Middle aged man

it was about a year ago, i had just turned nineteen and had been out at the clubs drinking with a friend until about 4am. everywhere was closing so everyone was kind of loitering outside waiting for taxis and stuff, but i live close to the downtown area so i was just seeing them all off before heading home myself. while we were all waiting, this older man comes and sits next to us. starts chatting, but there's a group of us so it's not that weird. though my friend was already side eyeing him - he was way older, maybe like 45, and really fat. reminded me of totoro or something. and on top of that, he was clearly high as shit. not weed, and not coke or an upper, i don't think. but he was super spaced out, and his speech was slow and dreamy, though he was making sense. i was pretty shitfaced myself, just super drunk, and i remember saying to my friend 'he's harmless, he's harmless.' because there are always weird but mostly benign people hanging around at the end of the night where i live, and he said he was just waiting for a taxi too.

anyway my friend gets into a car and the crowd slowly disperses, so i'm like right. better start stumbling my way back. it's always the worst part of the night, and usually i keep 999 dialed on my phone and speed walk the 10 min journey home. but on this occasion i was weirdly, stupidly relaxed. it was warm and i just felt calm and was taking my time. i start making my way up this dimly lit incline, sort of like an alley/road to get to my part of town. and i'm chatting on the phone to my friend who rang me to see if i was alright. i said yeah, we talked until i got to the top of the hill and then i hung up. and then i turned around, just on instinct, and the dude from before was right behind me. like, right behind me.

"hey, stop walking on the road. get off the road. it's dangerous," he said. i think i laughed sort of uncomfortably, but i got on the pavement. i had been on the yellow lines because apparently i was a whole idiot that night. he caught up with me and we started walking side by side. it's kind of fuzzy in my head, again i was super drunk so time skips around. i just know that though alarm bells were starting to ring, i kept up a normal conversation with him. once i realized it was literally just us, i automatically tried to keep things light. i thought, he probably doesn't have bad intentions, but i don't want to piss him off. said something like 'i thought you were getting a taxi too,' and he was like 'yeah but then i saw you going back alone. you shouldn't go back alone.'

we stop under a streetlight and he says 'you're quite a bit younger than me, yes?' and i'm like 'i think so, i don't know, i'm 19.' and something changed in his face then, but i couldn't quite read what. there was just this odd pause. and there was a moment where i realized how high he was, because his eyes were so blue and blown and intense. i think we joked around a bit longer, he was saying he felt old. something about his daughters age. and then he stopped and reached out and brushed my hair back off my shoulder. sort of caressed my face a bit.

"your hair, i love your, i love your, everything, i love..." he kind of slurred and looked down at my legs. the panic i felt was white hot and sudden and jolting, and i thought fuck. i could be in more trouble than i want to believe. but i was acting on instinct. i just laughed and started slowly moving back and away from him. i didn't want to give him a clue as to where i lived so i started crossing the road, putting as much distance between us as i could. i was looking at the houses around us to see if any had lights on just in case. it hit me how easily he could've overpowered me. and i'm not small by any means, but if he tried to touch me again, i don't know what i would've done.

"i'll have to leave you here, mate. there's a taxi rank down there," i said something along those lines, pointing him in the opposite direction. this seemed to snap him out of it a bit, he sort of laughed casually and then he paused. frowned at me from across the street.

"where are you going? i thought, i thought you lived..." he seemed confused, almost offended, that i wouldn't let him walk me right to my door. this total stranger. i just shook my head and repeated myself about the taxi rank. he slowly nodded and i turned a corner, but when i looked back he was still standing there. just a little further down the street, and by the light of this far off shop sign i could tell he was still staring right at me.

so i dodged down this short cut i know and fucking RAN all the way home, looking over my shoulder every two minutes while doing so. texting my friend that im sorry i hung up, i didn't know anyone was following me, but someone was.

anyway even though i know it was probably just the drugs he was on, now i never casually stroll home.