Roxanas Journal [1]

Day 1:

I don't understand, why am I not talented enough? I reached level 3 at 19 years old!

When I asked my parents, they just said I am too smart and that I should use my talents for research.

No! I don't want to be smart. I don't want to spend my life between these walls. Urgh!

My brother… is talented, he is even the youngest level 9. I love my brother, but I also envy him.

Why can't it be me?

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Day 10:

I tried to escape from the lab. I nearly succeeded if not for that level 8 Space Bastard.

Who does she think she is?

I am Roxana Xander.

I will take my revenge one day.

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Day 50:

I was getting bored, so I started studying a few things. My parents told me I was smart. Smart enough to be considered the 0.01% in the research field.

They were wrong.

I would be in the 0.0001%.

I finished the work of four months in a week. If I am not a genius, who is?

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Day 100:

I might be going insane.

Julius is too busy and visits me only once a month. Oh, brother, you told me you'd protect me and make me happy.

Once you become a high general, what has gotten into you? You are speaking a lot less than you used to.

On the other hand, my parents visit me all the time.

Even though they don't say it, it's written all over their faces. Disappointment!

For what? They want me to research something. Anything.

Argh!!

They say I'm not living up to my potential. That I am wasting my gift. As a Xander, they said I must contribute.

I sent them off saying that I am still studying the fields and I will pick one after I decide what I like.

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Day 150:

I hate myself. Why are these things so easy to understand? Are you sure it's not written by an elementary school kid?

At this rate, I'll run out of the material. Then I have to research! Dammit!

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Day 200:

I hate the world. It's full of imbeciles. It's not like the Abyssals are better. Everyone is an idiot!

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Day 250:

In one week, I'm becoming an expert in anything I study.

In another week, I'm reaching the level of leading scientists.

In the third week, I start asking questions no one could think of.

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Day 300:

Fuck! I'm getting bored. I read everything I found What am I supposed to research anyway?

'Just research whatever you want~' My ass!

There are a trillion things to research on and you know what?

None of them interests me!

I hate being here!

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Day 400:

I am depressed. I had some dangerous thoughts.

I don't know if I was trying to ignore it, but anyway, I am a prisoner.

I need to slave myself to the so-called Xander family since they provided for me.

That and they're not dumb enough to lose a genius.

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Day 500:

I…I can't do it anymore.

My research impressed my parents.

Even my brother…he's a lot colder now, but he still patted me like he used to when I was young.

…Maybe I should try to adjust to this life?

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Day 1000:

Something is wrong. I should be happy but mom and dad stopped visiting me since the last time.

Are they done with me?

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Day 2000:

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My brother… told me that my parents died.

What the?! How?

Father is a Sovereign! How can he die?

He said with a remorseful face….but I saw his eyes.

Those eyes were cold!

I broke down in front of him. I didn't know what to feel.

He knew that I understood.

Broth-Julius said that father was a threat and he hated him.

There's also one thing he said before leaving. Something I couldn't believe.

He said I am free from now.

I can stop researching and just live however I want!

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Day 2100:

I was three months outside in the outside world. I felt like a tourist. I tried to adjust. I really tried.

But everything felt bizarre to me.

Before knowing it, I spent 5 years alone in a lab.

It all started when I visited the Academy of Sciences.

It was a nostalgic day.

I just half-assed the three years, made friends, and had fun. Even then, I was hailed as one of the most brilliant researchers.

I met my friends.

Since I didn't care in the past, I never noticed but…why are they so dumb?

The progress in the research they did in five years, I can do it in a week.

I told them how they should work harder and be smarter.

As I showed them my expertise, they were floored.

I enjoyed their envy. I enjoyed their worship.

I enjoyed everything.

If only life is like this.

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Day 2150:

Why is life like this?

I enjoyed the envy of my peers.

But before I knew it, I began to envy them.

Why are they happy?

Why are they content with their ape brains?

Why are they not anxious, irritated over their inadequacies?

I can't stand it!

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Day 2200:

I met two friends of mine. They are now married.

I hated their affection.

This world is so bizarre.

People are so weird!

I'm freaking out!

We met again at a conference.

It was supposed to be a place to discuss latest findings.

…So why the fuck are they two together again?

Why is everyone smiling?

We are scientists! Researchers!

I can't smile!

You can't smile!

We can't smile!

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Day 2300:

I realized something…despite spending almost a year outside, I can't fit in at all.

I feel like an outsider. Like a tourist visiting a foreign planet.

I tried forming strong bonds. I tried dating someone.

Even if they are dumb, their EQ could be high, right?

Nothing worked out.

But…it turns out, the problem was with me.

Apparently, I made insensitive comments, mocked everyone, and spaced out every other minute.

Hey! It's not my fault if I space out. My Brian is telling me the solutions to one of the million problems I have in my head.

I keep thinking all the time.

It's not that I space out all the time, but I live in the moment for some time.

That's how I lived for the past five years.

I explained it to the man I wanted.

But he did not listen. I really liked him. But he…said no.

I slit his throat.