Ch. 19 Disbelief

SAMANTHA:

"Phiona isn't like that."

It sounded like Rachel was trying to insinuate the possibility of a love potion or something. But like she said, that's not possible. And even if a love potion was possible, Samantha was sure Phiona wouldn't do something like that. Wasn't she?

"Phiona? Is that the name of his other mate?"

"Yes."

"You've been hanging out together?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"She's been helping me. She's helped me learn more about my wolf before the tutors get here."

Samantha felt like she had to defend Phiona and, for a moment, contemplated telling Rachel about Liam. But it was too personal, and Rachel kept the questions going. Not allowing Sam to say much.

"So you have been hanging out with her for a *whole* day, and are like best friends, but you said he hates her?"

The question was so pointed; It put a terrible light on Phiona's character. But Sam couldn't refute it. It was the one thing Sam had that proved Alester was her mate. And hate wasn't strong enough to describe how Alester felt about Phiona.

"I don't know what happened between them. And yea, it seems like he detests her. Like he wants to gag, even thinking about being mated to her. But his parents seem really excite-"

"Are you sure she's around you because she wants to help you? If he hates her, he might have good reasons to do so. She might play buddy with you to keep him away from you. Or you away from him."

Samantha hadn't thought of that, but she was good at reading people. Phiona didn't give off that kind of vibe. Maybe if Rachel had said that yesterday, or even that morning, she might have considered it. But now Sam was certain she understood Phiona's character. She was kind and genuine, and open. Maybe even more so with her.

"Phiona isn't like that. She might be rough around the edges and difficult to understand at first. But she's really sweet and kind and not like that."

"Or she's playing you."

"Rachel. I told you she's not like that!"

"You have known each other like one day. You don't know what she's like."

A growl built in Samantha's throat. How could Rachel doubt Samantha's ability to read people? It boiled Samantha's blood! Still, she held back her anger and answered pointedly.

"It only took you a day to know what I was like."

"... But that's different."

Samantha could no longer hold back the growl. It vibrated in her throat as she spoke. "How?"

Rachel sighed deeply into the phone.

"Ok, Sam. If you say she's not like that, then I'll drop it. You said she likes him and he hates her...I'm guessing they haven't marked each other?"

Rachel's surrender calmed Samantha, but her question puzzled her.

"Marked?"

"Is there a bite mark on her neck or upper shoulder?"

Samantha said each word carefully, weighing them in her mouth as she tried to recall if she ever looked at Phiona's neck. "I don't think so."

"Then I guess you have a decision to make."

Rachel paused for dramatic effect.

"First. You seem sure he is your mate. You also seem sure he is taken. So the first question is. Do you want a mate?"

"You've always told me that you never planned to be with anyone, not even as a one-night stand because you don't want the responsibility. Don't want to be tied down. You said you wanted to finish school and get a good job and take care of your parents. Do you think you can do that with your mate? Or has that changed?"

Samantha listened. She had nothing to say. These were good points. Fair points. She was so blinded by what was happening around her she hadn't sat down to think about the important things.

"You would be tied down to one person, just like you didn't want. You'd probably have kids right away, a responsibility you said you didn't want. If you choose to walk away now, this is a 'get out of jail' free card. If you leave them alone, Phiona will be happy with him and he will be happy with her, once they mark each other. You can come back home and have the life you want. And I'll help you navigate with your wolf."

Rachel's points were giving Sam some much-needed reflection. This was her chance to take charge of her own destiny. To be by herself, like she had always planned. She could be exactly who she wanted to be, do exactly as she had always planned to do.

"Unless all that has changed? If he is who you really want now. Then you'll have to fight for him. Even if it means hurting Phiona."

Did she want him so badly that she forgot her plans and goals? Yes. But did she want him enough to give up on them? Was she willing to hurt a good person? Was he worth it for all of that?

She wanted to say no. Say he wasn't worth it. Say that she could never give up her dream or hurt someone so badly. Say that she would leave and go home and make things right for her parents. But she couldn't. She no longer knew what she truly wanted.

Sam didn't want to give up her dream, she didn't want to hurt Phiona. But she wanted Alester. And a part of her would do anything to have him, and that scared her. She didn't know him, but she wanted to. More than anything, she wanted him to be hers.

Samantha laughed, tears stinging her eyes.

"I'm contemplating giving up everything for a man I've only had two conversations with. I don't know him. And even if I don't want to admit it, he has been actively ignoring me for at least a day. And I can't just seem to say 'No. He isn't worth it.' What's wrong with me?"

Tears ran down Samantha's cheeks, silently and uncontrollably.

"Nothing's wrong with you, Sam. That's the mate bond, and it.is. strong. And it will do everything it can to make sure you are together. But unlike others, you have a choice. You can accept it and it will be the most wonderful thing you have ever felt, maybe even the best decision you have ever made... but it can also bring the biggest heartbreak. If anything were to happen to him..."

Rachel's voice grew sorrowful, and the silence that filled the space afterwards was just as forlorn as Sam's tears.

"You could choose to ignore it or sever it, but it would be the hardest and most painful decision you would ever make. Nothing will ever come close to the pain of losing a mate. No matter how it's done. But If you choose to go through it now, at least you won't have to face what was and have it ripped from you, like me."

Samantha's voice was thick in her mouth, barely able to get the words out. "Rache? You had a mate? What happened?"

"... It's something I don't like to talk about... But I want you to know that if you leave him and are having a hard time bearing the weight, at least you'll know there is someone nearby who knows what you are going through. I don't recommend the pain, I don't recommend leaving him... but I also don't recommend having the bond and mating, only to have it taken away from you. Neither are comfortable. It's a hard decision to make and both feel just as horrible as the other."

"How do you know the pain is the same?"

"I- "

Samantha's heart broke hearing the crack in Rachel's voice. Just how much pain had Rachel gone through? Why had she never realized just how broken her friend truly was?

"Nevermind. Tell me when you are ready... But expect to answer me. Someday."

"Thanks, Sam."

Rachel's voice came out thick, just as Samantha's had a moment before. She was crying.

"You don't have to decide now... Think about it. But make a decision soon, before it gets made for you."

A knock came from the door and Samantha whipped her head around to face it.

"I have to go. Someone's at the door."