Lodge

"So… do you live alone?"

"Yeah"

"Hey, so you actually have a house?"

"What do you think I am, a homeless tramp?"

"Gees, that's not what I meant. I'm just surprised that you say you have no money at all yet have a house"

"It's barely a house. It's more like a beaver lodge"

For a moment I imagined Miya swimming around like a beaver collecting twigs with her mouth to build a house, the silliness of it made me laugh out loud a little

"Hey what's so funny about that"

"Sorry, I just thought it was cute"

"Huh?"

"Er, I mean, you are like a beaver and beavers are cute"

"Haha. I guess it's true. I'm proud of my lodge though. You want to come and look?"

Under any normal circumstances, getting invited to a girl's house for the first time would be a heart-thumping situation for a teenage boy, but that is not the case when you are visiting Miya's beaver lodge.

"Sure, I'm interested"

We walked for what seemed like ages, from our meeting place near my school. Since Miya did not have a phone I had no way of contacting her, and she did not want to spend coins to call me. So we set a time and place to meet every day after school, but she was not so keen on the idea of hanging around a school, so we set the place to be by the river bank maybe a kilometer away from the school.

Miya led me along the river bank with a few steps ahead of me humming a tune I'm sure I've heard before but could not recall the name of.

"What song is that?"

"Hm?"

"The song you are humming"

"Actually I don't know. I always sing this song but I don't know what it is called, or any words for it. I just have this melody in my head. Heck, I would be happy if I could find out myself"

"Yeah, the tune sounds familiar. I know I've heard it – I think it's from some classical music"

"There is no way I would have heard any classical music, I've never been that posh"

"Well, you might have heard them somewhere without realizing. They use those a lot in commercials and so on"

"Hm, maybe"

She then continued walking but stopped humming.

By the time we reached a bridge, it felt like we were almost at the boundary of the city district. Miya excitedly ran towards the bridge and waved me to hurry and catch up with her

"It's here, look!"

As I looked where she pointed, there was indeed a lodge, very much looking like beaver's lodge as Miya claimed before. On one hand, the cute image of Miya being a beaver returned to my head, but at the same time, I felt a little sorry that she was living in such poor condition. I wanted to say something positive though.

"It is indeed very impressive you've built it yourself"

"Yeah, it's probably the best thing I've ever done. Come in!", Miya motioned to me as she crouched to get through a small door, or just an opening in the lump of twigs let's say.

When we went in it was dark as expected as there were no lights and I could barely see anything.

"I can't see anything"

"If you stay in the dark for a while, your eyes adjust and you can see relatively okay. It's not like this lodge is completely sealed and light proof"

"I guess"

The lodge was very small and it was cramped for two people although there was barely a thing inside this Miya's 'house'. The ceiling was so low that I had to keep my back bent down. I still couldn't see well, but I imagined Miya could still stand in this place as she was so short.

"You can sit or lay down if it's uncomfortable to stand. I think you are too tall for my house"

"Right, thanks"

I sat myself down on the floor, which felt like it was covered by some cloth.

"I have collected some rags to use as carpet but it gets a bit damp on rainy days. I have one cushion I picked up from a back street somewhere but this is my pillow so I can't give it to you. Just bear with it"

"It's fine, Miya"

So we just sat there in the dark, and basically, there was nothing to do.

"Erm, Miya, so what do we do now?"

"I don't know"

"Huh? What do you normally do when you are home?"

"Oh, answers to that actually relate to what you asked before – what do I do on the days I don't work"

"Hm yes, I'm curious"

"I hibernate"

"What...?"

"I stay here and try to do as little as possible, to conserve energy. If I spend less energy, I need less food"

"Jesus, so you just sit here and do nothing in the darkness?"

"Kind of. But hey, did you know that you can actually train to lower your heart rate? I heard there was this one guy who could bring his heart rate to as low as 12 beats per minute! He holds the world record for holding his breath in water or something like that"

"No, I did not know, that is mad"

"Yeah! It's wild. I've kinda learned how to do it myself too though, I can go down to about 22 per minute"

"What?! That's insane"

"Practice makes perfect" – I'm sure she was making that 'sticks a tongue out and wink' face although I still couldn't see a thing in this darkness.

"You do all that to conserve energy, so you can eat less?"

"Yes, partly, but I also have other reasons"

"And they are?"

"Once I heard about training to lower your heartbeat, I thought whether it may be possible to train yourself to lower your heartbeat to the extent that you can actually make it stop eventually. That would be a pretty impressive way to kill yourself"

I gave it a thought.

"Yes, that would indeed be very impressive, but I don't think it is possible"

"I think so too. I realized there will come a point where you are pretty much entering into what feels like a heart attack, which I hear is extremely painful, and I don't think I can control my mind enough to overcome such a pain – probably nobody can"

"That's right"

Then we sat in silence for a while again

"Come to think about it, Miya, you have not taught me anything about death and suicide yet – you said you would be my suicide mentor, remember?"

"Hm yes. But since you have been spending time with me, I'm hoping you have learned something already just by observing and experiencing"

I thought about it for a while.

"Yes, I've learned that life can be much more difficult than I knew myself – I'm sorry to say, but you are living in very poor condition while I at least have a house and bed to sleep in and can eat when I want"

"Exactly. You are living a life of luxury compared to me"

"Yes, that makes me feel somewhat guilty"

"Hey, don't feel that way though. And it's not like I'm trying to make you appreciate what you have more, because that would be like making you feel better about your life"

"Huh?"

"I have not forgotten our deal. I am supposed to teach you how to kill yourself and die in bliss, which is actually a very difficult thing to do. Suicide and bliss don't easily go together well"

"That's right. So how do you intend to teach me? Do you have any idea about some new suicide method I do not know of?"

"It is too early for that now. You will see and learn slowly over time. I believe, with correct guidance, you will find the way yourself"

"Hey, but then it's not like you are actually teaching me"

"I am. You just do not realize it yet. Be patient my young disciple". She patted my head as she said this.

"You can see my head?"

"Yeah I see everything"

"I can see a bit now as my eyes adjusted somewhat, like where the door is, but I can't even see where you are now, to be honest"

"Yes, it has become darker. It is probably nighttime already outside. I can feel it"

"Well, I guess I should leave now then and let you 'hibernate' till tomorrow"

"No. Don't go" Miya grabbed my wrist – how can she even see?

"What do you mean?"

"Stay here tonight. With me" – ok, I didn't really feel like I would be 'staying in a girl's room overnight', but what she said still did sound a bit dodgy and embarrassing.

"Erm, that's a bit awkward.."

"You embarrassed?"

"Maybe. It's just a little weird"

"Don't worry, it's not like I will attack you or anything", I heard her giggle.

"Why do you want me to stay though?"

"It feels warmer when there's one more person in the lodge"

Oh.

I don't know if it was out of pity, or if I felt some kind of empathy towards Miya, but I did decide to stay overnight at her lodge. But she was right. It was nothing dodgy like a girl and a boy sleeping together. I was cold as fuck and shivered all night laying on the damp ground while Miya seemed to be sleeping so well judging by her child-like snoring.