I hate this feeling.

Chapter 8

~Elham~

" you'll be discharged tomorrow. "he said handing me my food.

" thank you, doctor, please don't forget to give me the therapist's address."

" noted, and you'll need to see a dietitian as well, your progress is phenomenal… and my apologies for what happened," he said looking me in the eye,"

"No need I'm perfectly fine."

"If you need anything let me know, someone's here for you."

" Thank you...but so far I appreciate you keeping me alive."

I was annoyed with all the sympathy I had been receiving lately, I felt like I was seen as a pathetic and filthy human being, who was in no control of her own life.

He walked in, I felt my tummy knot up immediately...it was Zayn...of all people I thought

" what do you want?" I ask him turning my back towards him.

" salaams (peace be upon you)to you as well," he said placing the flowers he had bought on the counter, " your favorite, tulips."

" walikumsalam( peace be upon you too), funny how you remember now only."

" I heard what happened, I'm sorry."

" Zayn…I don't need your pity or sympathy. Please leave me alone.

" hear me out, I miss you okay, and I've made a huge mistake by abandoning you like that."

" stop, just stop! Just because I give you the same respect and admiration as I use to before and after you used me does not mean that I want you back…I'm putting myself first for once for the sake of my health, and dead child's peace so please leave! "

" Elham I…fine. I'm the one who messed up. I killed my child as well. I can't sleep…I can't stop thinking about you."

" serves you right, leave before I call security."

I watched him walk out, knowing that a piece of me will always want him. I yearned for him, he was the first guy to treat me right, or so I thought until he got what he wanted of course. I might have lost a piece of my dignity and self-respect, but I will not allow him to possess me again.

" surprise," she said as she walked in smiling," I brought food and your favorite ice cream, finally you'll be released tomorrow and your healing journey will begin."

I smile weakly as I sat down. " did you buy me the art piece I wanted."

" tada cousin, it's right here," I watch her removing the wrapper...

" This is actually a drawing of me and you, when we were kids, one of my recent works."

" I knew I had a special connection with it. Thank you for everything Nura."

" it's always a pleasure and no need to thank me, we're family."

" of course.

" Can't wait for your wedding, I heard it's with a really handsome aspiring doctor, who owns millions of business tycoons."

" ha, you flatter me…. I hardly met the guy but everyone's already head over heels for him… how annoying."

"wow, speak about picky. With those standards Missy you'll be a lonely hunched back lady."

" ha-ha, spare me the details. I have to go now, I'll come pick you up tomorrow. Salaams!"

" walikumsalam!"

I'm glad our relationship went over the dip.

***

~Zafar~

" Zafar…"

"yes, father."

"You're wearing a hotel uniform because?"

" you asked me to help out where I can, so I choose this."

He slapped his forehead, " I hope no one finds out that you're my son. Anyways I'll get to the point....are you sure that you want to go ahead with the marriage especially since you'll be in Cuba next year?"

"jee, I'm not letting her slip away again."

"suit yourself."

***

" Zafar, Zafar!" she said waving her hand in front of my face. "pay up or we won't get our takeaway!"

" oh sorry, my bad."

" What did you zone into this time?

" you have got to stop doing that, especially in public."

She grabbed our food and took me to an art studio.

" wala, today I shall sketch yours truly."

" Which is?" I say waving my hands around.

" you silly, either way, I need something fresh."

" then go ahead, we have nothing better to do. Do you want me to be shirtless or something?"

" if I wanted shirtless I would've called Mutaq."

" When are you going to drop that…"

" whoa just kidding, relax man. Besides we don't want a haram(forbidden) aroma spreading through the air. Plus I only plan on doing a face to shoulder sketch."

" lead the way."

She prepared her tools as I sipped her ice coffee away. She then told me how to pose so I sat in that position for almost an hour.

The sunset, we prayed and she continued. I could feel the stiffness my body begun to endure and it was awfully cold that very night.

" done," she said as her tummy rumbled. " come have a look?"

I walked over and held the sketch paper in my hand. " next time ask for a picture I can not feel my body."

" my bad, and who says there's a next time."

" there's always a next time with you."

I touched the sketch paper, she was phenomenal. It almost had me in tears, it was perfect.

" so, are you just going to keep on staring at it obliviously, or are you going to say something?"

"It's so good that it left me speechless, I can't believe that your this talented."

" thank you, let's go out now shall we?"

" roll it and grab your bag," she said

We went over to the door and when we tried opening it, it was locked.

" so, do we break it down or stay here in this freezing studio?"

" I'd opt for breaking it down but that's illegal, try calling someone."

" I don't carry my phone around when I'm at the studio remember, use yours."

I took out my cell and dialed a few of my friends, " no answer."

" if reliable had a photo it would be you phoning your friends."

" Whatever, I'll just message them and when they're done they'll pop over."

" sure."

I sat across the room, in Infront of her. We were always near each other but the atmosphere was not on our side that night.

" I'm freezing and you choose to sit, five thousand miles away."

" As a man, I should keep my distance especially if I feel like I can't control myself.

I tossed my jacket to her watching her stick her tongue out at me.

" childish much."

She mimicked my voice Rolling her eyes.

" Don't make me come over there!"

" and do what?"

I rushed over to her as she leaped up running away, I tripped over and fell on top of her. Time stopped for that moment, I felt my heartache, blood rush to my cheeks, her eyes trapping me inside of them... I quickly stood up at the sound of the door unlocking.

" Are you kids okay?" the security guard asked as I scratched the back of my head.

" yes, we're fine. Thank you for opening for us uncle." She quickly replied walking towards the door, "let's get going?"

How am I supposed to be around someone that's driving me nuts, the nuts that makes you want to be with her, but not as her friend?