28

Chapter 28Notes:

Author's Note: How the Arc ends with Nekomata, and the reactions within, are intentional and important when it comes to future events and the headspace of our characters going into said events.

Don't @ me, damn you!

Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter Text

I could only call the water…refreshing on a night like tonight. Energizing. It was exhilarating, maybe, as the boys and I dragged our sodden carcasses out of the lake.

We were young. Full of life and low on life experience. The very essence of stupid mistakes, the future yet untapped.

It was lovely, I thought, as I tried not to laugh myself sick and break my cover before we even got where we needed to go.

Picturesque, worthy of a woodcut, even as I draped the still sputtering, coughing boys over my shoulders and made all haste to the gate… Whatever was fastest. That was the plan. That was what we had agreed on.

Waiting for them to clear their throats, to get their acts together, would have taken too much time. Allowing the water to dry, even a little, would have exposed the act for what it was.

A fraud. A sham. A deception that any guard worth the name would have been able to uncover with the barest of observations.

No cat with a brain would allow themselves to dry naturally if they could help it. They would be utterly miserable the entire time, and if any species desired instant gratification, it was them.

And they wouldn't be at their best either, which was the point of my actions so far. Authenticity: the boys were still confused—kicking and waving their arms around instead of allowing me to bring them to warmth and safety without a fuss.

That was perfect.

Encroaching hypothermia. How awful. How dangerous for a younger feline and worthy of immediate treatment somewhere warm and dry lest we all meet the Shinigami before our time… But first, I had a question that needed answering. Or an observation that required explaining, more like.

"Did you notice I'm constantly carrying you two? Or picking you up?" I noted aloud as I continued to jog, soggy sandals slapping wetly on the road as we jingled along, zippers and not entirely tied down kunai adding a musical accompaniment as I started panting, minute shivers running through me as I got into character. "What's - with that?"

"Huh?" Naruto smartly answered.

Sasuke grumbled.

"I'm not currently punching either of you in the - soft parts, so I suppose that might have muddled the association, but it's true." I coughed. "We do this a lot. Or something like it.." I shifted both boys with an easy shrug, jostling them as my braid began to unwind. "Just something I-" I coughed again, and this time the boys got the hint to do the same, "noticed."

One of many things. Such as how they were as light as feather pillows... To me. To be clear. I'm sure that most people would have found them rather unwieldy.

…And hard to swing at things.

I giggled breathily, still in character, as we reached the bridge; the soft plodding of wet dirt under my feet became the heavy thumping of wood; the cats at the other end, leaning on their spears and standing on two feet, straightened up. They yawned and adjusted their helmets, about as interested in us as any human guard would have been...not interested at all, other than the wondering gaze of someone wondering if we would be easy to extort.

…They made me wonder whether having cats as pets when they could wear armor and indulge in corrupt policing practices was ethically sound.

"Stop right there, nyan!" Ignorant of my inner turmoil, the guards closed ranks as a grey one; the assumed leader, who barely reached my waist, held up a paw. "State your business, nyan!"

Adorable.

"W-we fell in the lake, s-s-sir." I was reasonably proud that I didn't coo as he tried to look intimidating while also trying not to be obvious about how he didn't want us near him. "M-my brothers and I-"

"Brothers, nya?" The guard interrupted. That he was physically unable to raise his brow didn't stop him from giving off the impression that he was as he looked us over with a critical eye. "You don't look anything alike, nyan."

Interesting.

And, now, I had to wonder what we looked like to him. To us, we looked like ourselves. To the guard…cats.

…Nevermind. I could think about that at a later time.

I'd been asked a question. Response. What was a good response?

…Ah.

Of course.

Sorry, Mom.

"Ah. Well, you see…" I forced myself to blush and bashfully look away as the boys continued to fidget. "Our mom was, hm…popular, nyan…"

The snickering among the guards began immediately.

A litter of cats could have more than one father.

…I was starting to find it difficult to tell the difference between these cats and anyone else…the conclusion I came to was disappointing.

Having cats as pets wasn't ethical then…maybe?

Was it immoral? Or was it just a case of having a roommate who didn't pay rent and sometimes relieved themselves in your shoes?

"Can we come in now, please?" I politely interjected, noticing that the boys and their acting had been getting more and more mechanical and covering for it before I sank into a fugue. "My brothers and I are f-f-freezing, nyan."

"Hmmm… Perhaps, nyan." The guard, eyes narrowing as he looked at me, began to stroke his chin in thought. "But, first, ya gotta pay a toll, nyan."

And here I was, without my bottle of nip. Or anything else a cat would find of value that wouldn't be used later.

More fool I.

I, internally sighing, called on my chakra and gripped the collars of my now very still teammates. "A toll? Right now? While my brothers and I risk illness and death?" I paused as my chakra sank into every water droplet on us, my hair winding up tight as I stopped shivering. "Are you sure?"

Let me hear this.

The cat frowned (how did he do that?), his underlings realizing something was off when he adjusted his grip on his spear and took a stance. "I don't think I like your to-"

Negotiations had broken down.

Plan B.

I threw Naruto at them, the boy amusingly limp as he brought the head guard down to the ground with a yowl.

Sasuke, refusing to allow me to throw him like I had Naruto, leaped off my shoulder to take advantage of the chaos.

Water.

And that was when both boys exploded. Plan B: Every ounce of water on their bodies vacated the area with all haste, plastering everything around them in moisture. The open gate. The gatehouse.

The guards, the lot of them dropping to the floor with screeches and meows as they were brought low by the wet, miserable, chilly, and heavy awfulness that was soaked fur.

That was it then. I'd blown our cover...but there was nothing in our way.

So, now, to take advantage of the moment.

"Go, go, go, go, go," my hair picking up Naruto by the collar to get him on his feet, I put my words into action by sprinting through the gate, "Go, go, go."

I wasn't panicking.

When in a crisis, be decisive. Be active. Hesitation was the enemy: inaction, death.

I was showing leadership qualities and good sense.

"Gather info. Locate Nekomata. Regroup," I spelled out roughly, fingers twisting as the civilian populace, dozens of cats at the least, went about their night, "scatter."

Like so.

Sasuke continued his run forward, dodging the crowd as much as they did him before jumping up onto a roof.

Naruto peeled away sharply, quickly turning into an alley while knocking over a garbage can.

I slowed down, slipping into the crowd with all the ease of fitting my hand into a glove as the commotion the boys had caused in their escape put me out of sight.

Out of mind.

And free to have fun.

==========

Naruto couldn't say why it had taken him this long, but he was starting to get the idea that his teammates might have been fucked up.

Like, in the head.

…Well, okay, nah, he'd known that about Sasuke already. You couldn't spend as much time as he did on making his hair stand up like the back end of a duck without having some screws loose. And eating tomatoes like they were apples could only be a sign of a diseased mind.

And there was that whole thing with his brother, but Naruto didn't even know where to start.

He'd never had a family to lose. So what would he know about it?

Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly.

No matter how he'd felt when he'd seen Sakura go down in two pieces, Naruto didn't think it would be…uh… Yeah. It wasn't a good idea to compare the two. Sakura got back up, pissed as hell and swinging. Sasuke's family, uh…didn't.

That wasn't the same thing.

And it wasn't like Sakura was family, right? Blood related? Even if he wondered when he was alone for too long if having her around was the same as having an older sister-

The blond grimaced to himself, the very thought of that thought getting back to her making him feel small.

And like he should think of easier things, like taxes.

Fuck taxes.

…Man.

What he felt about her was complicated, and he didn't have to explain dick. Not even to himself.

Naruto scratched his chin as he walked through the streets of the cat fortress. Past the cats selling fish from stalls, the bars that stank of smoke and sake, the cathouses with red lights and noises that made him want to take off his sandal and throw it at the nearest thing that meowed.

In other words, he could have mistaken it for any other night in the sleazier parts of Konoha as he sprinkled himself with some of the sake he kept in his jacket, putting a stumble in his walk and a slur in his voice.

Sleaziest. Best gossip hotspot in town. Same shit. If you wanted to know what the bosses were up to, you went to the redlight district.

That was basic stuff.

Low effort too.

If he were lucky, the combo of booze and some guy cat getting lucky would wrap up this mission in no time.

And, now, back to Sakura getting cut in half (fuck) before he forgot what he was thinking about.

Right.

Sakura wasn't good at pretending that she was okay. Or - or she was to people that didn't know her. Or people that wanted to pretend she was okay for whatever reason.

But, to people who had known her for as long as he had, one of those guys that had tried pretending too, nope.

He scratched his chin again, dodging some kittens running by while ensuring he had a hand on his wallet.

Not that Sakura was okay normally, he'd be real, but Zabuza fucking her up like that hadn't done her any favors.

Or anyone else. Still being real about it.

She was acting, well, kinda crazy. Out there: Sakura was trying too hard to pretend things were okay by cracking jokes, and that was making it pretty fucking obvious that it wasn't okay.

And, you know what? Fair.

That was something that Naruto could understand... It's not like he didn't do the same thing sometimes when things were tough and he was….

…Huh.

Naruto crossed his arms as he took a boneless seat on a bench and told that line of thought to go fuck itself as he let out a grumbling snore.

He meant that it was like how he got grumpy when he had to regrow his teeth, and his ramen tasted like blood. She got upbeat and chatty after sewing her legs back on and giving the Shinigami the finger.

Different strokes for different folks.

He got it.

…Still didn't make his team any less fucked, and he thought he might be seeing a pattern when he added Kakashi to everything (what the hell was his problem?), but he could at least understand why one of them was how they were.

Fuck if he knew what to do about any of it though. He couldn't unfuck the past. And if there was anyone that could, they were dropping the ball… But he reckoned he could keep the future unfucked if he tried.

As long as you're doing your best.

Naruto took a breath. And he nodded to himself, jerking 'awake' in the process.

Yeah.

As long as he was doing his best.

A faraway boom had him looking around as frantically as his act would allow. Slowly, and like he was dumber than dogshit, while a pink cloud billowed into the air from the other side of the fortress.

He blinked at it. Slowly. Then stood up as it started to fall. Wandered off while all the cats on the street were mesmerized, their eyes huge and paws in the air, as they started batting at the thousands of sakura petals fluttering around their heads.

It was like he didn't even exist to them—only the petals. And as he looked around, Naruto could see those petals gathering in piles. Drifting, floating, then sliding neatly over the stone in an easily managed, kickable mound.

He looked at one, kicking it on the way enough to pop the lot into the air and pull in the few cats that hadn't fallen for it the first time… he thought that might have been the point.

"...How long did it take to gather all of these?"

Naruto had questions.

And clothes that smelled like booze for no reason, now that he had a distraction whenever he wanted one…thanks, Sakura.

But he still had questions.

==========

It had taken Sasuke three minutes to figure out where Nekomata was hiding. It wasn't hard.

He'd hunted cats for years. He knew cats—their habits and how to catch them.

Tora didn't count. That thing never counted. That wasn't a cat, that was a monster, and he wouldn't talk about it again.

Sasuke knew his business.

House cats. Cougars. Lions. Tigers. Leopards. If it were a feline, he'd put their pawprint in the book…and a cat like Nekomata, one of his status and with his power, could only be in one place.

Sasuke climbed in through an open window, landing noiselessly on the stone floor as he oriented himself toward where he thought the nearest stairs might be

The highest part of the fortress. That's where he was.

As the closest thing this cat clan had to a Kage, the idea that Nekomata would be anywhere else was absurd. That he was also a cat and naturally attracted to high places to feel smug from was just a bonus that made Sasuke's job easier.

Or, so he'd thought.

He started to get suspicious that this would be more difficult than that as he traveled through what should have been the most secure parts of the building without seeing a single guard. He hadn't seen any workers either, and he didn't believe it was because of the flower bomb Sakura had set off as he'd been climbing the wall.

A flower bomb that had been laced with catnip.

The entire compound was out of action and hadn't stood a chance… She had to be watching him. That explosion had been too well-timed to be a coincidence, and she was too bright not to come to the same conclusion he had.

Naruto was about where Sasuke had expected. Not here.

Why Sakura wasn't here and why she'd said they should split up before vanishing, Sasuke didn't know. He didn't think he could know unless she told him. And he had his pride.

Sasuke wouldn't ask. He refused to. Either it didn't matter, or she was still helping in her way and out of sight.

No matter how much he wanted to know, he wouldn't ask. No matter if he got the idea that she might know more than she let on. A lot more. Things that he needed to know. Or that he thought he needed to know.

He wasn't sure… And he was probably making it bigger than it was.

Sakura didn't know everything.

Probably.

"Forget it," Sasuke said at his normal volume and tone, giving up sneaking in favor of getting this over with immediately, regrouping be damned. If the guards hadn't sounded the alarm yet, they would at any moment, and he was on a time limit. "I'll handle this myself."

Sasuke had done it a hundred times. And now he'd do it again.

Sasuke slid as the stone hallways became carpet, his feet leaving a tear in the fabric he wouldn't stick around to explain. His jumping off from that as friction took hold turned that tear into a ruin, the stairs he'd been looking for straight ahead.

And then it was under him, steps going by before he kicked off of them to reach the stairs above.

And still no guards. Not even a body to trip over or any damage from a fight.

"How loaded was that bomb?" He grumbled as he climbed the banister, the floor changing into tatami. "Taking all the challenge out of it…"

He wasn't sweating. He hadn't even had the chance to sweat.

If Nekomata was too drugged to fight back when Sasuke found him, he was going to be pissed.

"Hello, Sasuke. I hope your day is going well."

Sasuke's climb over the banister nearly became a fall, but the front flip he switched to doing instead saved him from humiliation…and, of course. Of course, she was here.

Of course.

"I had fun. I talked to cats. Went to a bar. Did some light sabotage and visited a maternity ward...those two things being unrelated, of course," Sakura waved at him from her seat on the floor with a wide grin. "It was like visiting a pet store, except I couldn't bring any cats home. And now, after helping with a pregnancy, I'm a godmother." Sakura beamed. "A worthwhile venture."

…What?

Sasuke flickered his Sharingan.

Sakura waved at him again, eyes bright, not an imposter or an illusion.

Okay then.

That explained why he hadn't seen any guards.

"I've been alright," Sasuke answered instead of asking any questions he wanted to after that. "Where is he?"

"Naruto? I believe he's-"

"The objective," Sasuke forced out as politely as possible, even as there was another pang in his head. He refused to play. "Where?"

Sakura made a small 'oh' sound that Sasuke didn't believe was real for even a moment before pointing at an oddly long hallway. "Straight down. First left. Can't miss it." Sakura hummed as she started playing with her hair, the braid unweaving as she pulled a comb from...somewhere. "He's pretending to be a geisha."

"...A geisha?" Sasuke, against all sense after everything that had happened today, asked.

"With a half-cat, half-human face. Or an angry black shadow in the shape of a much smaller cat… Cats. I'm sure he thinks he's imaginative, but that's not scary," Sakura scoffed as she put that comb to use, pulling at tangles and an unsurprising amount of cat hair that formed a wispy white ball on the mats in short order. "Boring."

Sasuke decided, then and there, that he didn't want to know what Sakura would think was 'interesting'...and why was she still talking? "What's your point? And how do you know this?"

He was bad at not asking questions.

"Practical effects are superior effects," she explained, not explaining anything as her hair rewound into a braid, her ring and bow fitting themselves to the end with a few twitches of her fingers, "And dodge towards the stairs."

Sasuke dodged towards the stairs, his body committing to a tuck and rolling down them before his brain could catch up. And just in time, now that the wall he'd been closest to had exploded into splinters as a giant cat's paw tore through it like it wasn't made of solid wood.

He wouldn't have even slowed it down.

Claws as long and sharp as swords cut the air above his head with a separate hiss for each, their passing ruffling his hair as he heard the leg that paw was attached to turn more of the architecture into rubble… He hadn't understood what Nekomata being thirty feet tall had meant till now.

It meant that Sasuke would have to break out the tags.

"Give us the pawprint, cat!" Sasuke yelled as he climbed the stairs he'd just rolled down with loaded kunai at hand. "Don't make it harder on yourself than it has to be!"

Or do.

"Full of yourself, aren't you, brat?" Nekomata hissed, the sound of a furious feline unnaturally filling the entire floor...genjutsu. "Did you think I wouldn't notice that my guards were missing? The broken silence?"

Sasuke blinked, and the world slowed to a crawl. The stairs he was on stopped twisting, the shadows returning to their normal sizes and shapes before the illusion had a chance to take hold fully.

"Do you take me for a fool? Did you think you could come into my room, stomp on my tail and get away with it?"

…What?

Sasuke slid under the cat's paw as it came around in reverse, another near thing as fur tickled his nose and it stole a kunai right out of his hand.

Well, 'stole'.

Had it sink into the cat's flesh up to the hilt, nearly pulling his arm out of the socket without the cat acknowledging it at all, actually.

'The bigger something is, the more that has to be done for a noticeable effect. Not a particularly difficult concept to grasp, yes?'

It wasn't. Sakura had been talking about how Naruto had broken his hand on her face that time, but it still applied. More than ever.

Sasuke was going to have to bring the whole building down on him. Or at least the ceiling. Use up his entire stock of tags, exploding and flash…and this wouldn't be too difficult.

Not in these spaces, far too small for anything as big as Nekomata was to stand up straight.

Did some light sabotage.

…Sakura had stomped on his tail to draw him out, hadn't she?

"HEY! SHITASS!"

The look of sheer bafflement on Nekomata's face at hearing that, the cat having forced his head through the hole in the wall to follow and claw him to death, would forever be cherished in Sasuke's memory.

Naruto appearing as if from nowhere to hug Nekomata's face, hands full of pink petals, same. Then another Naruto, this one jumping into the roaring cat's mouth. And another Naruto. And another Naruto. In an instant, one became dozens.

It was all Naruto.

They poured out from seemingly every crevice in the building- from inside the walls, the floor, the ceiling- an unceasing tide of orange that would haunt Sasuke's more paranoid moments for the rest of his life even if he hadn't had his Sharingan active. A nightmare of Narutos that all became smoke, catnip soaked flowers now spreading their payload as Nekomata slapped his own face without regrets.

It was terrifying.

"What…what is this? What did you humans do to me? Did you drug me?" Without regrets, because his pupils had changed from angry slits to blown out pools of black between the seconds required for Sasuke to reach for a tag and pull it free of his pack. "Am I drugged?" His paw returned to his face to give it an unblinking pat as Sakura, absent till now, approached with a giant sheet of paper and a grin. "My paw is bigger than my face."

…What was happening?

"I don't think so...? That doesn't sound like us. But there is only one way to check." Sakura laid the sheet down, smoothing it out before backing away. "Put your paw on this in one try. Just so we can check your focus and coordination."

No.

Nekomata tried. Once. Twice. Missed as the sheet moved, yet again with a twitch of Sakura's fingers… Made a sound of frustration and closed an eye as he held that paw up, a hint of drool leaving the corners of his mouth as Sasuke shrugged it all off to drop that tag and pull out the ink as Naruto tossed him a brush…and he had to wonder.

Was this it?

No. It couldn't be.

But…

On the third try, with Sakura's help and as Sasuke finished applying the ink, his paw met square in the middle of the sheet and...that was that.

Sasuke put a hand to his head, eyes burning as he stared.

He stared as Nekomata pulled his paw off the sheet, looking proud of himself as Sakura 'cleared him'.

He stared as the gigantic cat began to purr, the rumble enough to shake Sasuke through the floor as Sakura murmured nonsense at him and stroked his head.

He was still staring when Nekomata, still purring, went to sleep.

Sasuke only stopped staring when Sakura pulled the water out of the ink, pulling a bubble into her hands as her hair rolled up the print and tied it off with a red and black ribbon.

That was it then.

This is what Itachi said would be impossible for him to do. That he was too weak to do.

Just like that. He hadn't even had to do anything.

…He needed to think.

Sasuke needed some time to think.

This was easy. It was so easy. He barely even had to do anything and… He wasn't stupid. Maybe Kakashi was onto something after all when he talked about teamwork.

But he needed to do more. He needed to be more.

He should have done more.

"Another successful D-rank, gone off without a hitch," Sakura said as her hair handed her the scroll, and she handed it to him with a smile. "Who wants to watch some kittens trip over their feet?"

…Maybe he could push Sakura into the lake when she least expected it?

That would be an achievement.

"Eh. Why the fuck not? They're funny when they're that small. Not like the big bastard over there… I could go for it." Naruto, pushing his brush into his jacket, gave Sasuke a questioning look, brows furrowed. "You up for it?"

Sasuke, taking a deep breath, allowed the world to return to its normal speed—colors to stop being so sharp, reality to stop being so real as he massaged his temples.

Nekomata whistled through his nose, and that, somehow, decided things for him.

"Sure," Sasuke sighed, "let's go."

Sakura cheered.

He bet the other teams didn't have to deal with crap like this.

==========

Tenten was cold. She was hurt. Her new kunai launcher had run out of ammunition after she'd used it to shoot a man out of the air like he was a duck, and a lot of her childhood dreams had just died a fiery death.

The princess was kind of a whiny bitch, she couldn't imagine why anyone had lived in the nation (she couldn't feel her fingers) she was expected to save in the first place-

"RAINBOW!" Lee, glowing with every color that Tenten knew the name of and even more she didn't, roared as he kicked a daimyo in the face hard enough to snap his neck and blow him through an iceberg… A glowing iceberg. "WHIRLWIND!"

-and she wasn't even the hero.

Suddenly, and without warning, all the snow disappeared. Grass, deer, and butterflies were in her face as her very expensive winter gear became a hotbox.

"YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUTHHHHHHHHH!"

She bet the other teams didn't have to deal with crap like this.