Chapter XXXVI

"My class ends in about an hour." Sehun looked at his watch as his other hand removed the scarf that was placed snugly around his neck.

"Is it alright if you come home first?" He asked, a trickle of worry painted on his face. He wraps the thick wool scarf around your neck, then proceeds to fix your hair. "It's cold out."

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

You give him a small smile as you watch a few students walking towards your direction. You recognize some of them as Sehun's classmates, and you push him to go on to his next and last subject of the day.

"I'm not going to die of hypothermia Sehun." You say.

"Says the girl who forgot to wear a sweater in a weather like this." He retorts. "I know I shouldn't worry, but you know how careless you can be sweetheart."

Rolling your eyes at him, you proceed to push him away, yet Sehun was a little too worried to let you walk alone in the cold afternoon, but by the time that his last subject will end, it'll already be dark outside, and making you wait for him out in the cold is not really an option.

"Go, or you're going to be late." You push him once more, but Sehun only moves closer to you, stealing an unexpected kiss from your lips, and it makes you pout at the man.

"Ugh! Just leave already." You snort.

Okay, so what if he went back to your apartment earlier to get you a jacket? It's no big deal. And alright, it was a sweet, and a little heart fluttering gesture, but it's not like you're gonna freeze to death without his jacket.

But…

How can that actually happen, when being loved by this man is enough to thaw away the cold?

That little thought made you smile, but seeing that he doesn't want to leave, you convince him once more that you'll be fine on your own, shoving off your thoughts in the deepest corner of your mind. When he finally gave in and left, you stood there watching his leaving figure, and once you no longer caught sight of Sehun, you turned around to leave the building. with one hand fixing your sling bag, and the other looking at your phone.

"I have a surprise for you later."

You read his text.

"Wear something nice okay?"

You take slow steps, lazing around the hallways of the building. You try to think of things that he might surprise you with, but so far, the only thing you thought of is a fluffy companion waiting for you inside your apartment. Sehun has been whining for days on end, telling you he wants to adopt a puppy, yet he claims to be rather awful when it comes to taking care of pets.

Wearily, you slip your phone inside your pocket and look around the hallway. There are hardly any students left, some probably have classes, and most must already be inside the comfort of their home, with the weather slowly getting colder. December is fast approaching, and you're excited to watch the first snowfall this year.

You walk further and further outside, but stop on your tracks when you notice a tall figure walking towards your direction. You notice that he too stayed put, and how the air is suddenly filled with tension. He is standing there in front of you, with his hands inside his pockets and a surprised look plastered on his face.

"Jongin…"

You say his name in a soft whisper, and you watch how his adams apple bobs up and down, the tension slowly consuming him.

It has been quite a long while since you last saw him, and needless to say, things got a little sour between the two of you. You remembered the last time you were with him, and how he so boldly kissed you. You remembered how he kept on calling you the next day, and how you thought of blocking his number or not, if it was wise to still keep in touch with him. You've decided to talk to him still, despite the mixed emotions you have towards his actions. Maybe he was just trying to be a good friend, to try and make you forget about Sehun, and maybe, he never did like you in that way, after all, he never did confess anything. When you've gotten back with Sehun, thoughts about his friend never even crossed your mind, so come the time that you saw Kai walking alone in the campus, with Sehun's arm wrapped tightly around your waist, you can say that the encounter was a little awkward, too awkward actually. You saw how much distaste is written all over his face, and how the two were sizing up the other, intimidating each other with their piercing gazes. It took you an immense will to pull Sehun away, but before you can leave, you gave the other male an apologetic look, which he returns with a grueling smirk on his face. It left you clueless. Kai has always been a puzzle to you. You never know what's going on inside his head, or what his every action means, so when he walked away smiling that day, you thought that all is well between the two of you.

You have never been more wrong.

After that encounter, Kai didn't attempt to call you, or talk to you, and you haven't seen him since. You felt guilty about the fact that you might have offended him in any way, or hurt his feelings. Even though Sehun had completely had all of your attention, it does not mean that your mind wanders around another boy, and as you stand there in full agitation, you watch as he slowly turns away and leaves.

"Jongin, wait!"

You start walking once more as you call out his name louder, and it makes him stop walking, yet before you can reach him, he starts walking again.

"W-wait!"

His movements start to get faster, it almost seems like he's running away from you, but you thought nothing of it and ran towards him. Once you're outside the building, you ran faster, not minding the few students chatting outside, and Jongin, much to your relief, stops dead on his tracks. You watch as his chest heaves up and down, just like you are at the moment, trying to catch your breath, and after a while, everything became silent.

"Are we…okay?"

You ask in a careful tone, while you walk towards him. You watch him closely, yet you've failed to notice how his hands are clenched in a ball, and how much pain is painted inside his eyes.

"Jongin, please say something."

You plead as you reach for his arm, and when he felt your hand wrapping around him, his body tenses.

"We're…okay, princess."

He says rather indifferently, and you ponder whether you should believe him or not.

"That's not how I see things." You say. "Since when have you learned to lie to me?"

You let out a heavy sigh, while you give yourselves distance. You can feel that he's trying to move away, and you felt rejected by his actions.

"Is that so?"

He turns around and you were caught off guard by a cluster of silver hair swaying in front of you. You watch closely how the wind plays with his beautiful locks, giving him a soft expression.

"How do you see things, princess?"

He asks in a flat monotone voice and a stoic expression that makes you feel uncomfortable. It was like a switch has been turned on, and you have no idea how to deflect the man's curious questions.

"You…changed your hair." You say instead, completely ignoring the subject. "It looks good on you."

"Hmm." He smirks, and you swear that you have never felt so intimidated in your life.

You stand there feeling so little about yourself, while the man is towering over you, intimidating you with his meaningful smile and his unsympathetic eyes. It felt like an eternity, you standing in front of him. You want to talk to him, ask him how he's been, but you can't seem to form a single word.

"I wish..." He says all of a sudden, as he walks closer and closer towards you.

"I wish I could stop my feelings." He says once again. "But the heart wants what it wants."

"I-" You take a few steps back, yet Kai doesn't seem to want to stop, so you walk back a little more. "I don't get you." And a little, until you feel the concrete wall against your back.

"I can't believe I fell for my best friend's girl." He scoffs, and suddenly, you feel like your world is spinning.

"I fucking fell for my best friend's girlfriend." He spat the words, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "Do you know how fucked up that is?"

"No." You hitch a breath. "That's not true.

You watch as his brows furrowed, and you fail to see the disappointment in his eyes. Here he is, confessing in front of you, while you are in utter denial.

"I'm sorry to say this sweetheart, but it is the damn truth." He moves a little closer, his hands resting against the concrete wall. "And you know this, don't you? You knew all along."

Kai grits his teeth, anger and despair slowly consuming him.

Yes, you knew all along. Those times when he kissed you, you can sense a sense of longing in his kiss, the same longing you feel whenever you feel Sehun's lips against yours, yet you chose to ignore it. You chose to ignore the fact that he does indeed have feelings for you, for you knowing the truth will only cause you guilt, guilt that will haunt you every single night.

"I-I wasn't really sure." You say in a soft whisper, while the male can't keep his eyes off of you, studying your face carefully.

"And now you're back with him? Even though he left you out cold?" You can hear the pain laced inside his voice, and you can sense how much he's trying to contain his emotions, yet he failed to hide from his mask.

"I gave you up for him, princess. I gave you up because I know he deserves you, but what did he do?" His chests heaved up and down with every word that's spoken. "What did he fucking do?!"

Hearing his voice laced with anger, you start to tremble in fear, and as you watch the man in front of you unravel, his mouth clenched, his eyes laced in furry, you clutch your bag, trying to hold on for dear life.

You have no idea what he was talking about.

He gave you up?

For who?

For Sehun?

But didn't you meet Sehun first?

You have never felt more conflicted in your life. Hearing those words from his very mouth, and not knowing the awful truth, it finally drove you over the edge. You can sense how your knees are slowly getting weaker, but despite it all, you want to run. You want to run away and never look back ever again. Jongin is a very dear friend of yours. He had been there whenever you're down, and even those times when you're genuinely happy. He had always been there for you, and you'd rather walk away and think that all of this is just an awful lie.

"You know I love him."

Tears start to pool your eyes. You grieve for a friendship that is lost, and you blame it all on yourself. If you weren't so fragile, then he wouldn't have to be around you all of the time. If only you were brave enough to fend for yourself, then Kai wouldn't feel like saving a damsel in distress. And maybe, if you weren't so vulnerable, then he wouldn't have fallen for someone as useless as yourself.

"I'm sorry Jongin." You hitch a breath. "I'm so sorry."

Kai mutters under his breath. Seeing your tear-stained face, knowing that it is all his doing, hurts him a little bit more. It was bad enough that he lost the fight, long before it even started, and seeing you crying because of his confession, it was more than a slap to the face.

He reached for your hands that are covering your eyes, then he gently wipes away your tears. He willed himself to smile, a smile that didn't even reach his eyes.

"Shhh…" He hums as he wipes away your tears. "It's okay princess."

"No." you shake your head repeatedly, tears pooling your eyes once more. "It's not okay. I don't want to hurt you. You're a very dear friend to me Kai."

Friend.

Jongin smiled a bitter smile. He didn't know how one simple word can hurt so much. He knows that he is nothing more than a friend to you, yet the moment he heard it right from your mouth, it sent tremors all throughout his body.

"I know you're going to hate me." He says in a defeated tone. "But-"

He tried his best to force another smile, as he gently tucks your hair against your ear. Kai moved slowly, pinning you against the concrete wall.

"We'll forget about this in the morning."

He says, and before you can even reply, he lunges towards you, his hands cupping your face so very tenderly, as his lips crash against yours. You didn't notice how the place is slowly getting dark, or how that familiar tune plays inside your pocket, ignoring the call from the very person who is watching from a distance with a fiery in his eyes.