3

Thrown hatchets hit tree trunks...and stick to them. On by one, they fly to white-painted targets on tree trunks, and hit a bullseye each time.

Johanna Mason practices her skill, while in witness protection. District 7 is a long way from District 12...but that's just the price one pays for having witnessed a murder.

She hasn't fattened up much since her captivity in the Capitol. Then again, she did look like a whore when Katniss first met her. As a witness, she's been protected for quite some time now. She's just about settled here.

She chops wood, and makes a deadly impression while doing so. Before the Hunger Games, she wouldn't have known she was a born killer. But she sure knows now. Twenty-three of her peers died in that game-whether she killed them all or not is a mystery she'll never reveal to anyone-except maybe the right man, if he doesn't tell anyone...but then she'd expect him to, so therefore, the secret MUST die with her.

Witness protection drives a girl crazy after a while. And just as much, it makes her sex-hungry as well...

"O KATNISS, WHERE ARE YOU?! I MISS YOU ALREADY! HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY! MY WIFE'S A...!"

Johanna stops. That voice sounds familiar to her. As a matter of fact, she knows it VERY well. She and the shouter of those screams shared a prison in the Capitol during the Revolution.

She waits, and looks around. The scream stops, as if its source was never there. Then it hits Johanna: that was a jabberjay. She chuckles, and goes back to chopping wood.

She slows. There was something wrong with that jabberjay's scream. It just mimicked Peeta saying something about his wife. Also, jabberjays aren't known for their memory. That jabberjay just recited something it overheard very recently. And somehow, it's where Johanna can hear it...

Are jabberjays migratory? Probably not, but they can probably teleport to other districts...

"HELP! HELP!"

Johanna smiles, and shakes her head. Those jabberjays really know how to mimic distress. Also, she could've told Peeta not to marry Katniss. Somehow, Johanna always knew that Katniss would turn out to be quite the irate wife...if she ever married.

Johanna was almost convinced that she and Peeta would divorce within the decade if the Second Rebellion became the Revolution. And it sounds like that jabberjay has just announced, twice, that Peeta's marriage is on its own highway to...

She hears footsteps. They're running. They're getting close. Not thinking, Johanna grabs an ax, and rushes off to intercept those steps.

She leaps into their path, and cuts the runner off. She's armed with two throwing axes, and she sure as hell knows how to use them.

Peeta stops. Johanna freezes. They gape at one another. Peeta blinks, and shakes his head.

"Johanna?!"

"Peeta?"

Peeta blinks his eyes several times. "What...district is this, again?"

"I witnessed a murder," Johanna says, inadvertently freezing Peeta in his tracks again. "I'm out here because someone in District 7-or wherever else-wants me dead."

"Haymitch Abernathy is in District 7," Peeta says, without remembering that information's relevance. He blinks and shakes his head. He notices that Johanna's still poised to strike. "Are you going to..."

"Oh," Johanna realizes she's still holding up her axes, and rests them, "sorry. Witness protection can get boring after a while."

"Good god, how long have you..." Peeta changes the subject. "I need your help. Katniss is going through something really scary, and I really don't want her to..."

"Pee-TA, PEETA, PEETA, PEETA, PEETA! Pee-TA!"

Katlanna calls her husband like a hog farmer calls a hog. She's husband-calling...like on that episode of Tool Time when the Tool Man lost his hearing to the volume of a seasoned husband-caller's calls..."

"She's getting close," Peeta perspired. "We gotta go, now!"

"There are jabberjays around here," Johanna reminds him. "Are you sure it wasn't one of those?"

"JOHANNA! KATNISS HAS CHASED ME INTO A CORNER! SHE'S HUNG ME UPSIDE DOWN OVER A BARREL OF WHISKEY AND ROASTED ME ON A SPIT! AND THAT'S JUST PART OF IT! I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS NOW, BUT SHE'S DANGEROUS! WE'VE GOT TO..."

Someone laughs behind Peeta. Peeta shivers as he turns around.

Katlanna's here. She's just as nude and blonde as before.

Johanna surprises Peeta, as she gets between him and Katlanna, and raises both her axes. Katlanna gapes, and backs away a few steps.

"Throw them, Johanna," Peeta whispers. "I'm telling you, she can't be controlled!"

Johanna chuckles. "Tell me about it!"

Katlanna stares...and laughs, drunkenly. "Do you really think you can run from me, Peeta? I'm your destiny! No woman will keep you from me for as long as I will!"

"Listen, Katniss," Johanna begins, "I don't know what you're going through, or why your hair is blonde, or why you're naked, but right now, I can tell that Mellark's really scared of you. You need to..."

"Who are you? Are you...his wife, or something?"

Johanna blinks, and shakes her head. "What?! No, Katniss, we know each other! Quarter Quell, Revolution...remember?"

"Like I said, Johanna," Peeta says softly, "she's not herself. She's been..."

"Look, there's no need for violence," Katlanna insists. "I'm just having fun with Peeta, so if you don't mind..."

"Fun?! KATLANNA, YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO KILL ME! YOU ALMOST SET ME ON FIRE! YOU TRIED TO EAT ME...!"

"Of course I want to eat you, Peeta! I'm in love with you! And you're the one who sets me on fire! Now come back home, and let me prove it to you!"

"I DON'T NEED PROOF! I'VE SEEN ENOUGH!"

Johanna puts her axes down, and turns to Peeta. "I don't know what you're doing out here, Mellark, besides the fact that you were born and raised here, but you HAVE to go home and give that-whoever she is, whatever she wants. I don't know much about men, but I've known a lot guys who'd kill for a woman like her. Hell, I once considered having cosmetic surgery to make myself look like Katniss does now, for a guy who I once thought I cared about!"

"You don't get it, Johanna! She's not Katniss! She's Katlanna! I don't know who she is, but she's not my wife half the time! She's Ms. Hyde! She's a different person!"

"Oh yeah," Johanna acknowledges Katniss, as she uses a bow and arrow to fire several arrows, within a few seconds of each other, at a target painted on a tree trunk. "I can see that."

"Let me stay with you for a while, Johanna. Please. Just knock Katniss in the head, and I'll take her somewhere far away. She won't find out where you're staying..."

"Sorry, Peeta, but I'm not really here by my own command. There are androids up at my cabin who're prepared to kill anyone who gets too close to me. I have no idea why they're not out here now. You have no idea how lucky you are to be this close to me, and still breathing."

"But Johanna! I need you!"

Johanna puts her finger to Peeta's lips, and gracefully shushes him. "Go home, Peeta. Katniss-or whoever she is now-needs you. And I need lotion for my hands."

She starts to go back to the cabin she's staying at. Peeta doesn't understand why she thinks her hands need lotion; they sure felt fine against him.

"O, but Peeta," Johanna turns, and winces flirtatiously. "If Katniss ever does give you a moment, you now know where you can find me. We have so much to catch up on. I feel like I haven't seen you in a while."

With that, she leaves. Peeta feels weak, all of a sudden.

"This can't be happening," Peeta says to himself. "My wife's falling out of love with me, and now I've got two crazy bitches chasing me. What have I done wrong?! Married men with jobs aren't supposed to have this much trouble with women!"

"Pee-TA, PEETA, PEETA, PEETA, PEETA," a jabberjay calls. Peeta feels like screaming in rage...but doesn't, because he doesn't want to hear the jabberjays repeat it back to him.