Kiritsuga's experiences

The overwhelming willful ignorance that Kiritsugu showed towards Saber was not just because the two of them had different faiths. If Kiritsugu did not harbor emotions such as extreme hatred or anger towards Saber, he could not act so indifferently towards her. In general, this time Kiritsugu went too far. No matter when their strategies differed, they were still comrades fighting for a common goal. Although they did not respect each other, they should not have humiliated each other.

Soon, Irisviel found Kiritsugu's figure. He was on the balcony, from where he could look at the front garden of the castle, stretched out on the railing and looked at the night forest. Luckily, Maya's figure was not near Kiritsugu.

"...Kiritsugu."

Irisviel said as she slowly approached Kiritsugu's back. She didn't think her voice would suddenly become stern. Kiritsugu must have felt this presence too; Kiritsugu didn't seem surprised at all and slowly turned around.

Irisviel was already ready. It was when Kiritsugu confronted Saber in the conference room that a look of such cruelty appeared in her eyes. Irisviel prepared to stand directly under Kiritsugu's cruel gaze. However, when she saw Kiritsugu's expression as he turned around, she couldn't help but feel helpless and stopped in her tracks.

The expression on Kiritsugu's face was like that of a hurt and helpless child fighting back tears. Kiritsugu looked like he was pinned against a wall. Kiritsugu, who was now standing in front of Irisviel, was so far from the figure of a powerful mage killer; he was simply a weak and cowardly man.

"Kiritsugu, you..."

Kiritsugu said nothing as he hugged the confused Irisviel tightly. His chest trembled. In Irisviel's eyes, her husband's shoulders had always been strong and powerful, others could lean on them, but now her husband was helpless, like a child hidden in the arms of a tender mother.

"If I -"

Irisviel felt her husband hug her tightly until it hurt. There, her husband's faint question rang out in her ear.

"If I now decided to give up everything and run away from here, Irie, would you come with me?"

Irisviel probably never would have thought that a person like Emiya Kiritsugu would ask such a question. She was so shocked that she could not speak for some time and only after a long pause asked:

"Ilya... this girl is still in the castle, what's wrong with her?"

"We will return to the castle and take her. We will kill everyone who stands in our way."

It was a short, twitching sound, but full of despair. Kiritsugu was clearly not joking; he was serious.

"After this, I will give everything I have to my family. I will protect Ilya and you with my life."

"..."

Now Irisviel finally understood the feelings contained within the man in front of her. Kiritsugu, her life partner, was facing the greatest battle of his life and was already on a path of no return.

He was no longer the Kiritsugu he had been nine years ago. He was no longer a cold and unfeeling dog, a killing machine who endlessly punished himself.

Kiritsugu has changed. He became very weak and even forced himself into such situations in order to realize his cruel ideal. The key that made Kiritsugu change was none other than Irisviel.

Wife and daughter. Both were not destined to go through Emiya Kiritsugu's life.

Initially, Kiritsugu had nothing to lose. He couldn't even feel pain. It was because Kiritsugu Emiya was the kind of person that he could be extraordinarily strong, he could follow the great ideal of saving the world, sacrificing everything for it without a second thought, and became a soldier whose ruthlessness knew no bounds.

The current Kiritsugu wanted to return to that past, to the person he used to be. But at the same time, as he recalled the past, an inconsolable dilemma arose deep in Kiritsugu's soul. These nine years completely changed Kiritsugu. Kiritsugu had already endured enormous pressure and pain just to maintain the appearance of cruelty and heartlessness that he had before.

Kiritsugu's ignorance towards Saber was precisely a manifestation of Kiritsugu's weakness. Now Kiritsugu was already tired, trying to preserve himself. He didn't have the strength to accept Saber, and he didn't have the extra energy to communicate with the King of Knights.

Irisviel's heart hurt terribly. The man she loved with all her heart was in pain, but she couldn't do anything. This is because the person who caused all of Kiritsugu's suffering is herself.

The only thing Irisviel can do now is to weakly sow doubts towards him.

"Can we escape? We..."

"We can. Now there's still a chance."

Kiritsugu responded immediately. But it was impossible to believe. Kiritsugu only said this to allow his heart to retain this illusory hope.

"- You're lying."

- Irisviel remarked to him softly and cruelly.

"This is impossible. Emiya Kiritsugu, you cannot escape.

Refusal of the Holy Grail, rejection of the ideal of saving the world; You definitely wouldn't forgive yourself. You will definitely be the final judge and pronounce the death penalty on yourself."

Kiritsugu finally began to cry. He understood this too. For a long time there was no alternative to it.

While talking with Kiritsugu, Irisviel remembered what she had discussed with Itsuki the day before. She couldn't trust him, but she couldn't completely distrust his words either.

"I'm so afraid..."

Kiritsugu cried and said everything that was in his heart, like a child.

Emiya Kiritsugu is not a hero, not a warrior, but a killer. He doesn't have the courage or pride that others have when their lives are on the line. He's a coward. Thus, his goal is to ensure his victory and the right to survive carefully and with the least risk. A hunter's worst nightmare is being hunted by another.

But even so, if it was Kiritsugu from nine years ago, he would have only raised an eyebrow and come up with a better solution. This was how terrifying Kiritsugu was when he had no one to lose. But now that he, Kiritsugu, afraid of losing those he loves, faces battle again, this fear becomes his fatal weakness.

"I won't let you fight alone."

Irisviel told him softly, stroking her husband's trembling back.

"I will protect you. Saber will protect you too. And... Maya will support you too."

Irisviel was forced to admit which woman Kiritsugu needed more right now.

Only one person can awaken the unwavering resilience sealed deep within Kiritsugu's heart and bring back the cruel and heartless personality that Kiritsugu possessed many years ago. But Irisviel never told Kiritsugu about this.

If there was anything else Irisviel could do, it would be to hug Kiritsugu and allow him to gain temporary comfort. In any case, Irisviel silently prayed in her heart.

It wouldn't matter if her prayers didn't work. She prayed that the time she would be able to hug Kiritsugu would be extended, even if it was only a minute or a second. Then she would be able to heal Kiritsugu's pain as much as she could using her limited powers.

"Actually, I need to talk to you about something."

So, Irisviel talked to Kiritsugu about Itsuki talking to her last night when he and Saber were fighting. This conversation that could not leave her mind: the possibility that the Holy Grail was corrupted, the feeling that she herself felt deep inside, and... the proposal that Itsuki made her.

"Can he save you from the destruction of the Grail?"

Kiritsugu pulled away from Irisviel's embrace, allowing her to sigh for a moment. His eyes expressed the disbelief he felt, as well as doubt and uncertainty. In truth, he didn't even seem to know whether the news was good or bad for him. On the one hand, there was an opportunity to save his wife from the cruel fate that had fallen on her shoulders. On the other hand, we can say that he fought and prepared for the farce for more than 9 years.

Without saying that Itsuki's words were a lie, Irisviel told Kiritsugu that they significantly changed the possible actions they would take in the future. For now, he has confirmed that he will not actively attack Itsuki. Kiritsugu already knew that the mysterious man would not attack him, as it seemed that he treasured Irisviel and Saber for some reason.

Irisviel did not know that the decision to talk to Kiritsugu on this matter would be the decisive impetus for the development of this Holy Grail War.