VIII

Today we will find out what is the nun's greatest life secret, there will also be something about the relations prevailing in the police, and we also mention the hospitality of guests from abroad with old Polish medical hospitality, although then it was not quite like this abroad ...;)

What will a nun not even say to the Prioress?

Recently, as part of my training, I have been wandering around various internships and departments. Not long ago, for example, I was admitting this at the rheumatology department. The specificity of examining patients, due to the fact that the disease may affect many joints, requires the patient to undress at least to the panties. After all, the hip joints must be carefully felt in abduction, adduction and, of course, rotation. And move them in all directions (or at least try ...)

In the morning I got a medical history of a patient just before the age of thirty with a suspicion of a certain disease that could affect many different joints (painful and curved) quite quickly. After reading the collected documents, I found out that there was a good probability that this lady was just unlucky. I go to the patient's interview and examine. I look at the nuns in the corridor.

Not suspecting the worst, I asked a passing nurse if we had a penguin rally? I found out that they brought my patient. To make matters worse, as always, one penguin followed me and heard my kind question !! Why do penguins go in packs ?!

I take the penguin patient to the researcher (a room where the doctor can lock up with whomever he wants and play doctor with him). Apparently the fact that I am wearing pants scared the "little sister" to death, because she was all pale following me. Honestly, I was also terrified by the fact who my patient is, because I always have some strange problems with the clergy. believed I was on a home visit when I arrived at four in the morning).

I'm collecting an interview. I ask about everything (venereal diseases, smoking, alcohol and drugs as well). Finally, by giving the penguin a paperclip to sign, please, let her undress down to her panties for examination.

The blushes I saw a second later will stay in my memory for a long time. Apart from adding intense colors, my sister did not move, so I asked if she agreed to the examination.

(S) - Doctor, I have vowed chastity !! (it blew me away but I keep on trying)

(J) - I just want to examine my sister!

(S) - But Doctor, is that necessary?

(J) - In order to treat my sister well, I need to know exactly what the problem is (here I wrote a talk about the need to examine all joints).

(S) - But doctor, because I wouldn't want to ... I mean, are you sure you are bound by medical secrecy?

(J) - Of course.

(S) - But in front of everyone? Before the Prioress, too?

(J) - Yes.

(S) - Then please do not tell anyone, but I (here she leaned towards me and said in a whisper) I wear thongs!

Sometimes it's hard to stay serious, but I managed to get it.

They were beautiful, with lace embroidery on the front ...

* * * * *

Radar boys

Yesterday's day was extremely strange. From the morning I felt like the hero of one of Kafka's novels. I would risk saying that it is caused by the prevailing heat, my forgetting to take my documents from home, heat, "flooding of patients", heat, digging up the entire city along and across the city and the associated increased presence of "traffic roads", as well as heat.

Moving from one place to another, oblivious to the lack of documents, I risked a ride through the "Zone", mentally counting on the distance of a medical stamp visible on the windshield, which supposedly entitles me to pass through this zone. Unfortunately, on the spot I came across bored, cheerful gentlemen who chose this very moment to check whether a given driver can definitely go this way like the Grand Prince, and should not sometimes stand in a traffic jam on the outskirts of the zone like ordinary citizens of the city of Krak.

At the sight of the white and red lollipop, I sweated even more (which was almost impossible in the prevailing heat, as I already had all-day sweat splashing in my shoes), but being an exemplary citizen I went down to the sidewalk. While waiting politely in the car, opening the window, I watched the approaching representative of law and order in the mirror. And at this point (delayed reflexes - heat) I noticed that the sheriff not only was wearing pants (hipsters?) Barely sticking to his typically male three points (left hip plate, right hip plate and this point in front of him) , not always visible), it also takes a step that a model on the catwalk would not be ashamed of. He even threw his hip a bit ...

After taking a closer look, I found that although there is a lot of equipment at the waist (a gun, handcuffs, gas thrower, something in a white, leather mini purse, something in a black, leather scabbard), I don't think he was wearing oversized pants which loads cannot withstand. I guess they were "hipsters" ..

After asking for documents in advance and knowing my answer in advance, I was asked to lock the car and change to the back seat of a police passat. Here, in turn, I had the unquestionable honor of meeting the second guardian of the law. This time it was a "macho" type, with three-day - obligatorily black - stubble and biceps breaking the official clothes. In a word - a policeman from the Citizen's Poster. At the outset, however, my nervous mind noticed with some anxiety that the first policeman getting into the car was greeted in addition to the standard "what's up?" a caress in the form of a brush with the back of the hand on the chin. Maybe this is the police standard of showing trust between comrades on patrol, but this behavior made me wonder about the "relations" prevailing in the police.

I do not know what the routine detention of a guy without documents looks like, but I was asked how I could prove to them who I am, or who could say that I was me and not him. At that moment I was struck by the thought of using one of the patients (the police commissioner, but not the traffic police) at least once to try to alleviate the situation. So, giving the Nice gentlemen the commissioner's phone number, I once again noticed that the "macho" moved his hand with a caressing gesture on his partner's thigh (now I wonder in what sense it was "partner"). Somehow I felt less and less clearly sitting on the third in the police car, I had an overwhelming impression that I must be disturbing them with something ...

The gentleman in the headquarters connected the police car with my dear patient, who, having found out what was going on and (fortunately) recognizing me by his voice, started negotiations with my torturers. After a few minutes of conversation, I regretted more and more not taking these documents. The Commissioner, who has no power in the road traffic (another department, as I said), after a series of requests, moved to dynamisers. Here everyone had the opportunity to find out how much the Commissioner cares about the attack of sudden amnesia among the "road workers", that he knows their boss and when he calls him, the gentlemen from the police car will change to their own shoes, with which shoes will beat the rhythm of the most neglected and plentiful in the holes of all kinds in the streets of our beautiful city. When this also did not work, we found out what the commissioner thought about the gentlemen, what they do in the evenings, about their wives (I wonder if they have them at all?), Mothers, daughters, closer and more distant families, social and systemic origin of these, shortcomings in higher education and culture, attitude towards ethnic minorities and all-Polish youth. During this monologue, the gentlemen looked at me more and more "scowl", and I was shrinking more and more in the back seat. When I was approaching the size of a medium-sized dwarf, the gentlemen agreed to stop at the mandate. When writing it out (when I had to call my spouse to give my PESEL number and other numbers), the policeman in hipsters politely asked:

- Doctor, are you not a proctologist from time to time?

At the end, returning to my car, I turned to once again look at the lovely gentlemen. I have scarcely restrained myself not to say goodbye to their words (irresistibly associated with Master Lansky): RESPECT OF THE LEADER

* * * * *

A drink that has a kick like ...

I was at a party yesterday. It's a heavy event, enough to say that I've only sobered up now. The worst thing is to party in a medical group, and it's also like the professorship itself takes part in fraternizing with the plebs ...

One of the very famous Krakow cardiologists told the following story:

"Somehow right after the imposition of martial law in Poland, a delegation from the then brotherly USSR visited our clinic. I had to host the head of the delegation. And then there was lunch. dry mouth, and only then appeared Czysta and only in front of the head of the delegation, żubrówka. The heat was there, so the Soviet professor sharply took on the bottle, the contents of which remained only a memory for less than an hour. The situation was saved by an anatomy professor (where different solutions are used for various purposes) by bringing a five-liter canister of spirit from somewhere. Looking longingly at the bottle of Żubrówka, he asked the cardiologist:

- "Izwinite, do you have a buffalo mineral rite?"