmic pulse that was Maya’s entire world.

She waited for Carina to gather herself, to move her body again, smiling when Carina turned and caught her her lips in a soft kiss. The angle was awkward, but Maya didn’t care, she just wanted to be kissing Carina forever. Carina seemed to agree because she turned more in Maya’s lap, all the way until they sat facing each other, Carina’s legs locking behind Maya’s back.

Carina’s mouth silenced Maya’s moan at the feel of them pressed together so intimately. It was so overwhelming that Maya had to lean back, she had to gasp for air in some small attempt to slow down her heart, to still the swooping sensation low in her belly.

“Are you okay?” She asked, knowing Carina had likely jostled her injuries, finding it easier to focus on Carina than pay attention to the intensity of her need.

Carina’s hands found their way back into Maya’s hair, tugging just enough to force another soft gasp from Maya’s throat.

Without speaking, Carina reached down, moving Maya’s legs so that her thighs lay over Carina’s. She pushed on Maya’s shoulders, forcing her to recline against the pillows, just enough so that Maya was left open and vulnerable in Carina’s lap, an offering.

From the new angle, she watched Carina’s eyes drift from her face and down…

She watched her lick her lips and Maya grabbed hold of the blanket beneath her, sensing that any minute Carina was going to touch her. She was going to feel her.

“Voglio te,” Carina mumbled, dark eyes watching Maya as she slipped her fingers between Maya’s legs without warning.

It was only belatedly that Maya realized how turned on she was, how wet and needy. Touching Carina always had that effect, but she’d been concentrating so closely on Carina that she was almost surprised to feel how slick Carina’s fingers became as they teased her.

She tightened her grip on the blanket, watching Carina’s graceful fingers as they spread her open.

“Inside,” she husked, tensing her jaw when Carina obeyed, burying two fingers deep, deep enough that Maya rose up, almost seated, until Carina used her free hand to press down on her pelvis, forcing her back against the pillows.

The part of Maya’s brain that was still able to form thoughts knew that it was important to stay quiet. Jamie was sleeping and she didn’t want to wake her baby.

But Carina was pushing her closer and closer to oblivion and it was hard not to cry out, it was so hard not to call for Carina. Instead, she tried to watch Carina’s hands, but the sight of her wife’s fingers disappearing inside her, the feel of Carina so deep, Maya could not keep back the strangled gasp.

Carina must have sensed her struggled because she rose up on her knees and lay herself over Maya, covering her, her mouth close enough to Maya’s that they could kiss, that she could take Maya in and lick her bottom lip and claim her.

Each thrust was hard, it was steady, Carina kept up an unrelenting pace and all Maya could do was buck underneath her, was hold onto her shoulders and pray she wouldn’t break apart. She raised her head, pressing her face into Carina’s neck, belatedly realizing that she’d chosen the side where a knife had slit Carina’s skin, where it had drawn blood.

The bandage felt strange against Maya’s lips, but she couldn’t tear herself away, not when her entire body tensed, when every muscle spasmed, not when she could only spread her legs wider, and give herself entirely to Carina, and struggle through a half-mangled version of Carina’s name.

She came hard, coating Carina’s fingers, gasping so harshly that her chest hit Carina’s, her breasts and her rib cage and her stomach sweaty and slick against Carina’s skin. Carina was whispering to her, soothing her, but Maya was caught in the molten kaleidoscope behind her eyelids, her hips locked as they met Carina’s thrusts over and over and over and over…

Carina lay heavily on top of her. Maya couldn’t tell if she was crying or if it was sweat. She didn’t care. She just wrapped her arms around Carina’s body and held her and refused to let go.

“Are you tired,” Maya asked, slipping her fingers into Carina’s hair.

Carina shook her head. “I wish I was. But I do not want to sleep.”

“Nightmares are the worst.”

“Sì. But we will not have them tomorrow, at least.”

This gave Maya pause. “Oh? How do you know that?”

“Nonna said that if you have nightmares one night, you cannot have them the next night. It is impossibile.”

“Huh. Nonna seems like she was a very wise woman.” Maya knew without a doubt that Carina would impart the same wisdom to Jamie.

And while she knew that Nonna’s theory was likely untrue, there was an odd comfort in the idea. As if their shared nightmares could not survive another day. As if they could already take comfort in the fact that the bad dreams were over.

“She was.” Carina tucked her head beneath Maya’s chin and dragged her fingertips over Maya’s arm, tracing invisible patterns.

“What did she do when you were sick?”

“Soup. And cake,” Carina said with a laugh.

“Cake?”

“Certo. Cake makes everything better.”

“More Nonna wisdom?” Maya teased, relieved by their light conversation and the welcome weight of Carina’s body on top of hers.

“No. Science, Bambina. But what about you? When you were sick?”

So much for a light conversation. Maya tried to think back to her childhood. She tried to remember if she’d ever taken a sick day with her gran.

“I didn’t get sick,” she said, knowing how ridiculous it sounded.

Carina pushed herself up on her elbows, still hovering over Maya. She furrowed her eyebrows, considering Maya’s face.

“How? Everyone gets sick. Schools are full of bacteria.”

Note to self: buy Jamie a hazmat suit…

“Uh…only losers got sick…so…” Maya trailed off awkwardly, shifting her eyes away from Carina’s all-seeing gaze.

“Maya…”

“My mom would sneak me pudding.”

It was an odd memory, murky, but she could picture herself lying in bed, sniffling, and then Katherine was there with a pudding cup and a spoon. Whispered words and worried glances over her shoulder.

Carina kissed Maya’s chest, nuzzling her nose against her sternum.

“Jamie will have soup and cake and pudding,” Maya said, smiling as she felt Carina nod against her skin.

They lay in silence for a moment, content to breathe against each other, until Carina’s ibuprofen wore off and she winced just as Maya’s bladder made itself known. There was no use trying to go back to sleep, so they both got up, popping into the bathroom, washing their faces, pulling on robes and sweatpants.

“Are you going for a run?” Carina asked, sitting on the bed while holding an ice pack to her side.

Maya shook her head. “Maybe later. I can take Jamie with me so you can nap.”

“Mmm. Marry me?”

“Sure. Why not?”

Carina extended her hand and Maya gladly accepted. They couldn’t erase the fear or the trauma, they couldn’t erase Carina’s bruises or the blood. But they could stand together, hand-in-hand, breathing the same air, trying to heal.

Maya leaned down, kissing Carina’s forehead.

The baby monitor cackled to life seconds later, indicating that Jamie was up for the day too.

“I’ll get Jamie,” Maya said, still holding Carina’s fingers.

“And I’ll get coffee,” Carina laughed, standing.

Jamie was a tiny ball of righteous anger as Maya walked into the nursery. She was kicking her legs, her little face scrunched up in a frown that was pure Carina.

“Baby T-Rex, why the roar?” Maya scooped Jamie up and dangled her high in the air. Jamie still seemed displeased, though the crying had stopped, so Maya brought her closer to her chest, cradling her.

“Are you upset about what happened to Mama?” Maya studied Jamie’s pout, wondering if she could sense that something was off, “It’s okay if you are. I am too. Should we go see her?”

Jamie huffed, staring up at Maya, which Maya took to mean Andiamo, mommy!

She carried Jamie into the kitchen, rolling her eyes when Jamie’s frown turned into a wide grin at the sight of Carina.

“Oh, sure, I see how it is,” Maya said, biting back her own laughter when Carina took Jamie and held her close.

Maya loved to see their heads bowed together, she loved the way that Jamie nuzzled against Carina every time.

“Buongiorno, cucciola,” Carina cooed, her eyes never leaving Maya’s face.

Jamie’s little fingers brushed against Carina’s bandaged neck and though they could not take away what lay underneath, they could heal.

Maya knew without a doubt.

They could heal.