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DC: I am Batman

Adam, a regular guy, gets flung not just through time, but through dimensions, and BAM! He's the Caped Crusader himself. Except... he didn't sign up for the genius IQ, the ninja moves, or the whole "saving the world" gig. And the cherry on top? He gets Batman's powers and memories, but they're all from parallel universes. Talk about a batty situation! .......... Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the fanfic i was merely translating this. ---This is a Translation--- Original Author: Mr. Bone Frame

LIl_wretch · Tranh châm biếm
Không đủ số lượng người đọc
39 Chs

One Minute

"You're telling me you found Batman in this ordinary van on the side of the road?"

"Yeah, that's right.""And you thought he was a fake, so you tried to rob him, and then Batman's hand turned into a wheel and knocked you out?""Exactly.""Ha!""Look, cousin, I know it sounds crazy, but...""Shut up! You've gone bonkers from reading too many comics. If there's really a Batman in there, I'll eat this crowbar right here!""Don't go, cuz! He's really in there!"Knock knock knock!The thug's cousin knocked on the van door three times before it slid open.The thug watched in astonishment as Batman stepped out of the van, locked the door, and then transformed into a sleek, bat-shaped SUV. The tires squealed as it sped away, disappearing in the blink of an eye.A gust of wind whipped past, leaving the thug and his crew standing in stunned silence.After a long moment, one of them finally whispered in awe, "Holy crap! Sweet baby Jesus! All these years, I thought Batman just drove the Batmobile, but I never realized that Batman is the Batmobile!"

...….

Tattooed Man's swagger oozed confidence, both from the front and in profile.

His intricate tattoos and cocky grin radiated a "Master" aura.Deadshot couldn't help but second-guess himself. Had he misjudged this guy?But no matter how he looked at it, Tattooed Man's movements were sloppy, his stance loose. His muscles were impressive, but his demeanor lacked any real menace, appearing even less threatening than Slipknot.Honestly, Deadshot thought he wasn't even as imposing as the late Javelin, who at least had been an Olympic-level athlete with multiple javelin championships under his belt.Could this guy really be a hidden powerhouse?Tattooed Man ripped off his shirt, revealing a chaotic jumble of tattoos, depicting all manner of things.In that moment, he resembled nothing more than a common street thug. But the tattoo on his back, writhing as if alive, could no longer be ignored.Bane paused, casually tossing the unconscious Killer Croc aside and tensing his muscles.The Cat had returned. Thanks to her acrobatic reflexes and flexible body, she had escaped serious injury, though covered in dust. Crouched on the ground, she tried to regain her strength as quickly as possible.Grrr...A massive tiger lunged at Bane! It leaped through the air, claws extended, jaws wide!With a swift sidestep, Bane dodged the attack, sending the tiger tumbling like a kicked puppy, its bones shattered.Uh... Ah, never mind, Tattooed Man conjured a colossal mammoth! Impressive!Bang! The mammoth, weighing several tons, was flipped by Bane, its skull caved in by a series of devastating punches.Tattooed Man summoned a pack of wolves!All annihilated.He conjured a chimpanzee!The same fate as Slipknot.Tattooed Man tried again..."Damn it! I'm going all out!"Tattooed Man's face hardened. He turned to Deadshot and said, "Buy me some time."Deadshot readily agreed. Although Tattooed Man's conjurations had proven largely ineffective, his status as a metahuman offered a glimmer of hope."I can probably stall this behemoth for 30 seconds," Cat chimed in, her voice cutting through the chaos like a shard of moonlight. "As long as I avoid direct confrontation."Deadshot added, "With my help, we can stretch that to at least a minute.""I only need twenty seconds," Tattooed Man declared, his body trembling. Deadshot watched as a Western dragon tattoo on his chest writhed and contorted, as if trying to break free.This sight boosted Deadshot's confidence.Boom!Bane's fist slammed into the ground, shattering the reinforced concrete like a spiderweb. Cat narrowly dodged with a move that would make Olympic gymnasts weep, but the flying debris pelting her body and leaving her shaken.

"Can your venom toxin work on it?" Hearing the employer's question in the headset, Cat wrinkled her nose in disdain, though the mask hid her expression.

"Venom? I don't do venom, love. That's more of a reptilian thing, innit?""Huh?"Adam was taken aback. In every Batman comic he'd read, venom toxin was Cat's signature weapon.But he wisely kept silent, as Bane closed in on the tattooed man with brutal efficiency."Open fire!" Deadshot yelled, rolling and firing, desperately trying to distract Bane. "Fuck, I knew this money is not so easy to make!"

Cursing, he yelled, "Where's the Ventriloquist, damn him? Hiding again? Come out and join us!"

Bane was irritated by the bullets that kept hitting his eyes. Deadshot looked up just in time to see a car's wreckage spinning towards him like a deadly frisbee. He yelped and dove for cover.Finally! The tattooed man's power-up was over!A western dragon burst from his chest!By the gods, a creature of pure fantasy! Black scales, grotesque wings, even spitting fire. Deadshot was so relieved, he nearly wept. Finally, some backup –Wait, why was the dragon the size of a Chihuahua?"Woof!"The moment the dragon emerged, it squatted down, sniffed the air, and stuck out its tongue like a puppy begging for treats."What the…?""Fuck. are you kidding me?!""I-I don't know what happened..." The tattooed man was sweating bullets. "This is the first time I've inked something this fantastical..."The next second, Bane crushed the miniature dragon underfoot."Game over."

Deadshot's heart sank as he turned and fled. There was no winning this fight.

His peripheral vision swept the carnage. The tattooed man, twisted like a ragdoll by Bane's fists, was out of commission.Killer Croc lay sprawled and bloodied like a discarded toy. He couldn't save them, so he wouldn't die trying.Cat was dancing a deadly ballet, narrowly dodging Bane's blows. Her time was running out."Deadshot, you must save your teammates. Cat and Killer Croc are losing their fight. You must..."Deadshot said nothing. He tossed his twin submachine guns, rocket launchers, ammo packs, and weapons onto the ground, lightening his load for a faster escape.He knew if he ran, Cat and Croc would die, effectively wiping out the newly formed Suicide Squad. The shadowy figures pulling the strings wouldn't be happy.He might face retaliation, his reputation might be tarnished, there could be severe consequences... but anything was better than dying here."Hang on!"A rush of wind filled his headset, as if the voice on the other end was riding some high-speed vehicle."Just one more minute, and... reinforcements will arrive!"Deadshot laughed bitterly at the absurdity."Bullshit!" He didn't even realize his voice was shaking.He looked at the behemoth who tossed cars like children's toys:"What kind of reinforcements could handle that monster? Who in Gotham has a chance against him?""Batman?"