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Finally got lucky.

An unlucky yet persistent fellow finally strikes gold. But before that, he had to put in the effort. [What superpower do you want and why?] [Which type of wizard are you? Answer this questionnaire to find out!] [Hot MILFS in your area!!! Click here to see which one sent you a message request!!!] "No way... the hot MILF wasn't real as well?! The survey lied to me?!" The unlucky fellow almost lost the will to live. Almost. For the thousandth time, he was met with disappointment, but he kept going. "I'm tired. I'll just do a few more surveys and call it a day. The next one is..." [Legit Golden Finger/Cheat/Hacks Survey (For real).exe | PLEASE ANSWER THIS SURVEY, SOMEONE!] "...sounds legit. Let's do it." -------------------- [No Harem] -------------------- This is my crackfic. I started this story five months prior to posting. It's not finished, but I'm posting some saved up chapters anyway. I guess it's more correct to say that volume 1 is done. First World: Ke#j# N# #a#o

Iamdelicious · Tranh châm biếm
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13 Chs

13 Rooms at the Back

----------------------

The Negative Hub, also known as Level -1. It was a place that connected to many levels in the Backrooms, primarily negative ones. However, there are rare instances when one can find themself ascending instead of going deeper into the negative levels.

"I'm finally back. 7th time is the charm, right?"

Seeing the familiar neverending hotel hallway brought a smile to Hannah's face. She quickly closed the door behind her. It wouldn't be good if something followed her in.

"Phew."

From her backpack, Hannah pulled out a much needed meal. She hadn't been able to eat anything in the previous level as it was too dangerous to stop for rest.

Hannah teared off the plastic seal, and without hesitation, lapped up the purple, gelatinous substance within.

"Ah~ Finally. Some good fucking food."

Known as Moth Jelly, this delectable delicacy not only boasted an exceptionally sweet taste but also provided the nutritional equivalent of a hearty breakfast, lunch, and dinner combined.

Hannah took her time. She wasn't in any particular hurry. Although entities roam the very hallway she was now in, bumping into one was highly unlikely. If push comes to shove, however, she can escape into one of the doors lining the walls.

Still, it didn't take long for her to start walking along the hallway. A serving of Moth Jelly wasn't large to begin with. She drank a sip of almond water to ease her thirst as she moved on.

Every time Hannah came across a door, she pressed her ear against it and listened carefully. Depending on what sounds came from the other side, Hannah can guess which level it lead to. There were also other indicators like appearance, but sound was fairly concrete. She marked doors that led to relatively safer levels with an X mark using chalk. The other, more unstable levels were left untouched.

Doors that didn't have sounds coming from them were rare. It meant that they lead to nowhere, hence they were locked. As far as Hannah knew, forcefully opening one was not only hard but also dangerous. Who knew what kind of entity the noise might attract.

Hours turned into days, and days turned into weeks. Thanks to the abundance of moth jelly in her backpack, Hannah wasn't worried about starving to death. Surviving for so long wasn't an impossibility in a place as perplexing as the Backrooms.

But there are things to be wary of.

There are times when the piano music playing in the background gets super loud that she can't hear very well, or when her surroundings start losing color until they become black and white, but a combination of Almond Water and simply continuing to walk forward were enough to swat those annoying phenomena off her back.

Suddenly, Hannah dropped to the floor. Faint as it was, the sound of growling reached her ears.

Hannah stared down the hallway. It kept stretching until it converged into nothing but a dot in the distance.

Please don't come this way.

She couldn't see the entity making the noise. Light may travel faster than sound, but it was no use at this distance.

The growls became increasingly louder. Hannah shifted backwards to a door she marked X just moments prior.

Don't you dare come here.

Hannah stayed stock still. She couldn't see the entity yet, and the entity couldn't see her, so as things were, it wasn't too dangerous.

Please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaseeee just leave.

But the main reason why she had yet to leave was because returning to Level -1 wasn't easy. It wasn't as simple as going back from which you came. The Backrooms worked in mysterious ways.

Please go away!

Unfortunately for Hannah, footsteps began accompanying the entity's noisy growling. Whatever was making the noise was on fours like a dog.

With unblinking eyes, Hannah saw the dot in the distance become two. There was a smaller dot now, and it was slowly getting bigger.

Shit.

As the entity kept coming closer, Hannah started making out the appearance of the entity.

The entity resembled a dog whose body from the neck down was dipped in acid. Apart from the long, disheveled black hair on its head, the entity's pale skin and boney limbs were clear for all to see.

Hannah recognized the entity.

A Hound!

Hounds were hostile entities that roam the lower levels. Despite their sickly appearance, they possess a surprising amount of power when they attack. It's advised that upon seeing a Hound, wanderers must immediately flee the scene, especially if they do not possess firearms for self-defense.

In most cases, wanderers attacked by Hounds do not die. Instead, once bitten, the virus present in the Hound's saliva will cause the wanderer's body and mind to undergo a painful reconstruction process. After approximately 30 minutes later, the infected wanderer will have transformed into another mindless Hound.

There is no known cure for the Hound Virus, and Hannah knew this.

But she also knew that Hounds can be intimidated. Just maybe, she won't need to escape.

The Hound was now close enough that Hannah could see its sharp, canine teeth. Its eyes were fully white, lacking irises or pupils. Logically speaking, it shouldn't be able to see her, yet Hannah knew that it had its eyes on her.

"Shoo!" As Hannah got up from the floor, she retrieved a small container from her back pocket. It felt warm to the touch. "Don't make me use my deadly magic on you!"

The Hound growled in response. The fact that it had yet to run at her in a frenzy showed that it was cautious of the human before it. Such cautiousness won't last forever, and Hannah had to act now.

"Fine, you dumb dog!" Hannah opened the container, allowing some of the contents to spill onto her hand. What came out were translucent orange pebbles that glowed with a red light.

Then, she threw them at the Hound. Hannah quickly closed her eyes and covered her ears.

The result was immediate. Upon impact, the pebbles exploded like mini stun grenades. The hotel hallway lit up like a firework show, and in the middle of it, the Hound was having an epileptic fit. The explosions were powerful enough that it caused first and second degree burns on the Hound's body. The smell of burnt meat reached its nose, but it instinctively knew that it wasn't appetizing at all.

With a yelp, the Hound ran off the way it came.

It didn't take long for the Hound to become a dot in the distance. The yelps it made soon disappeared as well, until only the sound of piano music remained.

Hannah sighed in relief.

"Easy-peasy. It probably won't mess with me anymore."

Thus, the search continued.

...

...

...

...

...

"Son of a bitch, not now!"

Hannah was on the floor once more. She heard the sound of growling rapidly approaching, and there was more than one.

It may have just been the echoes, so Hannah stayed back, waiting for the entity to come closer. Reality, however, was cruel.

"Seriously?! Three?!"

Three Hounds. It wasn't just their numbers that worried her. The fact that there were three of them this time meant that the Hounds were far more ballsy. Explosions with firesalt won't scare them away.

Hannah clicked her tongue. How is it that three of them even manage to spawn in this place and decide to team up?!

Hounds were normally solitary creatures. Encountering one and only one was the norm. Stumbling across a trio was a world record.

The Hound leading the pack was a familiar face. It would take more than a few days for the burns on its body to completely heal after all.

Back for revenge already, are you? Fine, but why couldn't you come and do it later?! Hannah internally screamed. The garage door is right there!!!

Approximately 100 meters ahead was Hannah's one and only goal in this level. No-clipping through it meant entering the positive levels where it was far more... hospitable.

But with no path forward, all she could do was retreat.

Unfortunately for Hannah, the closest safe door was also pretty far—40 doors back if she remembers correctly.

And despite the distance between them, the Hounds were fast as fuck.

I hate all of youuuuu!

With a heavy heart, Hannah sprinted towards the safe door. She was running at an impressive pace for someone carrying loads of luggage on her back.

The Hounds finally noticed her, and they began to give chase.

Halfway to the safe door, Hannah peeked behind her.

You're kidding!

A Hound had caught up, practically within biting range. It opened its mouth full of razor-sharp teeth.

Hannah immediately threw a fistful of firesalt behind her. This was no time to be stingy; she used all that she had.

An explosion of light and sound threatened to disorient her sense of balance, but Hannah managed to keep herself from falling. It helped that she can cover her ears. She leaned on the wall to catch her breath.

The same couldn't be said for the Hounds.

Once Hannah saw them squirming on the ground, a smile appeared on her face.

See you hopefully never, suckers!

It would take them some time to recover. By then, Hannah would be gone.

Turning around, she continued sprinting away. At least, she tried.

On her second step, excruciating pain shot up her foot. The sudden sensation caught her off guard.

Hannah collapsed. She hit her head. Hard.

What? What happened? Why did I fall?

Confused, Hannah checked her foot.

Hannah wore durable boots. Normal shoes broke too quickly because travelled frequently, so she was lucky to find them.

But she could see her foot. It was exposed, down to the bones.

Hannah screamed.

Blood gushed out of her gruesome wound as a burning pain assaulted her. She refused to take another look, as if to deny the reality before her.

Hannah realized that in her panic, she must have thrown the firesalt too close to home.

A tiny piece of firesalt wasn't dangerous by its own. Sure, it's enough to blow a hole through her boots, but the foot inside would've been fine.

However, a fistful was a different story.

"Fuck, move!" Hannah gritted her teeth and pulled herself forward. The safe door was still a good distance away. If she hadn't messed up as she did, she would've been in front of it by now, taunting the Hounds. "Move, damn it!"

She took off her backpack to remove the weight on her shoulders, yet it was no use. The hallway was long. There were still many doors to pass.

The door closest to her released static noise. The door opposite to it was locked. Escape now simply meant a different death awaited her.

Besides, Hannah never had that option in the first place.

The growls returned with a vengeance.

Angry. The Hounds, having recovered their senses, were undoubtedly angry, especially the one with burns on its body.

It set its blank eyes on the helpless human and lunged at her. The two others followed.

It's over.

Hannah lost all hope.

Then the world became distorted, warped beyond human comprehension.

*****

"Hwah! Holy shit!"

I woke up. It looks like I fell asleep at some point.

Does that mean... it was all just a nightmare?

I kicked off the blanket covering me. My foot...

Expecting the worst, seeing not even a blister greatly surprised me. I scrutinized each individual toe, even the ones on my other feet, and they were completely fine.

In my opinion, they were too fine. It's still better than not having a foot though.

...it was all just a nightmare?

It must be. No matter how realistic it may have been, realistically speaking, I should be dead by now if it was all real.

But it was so real. Like I really lived it. And there's also that entity that appeared in the end...

"Fuuuu~" I patted my chest.

It's a good thing none of that really happened. As crappy as that dream was, I'm super happy to be alive—

"Woah?!?!" I jumped to my feet. I blinked, but when that didn't work, I rubbed my eyes. What I was seeing still didn't change despite doing that.

"...Who are you?"

I asked the kid staring back at me.

Even though I called him a kid, he should be around 14-15 years old. Maybe less? I haven't seen teenagers in a while. They aren't exactly capable enough to survive no-clipping into this hellhole.

Still, I have seen a few in the past. They looked super ragged—everyone does anyway—and practically dead inside—pretty much like most people—so they looked more like adults.

But this kid looked like a normal teenager, enough to make me think that he is a teenager at first glance.

His messy dark purple hair went past his shoulders, as if he hadn't gotten a haircut in a year. His eyes were brown, almost reddish even, but they looked like they'd close any moment now, especially with the massive dark circles under them. I almost mistook him for a girl since his face looked quite effeminate, but his body proportions said otherwise.

Okay, maybe he doesn't really look like a normal teenager. I've never heard of anyone having purple hair before. But more than that, he wore clean clothes—pajamas—which was weird, but clean clothes nonetheless.

Did he just get no-clipped while he was asleep?

As soon as I thought that, the kid opened his mouth.

"☆◎○▽◇□※▽△"

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"◎◇※▽△," he said. Whatever language he was speaking, I couldn't understand it.

Wait... how did he get here?

Strange.

Very strange.

Level -1 is a level known for being a solitary experience. As far as I know, meeting another wanderer—another human while wandering this hotel hallway was practically impossible since each wanderer gets assigned their own, personal hallway.

So this kid can't be human. Only entities can come here, just like the Hound I blasted with firesalt before.

An entity that looks human...

Faceling. That entity comes to mind.

But faceling don't have faces. Or they have missing facial features.

I searched for my backpack. Under the kid's curious gaze, I pulled out a book.

Backrooms Survival For Dummies.

It's a book that I asked Mikey to write for me since I didn't listen to the teacher much. Everything Mikey learned from that wanderer school is written in it.

Facelings... Where's the part with facelings... here it is!

I flipped to page #.

Facelings are humanoid inhabitants of the Backrooms. They look like humans, apart from lacking facial features.

I checked the kid out. Nothing missing.

I continued reading.

But there are Facelings, called False Facelings, that possess all the facial features of a human. They show their true form of lacking any facial features when expressing negative emotions, or at will.

Okay. What else is there?

99.99% of Facelings are verbally impaired.

I checked the kid out again. Does speaking gibberish count as being verbally impaired? It doesn't sound like any language I've heard of before.

Anyway, this kid isn't so bad. I've met my fair share of chill Facelings in the past, and my fair share of murderous ones, but it should be safe to assume this kid is the first type. I'd be dead already if he wasn't.

"Nice to meet you, nice Faceling. I'll be on my way now, so if you'll excuse me..."

"Zu'u dreh ni mindoraan hi. Dreh hi mindoraan zey?"

"Ah, yeah, sure, whatever you say."

"Aalkos Zu'u fend mindos atruk med tinvok lu..."

The only thing I had to pack up was my blanket. I don't even remember taking it out to sleep with, but I must've.

Since there's a Faceling with me, I double-checked my supplies. This little devil might have nabbed something.

"Where are my firesalts at?" I was right on the money. Something was missing. "Hey, you. Give them back."

Upon being addressed, the kid tilted his head.

"Where are my firesalts? My little orange rocks? Don't tell me you used them. Actually, I would've woken up earlier if you did so you probably didn't. Where are you hiding them?"

"?"

"I'm not getting through to you, am I?"

"???"

Words weren't working. Let's see...

Right, "Actions speak louder than words." Let's see if this works.

I basically played charades with the kid. Pissing off a Faceling by suddenly searching his body was never a good idea. These guys are vicious, even the children, so dealing with a teenage Faceling is more trouble than it's worth.

Under my odd directions, the kid revealed his empty pockets. He could've been hiding it somewhere else though, like in his trousers. But I'm not a pedo, so I won't go there.

For some reason, I remembered my dream. I did use all of my firesalts there... but it's just a dream.

I mean, apart from blowing up my foot, I blew up one of my boots too, but guess what I found perfectly intact right beside my backpack? It would've been nothing short of magic to repair it. At least the kid didn't steal them too. It would've been really crappy walking barefoot.

"Ugh, fine. I'll let this one pass. See ya then."

There wasn't much point saying goodbye to someone that can't understand you, but he was too human-like to simply ignore.

After waving the kid goodbye, I began doing like I always do.

I go up to a door, I listen to it, I mark it (or not), and move on.

I go up to a door, I listen to it, I mark it (or not), and move on.

I go up to a door, I listen to it, I mark it (or not), and move on.

I go up to a door...

"Why are you following me?" I said.

The kid didn't answer.

He wasn't trying to be sneaky about it. He would literally take a step forward every time I took a step forward, even when I was staring right at him.

Ignoring him, I continued my routine.

I go up to a door...

I felt a tap on my back. When I turned around, the kid was making an X with his arms.

"Okay...?"

I ignored the odd behavior. Gotta concentrate for my inspection...

After marking the door with an X, I went to the next door.

I go up to—

More taps on my back. Now what? The kid was pointing to another door in the distance. Then he made an X sign with his arms again.

Okay, he's clearly telling me something.

I urged him to guide me since I wasn't sure which door he was pointing at.

To my surprise, once I inspected the door he wanted me to check out, the level it led to turned out to be safe. I immediately marked it with an X.

I'm not stupid. This kid is basically a Level Detector!

"Aren't you awfully nice. Now that I think about it, you're pretty smart too, huh. You understood what I was doing by just watching me." I tried patting his head. He swatted my hand away at the last moment. "Okay, duly noted. Now lead the way!"

Imagine my surprise when the next door he led me to was a garage door.

...

To return to Level 0 from Level -1, a wanderer must no-clip through a garage door.

The next question to ask in this scenario is: How the fuck does a person no-clip?

Unlucky people enter the Backrooms through no-clipping by complete chance. To no-clip on purpose is just pure insanity.

Just kidding. It's actually not that hard.

You just run up to the garage door fast enough to no-clip. It's that easy. There's a difference between no-clipping out of reality and no-clipping through Levels.

"This is goodbye for real, nice Faceling."

Once again, my hand was swatted away after trying to pat his head. I can't help it, he's been a good boy. It doesn't help that he's beautifully handsome.

The garage door replaced a normal door, so it was on the side. I'll have to run down the hallway before taking a sharp right straight through the door.

Okay, I can do this.

The kid watched me stretch for maximum performance.

And when I was ready, I ran like my life depended on it.

"See you around!"

I ran past the kid. I'll actually miss you, little buddy. You were like a good luck charm. If only I could take you with me...

Is it a coincidence that I found the garage door of my dreams after meeting the nice Faceling? I don't think so. But that's just me.

I kicked off the wall, sending myself tumbling towards the garage door. My arms covered my head for protection, just in case my no-clip attempt failed. However, the impact I imagined never came.

For a brief moment, my body seemed to phase through the garage door. Before I could confirm it, I was suddenly being dragged across every direction in the darkness.

...

"Out of all the things I thought of, I didn't expect her to phase through a garage door."

It was definitely not an illusion. I knocked on the garage door, and it was just as hard as I imagined. There really shouldn't be a way to just go through it like that. That woman basically said Fuck physics! and pulled off a Platform 9¾.

Of course, when I switched over to my other sight, the garage door disappeared.

A familiar yellowish level took its place.

Whats so good about that confusing place anyway?

Yellow wallpaper. Noisy lighting. A maze-like layout. A no-gate-zone. She went back to the area I first found myself in.

I really don't like that place. Ah, but it should be fine to walk around it now with my new power. I won't get lost, so I'll give it a second chance.

The air around me distorted and the darkness consumed my body.

I'ma stick with that weird woman for now.

----------

Author's Note: Bye bye.

What does the Fox say?

IAHSHDHDHSUSISHDVEVFJSKAKAUWWUIWEORIFHVSMSUDCYRVFOWUWGVFNXISHEVRNFFIH

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