8. Cross Purposes

A sharp rap at the door jolted her from her memories. Before she could respond, Jay sauntered into her room uninvited. There was a little fleck of gravy visible in his beard, and his eyes held their usual spark of mischief.

"Saw your light was on," he began casually. "Thought you might want some company, with your bedtime coming up so soon." His tone hovered between joking and condescending.

Zandra fought down a scowl. "Just doing some homework," she replied lightly. She didn't want him to even guess that there was any kind of revenge plan in the works.

"Ah, yes, got to make sure you know your ABCs. You'll probably master it in a year or two." Jay's grin held an edge. "Speaking of lunchtime learning opportunities, how did you enjoy your lunch? I hope you were amused by its appropriateness."

Zandra's first instinct was to get mad. But some inner voice told her that the Jay wasn't actually being as cruel as she might have expected, which gave her a reasonable suspicion that one of their parents might be in a position to overhear. He was trying to goad her into an angry response that he could pretend was a childish tantrum. But Zandra wasn't going to let herself fall for such a simple trick. Rather than trying to put on a poker face, she thought about Dell's promise that Jay would agree to be a baby, and let herself imagine him sitting sulkily at the dining table with Mum force-feeding him a bottle of formula. When she visualised that, the smile was easy and natural.

"Oh yeah," she said. "I don't think you got it quite right, but thanks for trying. I'm sure you'll learn to do it properly when you grow up a bit." The fact that he didn't curse or swing for her after that little jab proved that he thought someone was listening, so Zandra chose her next words carefully: "There were a few things in there I didn't really fancy, so I swapped with a friend. So everything turned out pretty well."

The expression on Jay's face then was priceless. A textbook display of abject bewilderment. He'd expected her to do her best to hide the strange lunch from everyone else, ashamed to be seen with it. He didn't know that she could trust her friends now; or that her friends were smart enough to push her out of a self-destructive funk. He was probably even more surprised to see her say that she'd swapped; because he couldn't imagine anyone wanting that lunch bag. And she sounded like she was telling the truth, largely because she knew it was actually true. He wanted to challenge her, to say that nobody would eat that stuff. But that wouldn't be good if Mum or Dad heard, and he knew it. Seeing him open his mouth and then say nothing, like a fish gasping for breath, was the gift that Zandra had never known she needed. But she was sure that in a second or two, he would find another comeback. She had to enjoy it while it lasted.

"You know," he eventually changed the subject. "I heard there might be babies at your school. I was walking in the park, and you'd never guess what came flying over the fence and beaned me."

He brandished the baby bottle that he'd included in Zandra's lunch. She bit her lip hard as images swam into her mind's eye: Sabine taking the bottle and tucking it carefully into the top of her gym bag; and last summer, an image of Sabine winding up on the pitchers' mound during an inter-school baseball tournament. She had been an expert at high balls, spin balls, and a dozen different fancy throws that Zandra didn't even know the name of. And she was sure that the her friend would have absolutely no trouble lobbing the bottle at a figure in the park, even with high fences in between.

She couldn't help the peal of laughter that followed from those thoughts. "Seriously? That's crazy. I mean… Well, maybe we'd better bring that up with the principal. Is there a baby without his bottle somewhere? I bet they'd have a big investigation to find out why a baby bottle was even on the school grounds. Maybe Dad could help them figure it out, he's good at getting to the truth. I can't even think why someone would sneak it into school, but there must have been some nefarious purpose."

Jay opened and closed his mouth without speaking.

"Whatever," he muttered. Zandra grinned as she listened to him stomp back downstairs. That had felt even better than she imagined. A part of her thought that she'd already gotten the revenge she needed, while barely lifting a finger. But her curiosity was an irresistible force, and she couldn't stop wondering about what Dell's fertile imagination had graced them with.

She closed the bedroom door behind her, and hesitated. She hadn't actually finished a page of algebra. But most of her homework wasn't due until next week, and the few pieces for tomorrow were sure to take her less than an hour just to finish off. She could afford a break to talk to her friend, surely. When she finished the cider, she told herself. When that bottle was empty, if she hadn't already, she would return to focusing entirely on her homework. It was a promise, and one that there was no chance she would break.

Zandra grabbed her phone and sent Dell an excited message: "Sorry for going non-pulse! Did Sabine tell Sean about Party Harder? Cos he told Jay, and he's just asked Dad if they can do their marathon screening in the study here this time. Any chance we could still put our plan in motion then?? 😈"

Dell's response bubble popped up almost instantly, and Zandra barely had to wait at all for the actual answer. Certainly not long enough to consider doing a little homework in each pause; there wouldn't have been time to pick up her pen.

"OMG yes!! Jay and Sean in one place 🤩 and they'll be having an all-nighter right?"

Zandra grinned and tapped out a reply; pausing just enough to ensure that she asked exactly the question she had intended to get an answer to.

"Does Sean need to be here to baby Jay? I kind of worried he might figure out… whatever trick you're trying to pull. I mean Jay can be impulsive but Sean analyses everything."

"The plan doesn't need Sean," Dell admitted. "But it makes it easier. Doing it overnight is the easiest way to put the right words in his mouth, and we know how those two are with Party Harder. Plus, if we get caught we can just say we're going to be the Kings of Pranks. One-upping what he did. And ask if he wants your dad to know he tried to make you go without food. 😈 Two reasons it's better. And you've seen what a baby Sean is being lately, you're not the only one who's having idiot brother problems. We can kill two 🥚birds with one 💊stone."

The next messages were simple questions, easily addressed. Zandra explained that at the end of next week her parents would be going to Greenfest, and that Jay was theoretically looking after her for two weeks. She said that Sean's visit would be on their first day parent-free, so there was no chance that they would have any observers. And she promised not to say anything to Sabine about Sean being part of the plan, so that she wouldn't start to feel too much guilt as the big day approached. She could be pleasantly surprised when Sean ended up agreeing to the baby treatment too.

Zandra didn't like keeping something from one of her closest friends, but she could see that Sabine was the type to overthink this. And Dell's infectious enthusiasm swept over her, getting her more and more excited the longer they chatted.

"Good girl," Dell's text appeared. "I think we've got everything lined up now. Leave it to me, I'll make sure he never hurts you again."

Zandra blushed a little at that; if anyone else talked to her like that she would have been angry, but Dell's jokes always seemed so thoughtful that it was impossible to take them seriously. It was a strange kind of teasing that seemed more affectionate than cruel, like Dell was laughing with her at the unpredictability of the world, not actually laughing at her. It made her feel safe, somehow, and protected.

"So tell me more!" Zandra typed back, but had to pause for a moment after her blushes turned into a yawn. After a couple of blinks she could finish typing "What are we going to do to him?", but it took a little more effort for her to hit send as her eyes tried to close. She glanced at the clock, and it wasn't even half past nine yet; hours before she would normally consider sleeping. But she decided that it was a good time to change into her pyjamas anyway. So that when the chatter and homework was all done, she could go straight to bed.

Zandra put the empty cider bottle down on her desk, so she could take it downstairs for washing and refilling in the morning, then quickly shrugged out of her school clothes and pulled on light pyjamas. She cleaned the makeup from her face, wondering as always if there was even a point to wearing it if she could barely tell the difference, and quickly brushed her teeth in between two more giant yawns. Then she sat down on the edge of the bed to watch the pulsing bubbles. Whatever Dell had written in reply, it had to be full of detail to have taken her so long.

Just one message, she promised herself. She would read this one long message, maybe send a response, and then focus completely on her homework until there was nothing to panic about before school. She yawned again, and checked her phone to see that there was just the bubble. No text yet.

Dell finished her missive another minute later, but Zandra's eyes were already closed.