12

Effie keeps a small school of butterflyfish in a tank. If they don't appear happy, the tank sure does. One can never tell with fish. They only express their emotion via the speeds at which they swim.

And if they swim fast, it's in self-defense. That swim bladder sure doesn't run on nuclear energy.

Effie feeds them. Inside, they all eat it as if they haven't eaten in a month...if they have.

At long last, the day is nearly dead. The moment that Peeta's been waiting for is about to come to pass.

And personally, Peeta hopes it doesn't.

She leaves her sandals at the door. Still on her toenail, Peeta minds the sandal straps as she's removing her feet through them.

She's tired; Peeta can feel it from all the way down on her toenail. It's nearly time for Peeta to pounce.

Paylor-forbid of Katniss ever finds out-if Katniss still loves him.

Effie gets to her bedroom. She strips. Her clothes fall all around her, like the biggest and silkiest avalanche Peeta's ever gotten caught in. THIS sure beats any obstacle he ever had to transcend in the Hunger Games.

Peeta just can't believe it. Effie sleeps naked! This is going to be funner than he thought! He won't have to tunnel through anything material to get inside her!

Not that that would've been a bad thing. But women tend to overdress for bed, and Peeta would prefer it if he had something to look at, as well as feel, while attending to Effie's "lonely parts."

She lies on her back. She keeps her arms next to her body. She smiles. She breathes. One by one, all of the lights in her house turn themselves off. The butterflyfish tank dims its own light.

She sleeps atop her bedding. It's as if she doesn't get cold at all-or, she's a sucker for cheap thrills and risks...

Her chest rises and falls as she sleeps. O, how Peeta would love to mountaineer those boobs... But he mustn't get distracted. And he mustn't get caught.

The hours pass. The air pump in the butterfly fish tank vents and hums. Effie doesn't move. But she snores.

Peeta doesn't mind that so much. As often as he's been awake since this all started, he needs something to keep him awake as he does this.

Ah, her upper legs. They're so majestic. What does she do to keep them in such shape. He swears he can't look at or feel them, or smell them, or lick them, without hardening below.

The tips of Effie's fingers are dangerously close. But Effie snores, and doesn't twitch.

The dams near the Capitol can't compare to the majesty of Effie's upper legs. They're a climbing wall that Peeta could climb for the rest of his life...if only he'd brought climbing gear to Divorce Court on the day it happened.

They're like the fort that could keep Godzilla out...if he existed. Wait...is Peeta sure he isn't gay?

Ah, her ass is so soft. If not for its mountainous circumference, Peeta would say her ass hasn't aged a day since her infancy. He crawls under it, and stands in. The fabric of her bare ass surrounds and nourishes him. O, Trinket ass, where have you been all wee Peeta's life? Katniss's is probably as tight as a coconut.

Her hands are leisurely cupped, and close. From where Peeta is, he can feel their heat. Her hand could crush him if she were aware. But he closes his eyes and thanks Paylor that, for the time being, Effie doesn't know Peeta from her own beloved husband.

O, how Peeta would love to climb her ass. But Effie would surely mistake him for a bug and try to squash him, so he laps up what he can of her ass, and moves on to her more personal parts-not that it hasn't been too personal already.

Effie rolls over on her side. It's as if she thinks Haymitch is really there, lying next to her...

One of Effie's telecomms buzzes. Effie screams, as it wakes her. Unlucky little Peeta is on one of her bare legs, when this happens. From there, she inadvertently throws Peeta across her bedroom.

The tiny Peeta flies, flops, and screams across Effie's house. He phases through her walls as if they were air...

He splashes down. He regains his balance, and his sense of gravity, and swims to the surface. He looks around. He sees a pile of bubbles erupting in the corner of what appears to be a glass reservoir.

The water tastes salty. He sticks his face down in it, and looks around. He's not alone. He's in here with a plethora of butterflyfish. To him, they're the size of whales. And he's about the size of a speck of food Effie feeds them.

Peeta looks around. He doesn't think he can swim to safety in time. And even if he could, it's a steep climb up those tank walls. He's virtually a sitting bug, if not a sitting duck.

The fish take a while to notice him. But they do. They swim towards him. One is gaining faster than the others.

Peeta thinks about shouting for help...but then Effie would save him, and he'd have to tell her how he got here and what he's done since. And naturally, he'd rather not.

Alas, there are worse places, and worse ways, to die. At least Peeta isn't Richard Dreyfuss's character in Jaws...although it seems that the longer he lives, the more he realizes he wouldn't turn down that role if they ever did a remake of Jaws...

They have, of course. But naturally, movie conservatives will ALWAYS over-revere the Spielberg original/fluke...

The butterfly fish is upon him. It enlarges its narrow tube-shaped mouth...

Peeta wakes. He's still in the Appalachian woods. His memories of raiding Effie are fading fast. And he hasn't gotten much bigger in his sleep, it seems.

Effie's home is nowhere to be seen...or anyone else's home, for that matter. But the sun is in the sky, the breeze is in the leaves, and the mockingjays are in the trees. Every now and then, Peeta hears them respond to a mourning dove's call. Peeta always did think those were their most humorous moments.

That, and the one where Cab Calloway time-traveled to Panem and sang "Minnie the Moocher" in a forest full of mockingjays...

Peeta's lying on a branch of a fallen hardwood tree-that's decaying more by the year. At least he's not trapped in a crack with termites. Alas, that could change any second. He'd better get a move-on...even if he is underdressed.

The branch shakes. Peeta freezes. Whatever caused that felt big. Bigger than him, at least...

Something colossal and four-legged stands over him. The white star on its chest hovers high over Peeta like an airship. Its legs are very tall. And it's very furry all over.

It's a bobcat. If Peeta is thankful for one thing, it's that bobcats are slow at ease, and thus won't likely make any quick moves that would squash Peeta. Alas, if Peeta gets slightly bigger too soon, he'll be as big as a mouse. And he and Katniss know Buttercup way to well to not know how cats and mice mix...

Thankfully, the bobcat doesn't seem to notice Peeta. After a very prolonged moment of suspense, it leaps off the branch and lumbers away. Peeta heaves a sigh of relief. He will get a move-on...but for now, he's got to deal with the aftermath of the bobcat's suspense...if nature will allow him that much more time.

And down here, whatever time Peeta collects is precious. He doesn't have to make a big movement, or even make a lot of noise, to attract a predator.