Chapter 68

~Kamari~

I've been without them for a few weeks now. It's hard not to feel bitter about them, yet my heart still yearns for them. It might have seemed pathetic, but I prayed they would come back. Until then, I became busy hoping I wouldn't think about them so much. Ignis resembled Nye so much it was unbelievable, and she had a bit of a sassy nature. Now, she and Ryuu would go on little trips together.

And during their absence, I took care of Mael. I thought leaving him in an empty underdwelling with no food or anything to occupy his time was cruel. So I brought him books and food. A body couldn't pass through, but objects could. And I hated to admit but, I needed his company. Of course, I had Calea, but she only understood certain parts of me. I sit by Mael on the staircase to the under-dwelling. Mael had already healed and seemed to be coming around from his defeat.

"I should be so lucky for all the attention you're giving me. But, I suppose your mates' absence makes it rather lonely." Mael bites into an apple and locks eyes with him. "I won't lie; I miss them and don't understand why they chose to leave." Mael sighs and lets the apple core drop to the floor. "Kamari, do you think they would leave you for no reason?"

I stare at him, my chest tightening, "Are you suggesting it's my fault?" Mael shakes his head, a half-smile on his face. "Think about it: if it were me, I'd only leave you if I had to if something was going to put you in danger or that you shouldn't be dealing with. Something a bit stronger than you."

Goddess, I wanted it to be true that they only left because of a threat to my and my whelps' safety. I pull my knees to my chest, "I fear they'll stay away from me for whatever reason. But I just can't come to terms with it. Even if your words are the case, why not tell me?"

"Because you're stubborn." Mael smirks. "If they would have told you, you would have fought with them to go, right?"

I leer at Mael, "Of course I would. Why wouldn't I want to be with them if they faced something so dangerous." I wanted to be by their side, even if it meant fighting with them. " They act as if I'm so fragile. I faced the priestess of Paldania right after birth and trailed life's blood on the floor to my throne. I murdered my father and Cassian. I burned Browen alive." As I lay down everything I've done, I sigh heavily, "Good Goddess forbid I'm morbid." I cover my face with my hands.

"No, my love. You're a Shade. A Hybrid of sorts, but still weren't meant to be a little mad," Mael slightly tilts his head, his smile at a hint of crazy. And I can't help but smile back at him. "Yeah, you're pretty insane." I chuckle. It was nice to talk to Mael without worrying about life. Mael had the aura of allure, and maybe it was the sort of madness that dwelled within me, but I found it very soothing to see someone who may be a little more nuts than me. "Admiring the view?" Mael wears a cocky grin, "If this barrier didn't separate us, I'd happily take advantage. They would hate the love bites I make on you." He waggles his eyebrows. I purse my lips together, trying not to smile, but it fails. "I love how the magic barrier that contains you doesn't stop you from trying to woo me." It made my heart flutter. Mael has a bold nature, he is defiantly sneaky like Koa. I almost thought they could get along. Goddess help me I missed the feel of my mates heat, I rub my hands together making friction to keep them from stinging. I missed everything. I felt like half of me was gone. "You don't have to stay here, love; I'm fine."

I swallow hard as I look at him, and I hate the vulnerability in my voice, "I don't want to be alone…" It was a different kind of loneliness, and it was painful. Even though they left, I still had to go about my duties, and putting on a fake smile took all of my energy when the people asked about my mates; I had to come up with excuses for their absence. I had to wear power not to show the circles under my eyes. Mael eyes soften, I watch as he grabs his furs on the ground and drags them to me, through the magic barrier, "then atleast stay warm." Ryuu was with Ignis and Calea; I didn't have to worry about them. I was so tired, mentally and physically. "I'm a sore sight for Queen, aren't I?"

Mael's eyes narrow, "No, Kamari. Even the strongest break, but I'm here." Mael sits close to the magic barrier, "so sleep, you can't function without it." Mael crosses his ankles and puts his hands behind his head, his eyes closed in contentment. "Oh, and Kamari," I look at him as he addresses me, "Repeat those words, and I'll sew your lips shut with my spike." The viciousness laced with an underlying sense of caring makes me smile. I lay down in the furs, and they feel warm and bring me a sense of comfort, I snuggle them, and Mael's scent lulling me sleep.

***

When I wake, my mind scrambles with time, the bright light shining into the underdwelling when I swore it was dusk. Had I slept til the following day? "Oh, good goddess," I get up and see Mael still where he was, sleeping. I leave him, and let the furs stay where they are, I figured I'd be coming back for a while until I go comfortable sleeping alone. Getting some sleep did help, even though I didn't feel like a bushy tail rabbit, it took the edge of being an emotional wreckage. I get dressed as usual and go out to find my children. They seemed to be so independent so fast. It made sense, considering their species, but it almost felt like they never needed me. It's as if Nye, Koa, and Aneth were the only ones who were permanent; my children would take on lives they wanted to live, and who was I to stop them? I want them to be happy despite what I feel. But it made me wonder what would happen when Ryuu was ready to take the throne. I certainly wouldn't be ruling anymore, maybe helping now and then, but then what? I never planned on what would happen after I stepped down from it. 

I hear my daughter's laugh and follow her musical sound to the fountain gardens. They don't notice me at first. I watch Ignis and Ryuu play fight, Ignis was bold when fighting, taking risks, taunting. Ryuu was more fluid and experienced. He had an elegance to him like the moon shining upon dark waters. My attention turn to Calea, he braids her hair while watching them, I smile on her face that I've never seen before. A genuine smile that came from the heart; it beamed with love. And seeing that made me smile in return, goddess knows Calea needed times like these where she didn't need to worry about anything. She could enjoy life, which made me think maybe I should try living without my mates, but it hurt to think about it. I didn't know for sure if they were coming back; if they didn't, I couldn't just dwell in sadness. So, I join them, pretend I'm okay while I burn inside, and cling to the thread of hope that they come back to me, no matter how small that hope might be.