webnovel

Fate/Fisted

'If violence isn't solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.' Shitty day at work cause your boss wants you to do overtime? Punch him. Kids giving you problems? Punch 'em. Supernatural entities trying to fuck with you? Punch 'em. Demon Gods trying to destroy to humanity? Punch the ever-living shit out of 'em. Nicholas Martel is the sort of man who can and will solve any and all problems by beating the shit out of them. Young masters and even tsunderes beware, his hands are rated e for absolutely everyone. - Obligatory; All rights go their respective owners, I own nothing except my OCs. And, don't translate or 'share' my stuff, much obliged.

Bleap · Tranh châm biếm
Không đủ số lượng người đọc
90 Chs

The Darker Side

"Senpai, wake up! Senpai!"

Nicholas, who'd dozed off leaning against an empty barrel of rum sitting near the railings, groggily sat up, rubbing his eyes as he sleepily looked around, "Wha...What?"

His stomach rumbled as he pushed himself up with a hand, stretching his jaw with the other before staring over at the railing, "Hmmm... Correct me if I'm wrong but... we don't go toilets on here do we?"

"No... I don't think so?" Mash replied with her head slightly tilted, but then shook it quickly and smiled, "Anyway! Senpai! Look over the railings!"

Curious, the Chaldean Master looked over them and was met with the sight of a trio of dolphins jumping and playing as they swam through the sea right beside them. One of the creatures even stopped momentarily, jumping into the air and possibly trying to make eye contact but failing due to the sheer size of the Queen Anne's Revenge.

It was a beautiful sight that would bring a smile to anyone's face, evident by how even Cu smiled at them.

But!

One! Nicholas was hungry as hell and you weren't you when you were hungry.

Two! He'd just woken up, and you weren't you when you'd just woken up.

...

"That thing's eyeballing me." Nicholas concluded with narrowed eyes.

"Senpai... I don't think that's eve-..."

She was cut off by the same dolphin clicking and whistling as it spewed water at them.

"I'm on to you, you little shits." Nicholas spit right back at it, leaning over the railing, "I know about the caves."

Before he could leap into the sea, fuelled by his righteous vendetta, Anne called them from the deck, "Oiii! You guys! Come here a bit!"

Forgetting the fish immediately, Nicholas turned her way, "You got food for me?"

Man... He should've brought along Martha or Emiya instead of Cu but eh, the latter didn't seem all too interested in coming, he hadn't even rayshifted in with them and Martha well... To be honest, if she was here, she'd have woken him up AFTER putting something together.

Hm, he'd have to find her quick.

But at the same time, he didn't feel he needed to be in THAT much of a hurry. 

They were in an era of pirates, on the largest pirate ship ever to set sail, belonging to the most legendary pirate known, so was it really that bad that he wanted to have a bit of fun?

Anyway, he digressed.

Anne looked at him strangely before throwing down the crate she'd been carrying, "Well no, but I think I have the solution~!" The tall pirate scratched the back of her head with a guilty smile, "We're servants so um, we don't really need food and our Captain wasn't interested in anything but Rum on the last raid."

She gestured to the grinning pirate on the helm steering the ship, "But this is fishing equipment. I think you can catch something that'll be enough for you?"

Nicholas pursed his lips, considering her suggestion before nodding, "Sure, my dad tried teaching me once."

"Very well!" Anne clapped her hands together and disappeared, only to reappear seconds later with her hands on the shoulders of an unamused Mary, "This one can help you."

The shorter pirate looked at him with an expression that mirrored his own before giving a small nod, "Fine."

"Aight, but why do we need an ironing board for fishing? Mash, see if they got a spear or something."

"Understood, senpai!"

-

Marie Antoinette was a Monarch, born to lead and stand out.

Beautiful, Elegant, Composed, Endearing and currently running through a forest wailing as she tried to keep her hat from falling off, "Stoooop! Why does this keep happening to me?! Why can't we all be friends?!"

"Damn right, lady! Run or we're both getting turned into wyvern chow!" Her new companion spurred her on from on top of her head.

He was a cute bear plushie she'd found on her random wal- er... scouting mission... one that talked like an old lecher. He'd been asking her if she was 'alone?' when some green scaled wyverns set on them both and they had to make their escape.

"I don't taste that good!" Marie tried to reason with the feral creatures, "There's not much meat on me either!"

"RAHHHHH!!"

Her pleas were answered with bites and roars.

Just when Marie thought they were about to get her however, all of them abruptly went silent and froze in their spots.

"Oi girlie, they've stopped."

"Wha?" Marie looked over, visibly confused, and noticed that they had indeed stopped. The Wyverns had lowered their heads and closed their eyes in submission, furling their wings and not daring to move an inch.

"So this shit still works huh? Who am I kidding? Of course it does."

The French Monarch would never forget that voice.

How could she forget such a cute thing?

"Jalter! So you came to save me!" Marie rushed at her fellow servant, hugging her waist with tears in her eyes, "They were being so mean! Thank you!"

The fully armoured Dragon Witch looked down at her in confusion before nodding hesitantly, "What? Uh, sure... I guess? The other me's here too."

"Woohoohoo, those are some big kno-"

Marie didn't defend her new friend when Jalter grabbed him by the face and smashed him into the ground... she just looked away, "Everyone has different reactions to your compliments?"

He'd never grow if nobody taught him that being a lecher was bad.

The Dragon Witch glared and held out her flaming sword, "You don't get to say that kind of shit to me."

"Yes Ma'am. I'm sorry ma'am. I regret my actions." The bear complied instantly, wiping some sweat off his brow.

"Good." Jalter withdrew her blade, "Now who are you? And where are we?"

"I don't know ma'am. I just appeared here with my partner! Honest!" The bear explained quickly, "The name's Orion. All I know is this place is infested with dragons."

Jalter pursed her lips before tossing him aside, "So you're useless then." She looked over to Marie with unamused golden eyes, "We came here cause some idiot bandit fucks told me about an island with dragons on it."

"And you're here to..." Marie could put two and two together, she wasn't dumb...

Not THAT dumb.

Jalter could control dragons, and judging from the fact that scores of wyverns had started circling overhead like an absurdly large murder of crows.

Marie could tell why the Dragon Witch was here.

This singularity was, after all, a chance to prove how they were individually crucial to Chaldea.

-

"...What the hell is that boy doing?" Cu spoke out in alarm, putting both hands on his staff, "How fuckin' deep did he go?"

As servants, the fellows they were travelling with didn't really need sustenance and so, one of them gave Nicholas the tools needed to fish for something... That part he got, it wasn't even worth raising a brow, totally normal.

It was also totally normal and within his expectations that Nicholas decided to spear fish.

What wasn't within expectations was him disappearing for half a fucking hour and somehow causing a goddamn tsunami! How the hell did that even work?!

Now there was something massive right under them, and from the size of the black spot rapidly approaching the surface of the water... Said something was REALLY fucking massive!

Larger than their whole ship by a wide margin.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he didn't have to wait all that long for the answer.

Nicholas leapt out of the water, wearing nothing but his brown shorts, and into the sky, along with a literal tentacle monster.

"We're eating takoyaki."

"Did he catch Cthulhu or something?" Anne commented with a whistle, laughing as she covered her eyes from the Sun and scrutinised the creature.

Mary, who'd come up some time earlier, huffed and answered the question, "Squid. Attacked me... He attacked it."

"Hahahaha! Nice! About what I'd expect from someone in my crew!" 

Well... at least Blackbeard looked happy.

The Captain ripped off his coat and jumped onto the railings, "But I won't be outdone by a boy!"

"...What happened to finding the Goddess?"

Ignoring the genuine inquiry, Blackbeard dove into the sea.

"Mary, gimme your sword real quick!" 

The stoic pirate didn't hesitate for a second and tossed her 'sword' at the man with a small nod.

Wait, 'Cleaver' would be a better word.

Fortunately, a cleaver was just what they needed.

Grabbing it midair, Nicholas spun and lopped off one of it's tentacles before kicking at it's main body, blowing the 'dead' creature into the distance.

Nicholas then gracefully landed on the deck, holding an absurdly long and girthy tentacle in his arms.

"Now, who here can fry octopus?"

"That wasn't a goddamn octopus!"

"I can try." Lancer held up his hand with a sigh, resting his spear on his shoulder, "We had to improvise during wars so... I reckon I can throw something together... if you want?"

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.