12

"You're crazy! You don't need to be so loud!" I said, a little embarrassed because the people around us started to focus their attention on us.

"I don't care! I don't care if I have to be embarrassed because people will know how I feel for you!" said Dhani who was so stubborn.

I can already imagine how red my cheeks were at that time, I can't describe my feelings, there was a sense of joy, but also a lot of confusion.

"I want you to be my girlfriend! Will you be my boyfriend?" he said in a slightly pushy tone.

the people around us started screaming, they seemed to make me unable to resist the man who was now in front of me but my eyes were locked on someone sitting holding a guitar regardless of the noise in the room.

I remember, a few days ago my classmate told me that the guy holding the guitar secretly had feelings for me. It's something that intrigues me and keeps me looking at it for the past few days.

but I thought it was just a joke, maybe your classmate was just teasing me, and that's when I finally received love from someone Dani.

And for the first time I felt the name dating.

I never knew, dating means you will be restrained by your own lover, dating means you have to limit all your friendships, dating means you fulfill his shortcomings, and I'm starting to get annoyed with that.

In my family, girls are something to be looked after. and very well taken care of.

in my family, sunday night is not a night to play, it doesn't mean you can get out of the house freely. if people say it's restrained, it's probably me. I was never allowed to go out at night unless I had to go to church. even in the church, I will be attended by one of my father's younger brothers who lives in the same village with my grandmother.

"Why don't you go straight home! You never go out on a Sunday night together, we never meet on a Sunday night, Masaya I met him at school!" a Dani demanded of me.

"I already told you about this situation! So why are you now like this! You can't demand something that I can't give you!" I said no less angry.

"But I need time to be with you! I want to feel Sunday night with you! I need time for us to go out together," he said, which I think is too much.

"And, you have to understand what my family's situation is like, you should have told me your feelings before you would have understood better what our relationship would be like if you were going out with my stuff. Doesn't this one village already know what my family is like? You demand things that I can't do for you," I said trying to make the man understand.

"I understand! but don't you feel that it's not outrageous, I can't even come to your house, you know your family will kick me out. And even to meet you at school, you know what the sanctions are!" to me.

"Okay I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drag you into trouble like this. I'm sorry because I can't be like other girls who can walk with their girlfriends." I said feeling guilty. and finally his anger subsided.

It was the main thing that created problems in our relationship. Even so I always try to give in to the relationship, I love him but I hate the ego that is in him. but as they say, if something is broken in a relationship, it should be repaired, not replaced.

Another difficult thing that I find where I am now is, I can't find a place that really wants to accommodate my stories. I started to be an introvert, quiet, viewer, and also cool with my own world. I started to love books, I started to love libraries, and I started to love solitude.

And of course, I always pursue the goals I set in my life. I did not forget the promise to myself that I would write my name on one of the award cabinets at school.

"swimming?" I said when I heard Nita tell me that there would be a swimming competition in the district.

"Yes, because the school doesn't have swimming athletes, so Pak Khairul opens opportunities for children who have swimming talent. I know you told me that you like swimming and can swim, don't you want to try it?" Said Nita who clearly asked me.

"I can swim, but I'm not good at it!" I said trying to think twice about the race.

"What's the harm in trying if you come along, besides the children who come, none of them are swimming athletes, they only have the capital to swim, just swim in the river," he added.

I paused and then went back to thinking about it. there's nothing wrong if I take part in the competition, calculate that I can win and make my first name written on the award cabinet,

"Are you sure?" said Dani who slightly disagreed with what I wanted.

"What's the harm in trying, after all, there are no swimming athletes at school," I said.

"It's up to you, after all, I said nothing, didn't you listen," he said nonchalantly.

I'm really saddened by his attitude like that.

maybe it's the same as what they say, the PDKT period is more beautiful than when we were created, because during the pdkt they will do everything to get what they want.

now Dani has become more indifferent, he doesn't even have time to tell me. he knows our relationship will only last through the news from the cell phone. but he didn't do that. every time I demand that from him, he will demand back to be able to meet him outside at night. and if I did that, then I would just as well make my family sad. and I don't want to make that decision.

until finally I made the decision to participate in the swimming competition tournament.

achievement with him is different isn't it? when I need support from a lover, I don't find it from him.

Besides that I often hear the proverb, a woman who currently doesn't look beautiful in front of you may be one of the most beautiful women in front of others. Or maybe it's just me who feels that way.