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Fate/Fisted

'If violence isn't solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.' Shitty day at work cause your boss wants you to do overtime? Punch him. Kids giving you problems? Punch 'em. Supernatural entities trying to fuck with you? Punch 'em. Demon Gods trying to destroy to humanity? Punch the ever-living shit out of 'em. Nicholas Martel is the sort of man who can and will solve any and all problems by beating the shit out of them. Young masters and even tsunderes beware, his hands are rated e for absolutely everyone. - Obligatory; All rights go their respective owners, I own nothing except my OCs. And, don't translate or 'share' my stuff, much obliged.

Bleap · Tranh châm biếm
Không đủ số lượng người đọc
90 Chs

Put Em Up, Fool

Olga Marie Animusphere looked at the three servants, one demi servant and two masters huddled together some distance away from her and then down at her own hands, empty hands, "Me and my mouth..."

"Ooh, I got a four in blue."

"I WILL END YOUR BLOODLINE!!!"

"Haha, fuck y'all. Take a plus four and I'm switching it back to yellow."

"Gah!! Damn you!"

Olga regretted shouting at them earlier now that she'd been left out and they were playing... Which was kinda strange cause half of them were heroes of legend that had spent most of their life fighting for their lives... Wait, it kinda made sense now.

The Director of Chaldea sighed to herself.

Not too long ago, after the enemy Saber they believed was the source of the singularity had been neutralised and gave them a holy grail, Nicholas pulled out a deck of cards from one of his questionably sized pockets to play... to pass the time until Romani could lock onto their location and rayshift them back.

Seeing him suggest a game of UNO when they were in a situation that she couldn't make heads or tails of may or may not have upset her and she MAY or may not have shouted him.

The result was her sitting alone in a corner as her subordinates played amongst themselves.

"Gah! Fuck this! This game's rigged!" Cu Chulainn complained pointlessly, throwing his hands up in surrender, "Who coulda known? If you'd told me people two thousands years in the future'd be playing around with pieces of paper, I'd have asked for a bottle of whatever the fuck you'd drunk."

"Mash, tell him about NFTs." Gudako nudged her contracted demi servant with her elbow, smiling cheekily as she tried to sneak a peek at the lavender haired girl's hand.

Mordred poked Nicholas' shoulder innocently, "Hey, hey Master. I beat King Arthur in a one on one."

"Yes yes, you're very awesome." The self-proclaimed grunt answered flatly, glaring at Martha who'd closed her eyes and hidden her cards in her robes, "It's not like she held back."

"Hehehe, that's right! I'm awesome."

Holding up his hand to silence her, Nicholas narrowed his eyes, "I've got two left... let me win for once."

"Mhm, naive! How very naive my Master!" As if she was about to do one of the greatest things she'd ever done, Martha practically ripped a card out of her own grip and slammed it down on the rocky ground hard enough to crack it, kicking up dust that momentarily blinded everyone, "Let this be a lesson!"

When the dust cleared, Nicholas looked like he'd been sucker punched.

It was a plus four card.

"Blue."

The pale haired teenager begrudgingly drew four more cards from the stack lying to the side.

"Oh hey..." It was this moment that fate decided he'd soared too high and decided to dropkick him in the face, "Is this any good?"

Cu put down an uno reverse.

"No..." Nicholas had nothing on his deck even remotely related to blue and drew another card with eyes closed in frustration..

"Pft-"

The teenager's head shot towards Martha, "No, don't you dare!"

"Hahahaha..." Martha let out a laugh not fit for a saint as she slowly, so slowly, produced a card from her robes and put it down with her hand over it and as sweat rolled down Nicholas' forehead, she SLOWLY pulled her hand back.

"HAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Damn you! Damn anyone you care about!"

It was another plus four.

The Saint cackled madly and Gudako joined in, unknowingly drawing the wrath of a certain someone.

"Red."

"Oh I-I got one of those." Cu put down a red card, trying his best to restrain himself...

"I have one too..."

Mash patted Nicholas' head, "There there, senpai. You will win too... one day... maybe... I hope?"

"Oi lass, I think that's just sprinklin' salt in an open wound."

-

Their 'game' was interrupted by Olga walking over to them and tapping Nicholas in the head, "Hey, is it just me or is someone standing over there?" She pointed to the raised rock formation Saber had originally been standing on.

"Damn, I didn't notice shit." Mordred was the first to comment, "What we doin' Master?"

Nicholas squinted his eyes, "...Is that who I think it is?"

Instantly, all the amusement vanished from Martha's face and she shot to her feet, gripping her staff with both hands, "It's you." The Saint worriedly glanced at her Master, "Master, I'm not going to stop you… I'm not going to judge you for whatever you do either. Beat his ass."

It was a certain man dressed in all green, with dark hair and a fashion sense that belonged in a circus.

A man the newer servants failed to recognise but put all those who worked at Chaldea on guard.

"Lev! So you were brought here too?"

"Come now, Olga. I don't think even you are that lacking up here." Lev Lainur Flauros tapped the side of his head, one hand behind his back and grinned, "Greetings! Members of Chaldea! You few insufferable fools who would resist inevitability!" He grinned further, revealing rows of sharp teeth, and placed a hand over his chest, "You who are foolish enough to think you can even hinder our King's great feat!"

Strangely enough, Nicholas didn't even respond... He didn't even throw one of his usual smartass comments about the man's fashion sense.

His face remained completely unexpressive.

"Wow... It's Lev, who could've seen this coming?!" Fortunately, Martha was there to fill in the part.

Mash only scratched her cheek with pursed lips, "This is disappointing but... Nicholas senpai broke down his behaviour well enough."

As in, he put posters of Lev with the nazi symbol and a small moustache like a certain warmonger all over Chaldea... repeatedly until his activities were shut down by Olga.

After that he started distributing fliers labelled, "Lev is a shithead, here's why."

Of course most people just wrote them off as one of his antics and tossed them aside but there were those like Mash who paid attention... She definitely didn't read it because it could finally give her a topic of conversation to approach him with.

"What is it, boy? Where is all that flare from before?" Lev stared down at Nicholas, hands behind his back, "Let me guess, you believe it is your fault so many died."

"Master, what the fu-"

"Well let me tell you..." The 'technician' drawled purposely, "It is precisely so! I'd just intended to place a bomb in the central command room and be done with it for what is a snake without a head? But no! You annoyed me so much I decided we would benefit from removing Chaldea altogether!"

"That ain't how it works."

"Denial? Hahahaha!!" Lev Lainur Flauros laughed maliciously, "Heed me, fools! I am Flauros! One of the 72 Demon Gods ordained for our King's glorious purpose! Struggle as you will, humanity is gone! Rejoice! It gave it's meaningless existence purpose!"

Seeing Nicholas still silent, the 'Demon God' tilted his head and rubbed his chin, visibly amused, "Perhaps you did not care for them as much as I had surmised... Very well then. I will do you one better!" He pointed at Olga, "That woman is also dead! And it's all your fault! This temporary vessel of hers shall disappear and she will disperse into thin air... I-I don't even need to do anything!"

The Demon God's laugh echoed throughout the cavern, "So much for all the effort you put in protecting her."

"Nicholas..." Olga whispered, unable to completely grasp the sudden change in situation.

"Oi lad, he's bullshitting... If he ain't, I can manage something." Cu put a hand on Nicholas' shoulder, visibly worried for his 'bro'.

But, there was a truth none could recognise.

So long as Nicholas was around, no one else was allowed to be 'him'.

"Put em up, fool." The teenager's hands curled up into fists as he walked.

"You bru-" The Demon God was cut off by Nicholas appearing right next to him faster than he had any right to and punching at his shoulder, blowing right through it without resistance. He then kicked Lev in the gut, launching the man back into the cavern wall with a massive boom.

"Hahahahaha! Savage knave, we are immor-" Lev looked down at the arm Nicholas had ripped off as the teenager walked over in befuddlement that didn't match his earlier confidence,

"It is not regenerating?"

"That was for Bill, you bitch."

"No matter, so long as our King lives... We will always return. No, I thank you for being stupid enough to reveal such a card!"

Wasting no time with causing pain or suffering, Nicholas punched through the man's chest and pulled his fist back, unleashing his strongest hook on Lev's head.

The end result was the head disappearing like it had never been there in the first place.

The headless body limped back before falling over.

Nicholas let out a small sigh, "Hope that's enough."

He'd beaten the shit out of the man who had harmed his friends, killed others but for some reason, he felt like that wasn't the end.

Weren't there 72 of these cunts left?

Shaking his head, the teenager turned around to look at the stumped Chaldeans with a small smile, "Anyone wanna bet we're gonna beat these guys and something's gonna drop in from space?"

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Don't worry, there is a way to save Olga (temporarily) and Cu's got it.

The more invested gentlemen probably know how that works already.

For those that don't give a shit, you rock.

For those who wanna know, I got one word.

... Odin.

-

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