Not a loser

'Evan, where are you?' I shouted to my brother.

We neighbourhood kids were playing hide and seek. I was the youngest of everyone and hence they tricked me into being the tagger.

I counted to 30 and everyone vanished into the thin air. Hide and seek was supposed to be a fun game, but I felt isolated every time my mates abandoned me to hide and stand against me to win the game.

After searching for many minutes, I couldn't find any soul to tag. I felt sad with my failure and hence shouted to my brother, "Evan,"

There was a long silence after my call, only the sound of twigs rustling from the wind could be heard. The silence was a long poison before I felt like crying.

My nose began to tickle and my eyes filled with water. Lumps grew in my throat and I was on the verge of crying. "Evan!"

"I am here, stop crying you fool." He said.

And there he stood my beautiful brother, with a beautiful smile on his face. The lamps in the room cast a yellow glint on his face, foreshadowing the dark circles underneath his eyes.

"Evan..." I whispered in disbelief.

"Venesa, you're still a failure, aren't you?" Evan said. Those words hurt me when I heard them for the first time. But after he repeated the same words for years, it didn't impact me as it had done before.

He slowly stood up from the sofa and paced towards me. The smile still lingered on his face, even after defaming me for being a loser. I wanted to run away but was frozen to the place with goosebumps all over my arms.

My knees became too weak to balance my weight and hence I held onto the door knob for support.

I saw my brother approaching me, gradually each step ahead of other at a slower pace, but his shoes didn't click on the ground.

"Why didn't you stop me from going to the River Festival?" He asked.

I didn't reply. I had been answering the same question for more than hundreds of times. But he didn't heed it.

"You knew what would have happened, didn't you?"

Now his voice sounded uncomfortably close. I tried to look at his face but then, a hand clasped on my neck.

My breath stuck in my lungs and tears began to form with suffocation.

"Evan, I love you," I said. That was the only thing I could say to him, he wouldn't believe that I didn't kill him.

But I felt his hand clasping harder and restraining every one of my blood vessels to pass blood to the brain.

"Mr Bright!" I heard a shrilling cry from the kitchen.

With difficulty, I turned my face towards the kitchen to look at Saily, my stepmom who was looking at me with a horror expression. She called my father again.

I heard rushed footsteps from upstairs and saw my father twinning the Saily's look.

"Viny, did you see Evan again?" He asked.

It took time for me to seep through the question but after a few moments, I realised that I was the one clasping myself, breathing hard with difficulty and tears overflowing from my eyes.

I freed myself from my hands and slumped on the ground sliding through the door. The air around me felt suffocating and I began to sob.

A few years after Evan's death, it was a daily series of me acting as such in the house. After medication, the series dropped by many but after a stressful day in the office, I still suffer from it.

"I am worried that you will have to quit your job." I heard my father. Again, 'leave the job' statement but this time, my father didn't mean it the Gale meant, it was just a father concerned about his daughter. It was a cruel statement to hear but deep down I knew that I couldn't take it, leaving the job would relieve me from physical and mental stress.

But what is a person who gives up?

A loser.

"I will never leave this job," I said between my sob. I didn't want to be a loser, I wanted to prove Evan wrong. I wanted to give him justice with the other who suffered from the genocide. And I wanted to be free from the shackles of guilt.

___

The night passed away like a flash. My father fed me forcefully when I told him didn't have the appetite. 

Next, Dad and Saily took my balance on their shoulder even when I mentioned that I could walk and left me on my bed.

I took a bath, made my bed and took the stress medicine my doctor recommended me to have a good sleep.

And now I was sitting on my bed and enjoying the view of dew from my window. The moisture twinkled as the sun hit their facade. A morning with this kind of view promised a good day.

My shift started at six past thirty. I looked at the analog clock and realised, there was only one hour left.

I quickly got out of bed, brushed my teeth, put on my dress and headed toward downstairs.

"Good morning sweetheart." My father said.

"Good morning, Commander Bright!" I said sitting next to him at the dining table.

The maid served us a bowl full of rice, eggs and a fermented side dish.

"Yesterday you seemed quite determined to not let me work on Ghost City's case," I said.

Father stopped his chewing motion and looked at me. I too looked at him in the hope of an answer. But again he resumed his activity and didn't reply.

"Papa, I am asking you something."

"I will give the case to someone who will be eligible to work on it. Simply, you're not eligible to work on this case."

"Fine..." I nodded my head. I didn't know if what he said was valid or not, but I can't argue further.

"I heard someone was shot in the Roseground Subway."

"Yes, a girl. Maybe in her early or mid-20s."

"Any clue who could be the criminal?"

"Her lover, who it might be, stands the highest chance of being the murderer. I even found a ring on the bridge."

"What ring was it?"

"Didn't survey, I handed it directly to Lieutenant Jake."

"Can you two stop talking about murder on a good Friday morning?" Saily scolded from the kitchen.

We immediately paused our discussion and ate our food quietly.

___

I reached the office and registered my name on the counter.

Afterwards, I directly went to Lieutenant Jake's office. I knocked on the door and heard him, "Come in."

"Lieutenant Jake" I saluted him. 

"Venesa," he nodded and took out the ring from his drawer. " Please be seated, I have some important updates for you."

I sat at one of his chairs and anticipated for him to speak, "What is it?"

"The ring you bought me yesterday is one of the Ghost's valuable assets."