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Fate/Fisted

'If violence isn't solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.' Shitty day at work cause your boss wants you to do overtime? Punch him. Kids giving you problems? Punch 'em. Supernatural entities trying to fuck with you? Punch 'em. Demon Gods trying to destroy to humanity? Punch the ever-living shit out of 'em. Nicholas Martel is the sort of man who can and will solve any and all problems by beating the shit out of them. Young masters and even tsunderes beware, his hands are rated e for absolutely everyone. - Obligatory; All rights go their respective owners, I own nothing except my OCs. And, don't translate or 'share' my stuff, much obliged.

Bleap · Tranh châm biếm
Không đủ số lượng người đọc
90 Chs

Boom

Emiya picked up a bottle of scotch, running his hand over the smooth glass before pulling out the cork with a smooth 'pop'... He poured it into a small glass he'd prepared beforehand with grace and skill, ensuring that not a single drop was wasted or spilled.

"Hm."

The whiskey sizzled over the ice cubes in the glass as Emiya allowed a faint, satisfied smile to tug at his lips.

Septem had been something of a wild ride but the Counter Guardian was mostly certain now.

If someone was there to guide their resident loose cannon on the proper path, he would no doubt be able to take down humanity's enemies.

Goetia and his Seventy Demon Gods, along with whatever else came to slap them across the face next.

The young man knew when to mess around, and when to not... even if his actions suggested otherwise at times.

The Counter Guardian sighed to himself, running a gaze over the 'game' room he was in. There were a lot of amenities here, even ones that enticed a servant like him.

This was, truth be told... A welcome respite to being humanity's hunting dog.

Or at least that's what he thought.

"Yo what up?"

Right up until a very familiar mop of blue hair tied in a ponytail came sauntering in, wearing sky blue robes and a torn cloak over his shoulders. The man stopped walking, his red eyes studying Emiya before...

"Geh... The hell are you doing here?"

Emiya sighed again, "I'd say the same if I didn't know dogs would eventually find Masters."

"Ironic coming from you, ya daft bastard." The Hound of Ulster chuckled, "Now all we're missing is that damned fox and we'll be a dandy set of misfits once again."

Emiya's eyes widened slightly as the man took a seat, "Huh... you remember?"

"Oh yeah, totally. It'd be a damn shame and then some if I didn't. A disgrace to my people." Cu stole his glass of Scotch and downed it in one go, leaving Emiya to seethe in silence, "Dunno if it's cause of what happened at Fuyuki or one of those, 'too deep an effect' deals."

The Irishman raised his head from the counter and gestured to a bottle, "Gimme the whole bottle, this stuff's pretty good."

"I would but..." Emiya smirked, not moving from his spot, "We don't serve animals at this fine establishment."

"Fuck you too." Cu groaned and wrote a rune on the air, pulling a bottle from the shelf behind Emiya... except, Emiya just held up one of his fingers and the glass shattered against his dark skin, splashing the whiskey all over Cu.

"Look at that... a drenched dog... At least you'll take a bath now?"

Cu growled, visibly irked, "What crawled up yer behind?"

"I thought I'd take a page out of our Master's book. Gotta say, so far it's pretty enjoyable."

"Up yours." Cu ignored his drenched robes and pulled on another bottle.

Emiya didn't get why the Hound of Ulster was being so amiable today... well, relatively amiable. Even if he was summoned in the Caster class, the guy was being too uh... He wanted to say tame?

Then, like a revelation from God himself, the answer came shooting through the door.

"Hehehehehe... Fun! Fun!!"

Cu hurriedly jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding a pink ball that crashed under the counter.

"This chick is damn crazy..." Nicholas walked into the room yawning, groggily looking around until he spotted the two at the bar, "I didn't think you two would find each other so quick."

"We're bound by fate it se-" Cu stopped short, realising the nature of the words that had just left his mouth.

But alas, it was too late.

Nicholas jerked, sleepy eyes shooting wide open, "You two were like... that? Uh, c-congratulations?"

Facepalming, Emiya let out a groan, "It's nothing like that. This damned mutt has no idea how to talk."

"C...Cool. You can keep it a secret if you want."

"Why you backing away then, lad?" Cu inquired with amused eyes, watching Nicholas take slow steps backwards, "Scared?"

Shaking his head in denial, the Chaldean Master halted his steps, "I just wanted to give you guys time by yourselves."

Emiya groaned again.

Mostly because he could never actually tell if Nicholas was serious about what he was saying or fucking around... both being things he did in equal measure.

Tamamo Cat straightened herself, sitting up right like a cat and licking the back of her hand, "Master, going round round is very fun but we must observe caution in having fun."

"What the fuck is wrong with this chick? Why does she switch modes like she's bipolar? Did the kick do it?"

"You kicked her?"

"She bum rushed me outta nowhere. It was involuntary, involuntary."

"With the type of people we have, you'd think this is an asylum instead of an organisation meant to safeguard humanity's existence."

-

"Young Mash, we've taken into consideration the proposal you put forth."

Romani stared at the nodding demiservant with a reassuring smile, leaning into his table with his hands locked together, "Comparing the results of the last two singularities, the Director believes it does have merit."

Nodding, Mash tucked a bang of her lavender hair behind her ear, "You can congratulate senpai for it. It was his idea."

"Hm, very well." Romani nodded with closed eyes, "And um... I'm sorry we can't do more to support all of you."

The good doctor didn't feel too worried about the servants. 

They were the stuff of legend, with prowesses far exceeding what was humanly possible. He didn't feel the need to worry for people who lived their lives in war and turmoil and shone in those time periods.

What he was concerned about was the children, at least compared to the rest of the staff, who had to bear the burden of such a demanding task.

With much of said staff gone, it was even harder on them because there was no one to devise strategy or tactics, to properly inform them about what they were headed into, or craft new mystic codes for the situations they encountered.

Leonardo Da Vinci, who was regarded as the omnipotent genius, could only do so much at a time.

"It's alright, doctor. I think they actually enjoy it."

"That's...concerning. Call Nicholas over, I need to talk to him about the next singularity."

-

"Master, we must talk."

Nicholas, who'd been lying in the cafeteria with his head down on a table, looked up with curious but sleepy eyes, "Hey Leonidas, sup."

Today was... He'd been pretty lethargic today, felt like a drone actually.

He just woke up, took a bath, ate some food, kicked Tamamo Cat, and dozed off in the cafeteria while Mordred sat next to him, playing games on her phone while eating chips...

He hadn't had any intrusive thought to try out, and thanks to phones and the internet, his servants got into fewer fights than usual so no entertainment there either.

Maybe Leonidas had a good idea?

"I notice you lack skill in combat."

Boom.

"Your movement is erratic."

Boom.

"Your attacks are easily telegraphed."

Boom.

"You are not a good fighter."

Boom.

"You strength is overwhelming, I admit..."

Boom?

"But if you encounter an enemy that can turn that against you with skill, you will no doubt look like a fool."

Boom.

Nicholas looked up at the legendary King of Sparta with surprised eyes, "W-What do you mean by that man?"

"You fight like a hoodlum."

Boom.

"It's true, Master. It doesn't really matter all that much cause like... you can just cause an earthquake, but you just punch stuff."

Even his kid betrayed him!

Nicholas' heart was not ready for this today.

"But be not discouraged! I shall train you, as an honorary spartan! In the art of warfare! You will go from being a skill less maggot to one of the finest warriors on the planet!" Leonidas stomped his foot down and shouted in his face, making Nicholas flinch.

Was this motherfucker a drill instructor?

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

...CHECK OUT Fate/Inspired...I have a problem.

-

You can find 10 chapters ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap