Chapter 14: Depression

After the Shadow man's disappearance, I snuggled back in the warm bed. My mind swirled with the madness. Was I crazy? Was this real? The thoughts tangled as they morphed into even crazier dreams until the morning sunlight was streaming through my window through my ratty pink curtains. I blinked against the light realizing I was in my own bed.

I shot up. Was it all just a dream? My hand went to my neck as I ran to the bathroom. I blinked hard against the florescent blubs. As my eyes adjusted, dark purple marks stood stark against my skin. The sigh of relief I let out rivaled one that a women issued when seeing the negative sign on a pregnancy test. Instead, a growing tightness deeper in my guts grew as I traced the marks down my neck to my shoulder. There was even a bit of skinned areas outlined with teeth marks. I may not be crazy with hallucinations, but now maybe I was a bit crazy in a different way. That bit of madness seemed less daunting to tackle, almost exciting.

I pushed it all from my mind with a deep breath. I had to get going to work. Enough of this school girl silliness with a possible hallucination that left real marks. Whatever was going on, I had physical proof now.

After a shower and some sort-of clean clothes, I headed off to work. I shoved a bagel with cream cheese in my mouth as I walked. The sidewalk seemed a little brighter today. Was it the sun? Maybe it was the lightness I felt. I saw a man with blue hair and white eyes walking towards me on the sidewalk. I tried not to stare, but I knew he saw my eyes linger even if I couldn't tell he was looking at me. His top hat and trench coat begged for attention, yet no one on the street looked. My hand darted to my neck. Maybe this man was a hallucination. I had to check. I squeezed in closer as he passed. His coat brushed past my fingers. I still couldn't completely rule him out as a figment, but I had felt it. So either my mind was making up visual and physical, or something else impossible was going on.

The more I walked, the more I looked. The more I looked, the more I saw just that, the impossible. Short, tall, wild colors, and even talking animals. It was like Halloween, but were the masks were real? My heart began to stutter in my chest. What if I just accepted what I was seeing was real? What did that mean?

I stopped. I rolled up the sleeve on my jacket. The angry red mark swirled up my arm. Was this part of it? If I could just entertain the idea. If I could just let myself believe in the impossible then... then what? The mark let me see things that other couldn't? The shadow man was real. And he had saved me from suicide, and from the darkness. Holy crap. The darkness. It was real. I had almost let myself get killed by it, like Mila. The thought made my blood run cold. Worse than that though, thoughts of Mila froze me even more. Rent. If I didn't make rent, if I didn't find a way home every night, I would be out in the dark with it.

My feet started moving again. I was at the store so quick I almost ran into the locker room. I stared into the mirror on the wall admiring the bruises on my neck.

"What are you looking at?" The manager asked. "Did you get a bug bite?"

I shot him a look. Did he not see them? "What do you see?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. Are you feeling okay?"

I couldn't choke words out. He didn't see them. I was seeing things that he wasn't. Maybe I was crazy. My stomach sunk. "Yes," I muttered as I followed him out.

"It's great to have Mila back, isn't it?" He asked.

"What?" I stopped dead in my tracks. A platinum blond hair, small framed woman stood with her back to me. She turned.

"Kira!" She said in her familiar peppy cheer.

I stammered.

She sprinted towards me then pulled me into a hug. I couldn't move. She. Was. Dead. What? What the hell?

"They let me out of the hospital on good behavior." She laughed. "I thought I would come and surprise everyone at work."

My mouth worked at silent words. I could even manage a squeak.

Her lips pouted. "You didn't visit me at the hospital." She slapped my cheek playfully. "But that's okay. I know how you are about hospitals after your mom. Come on, let's start another day together."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me after.

I couldn't get over my shock. I worked the cashier counter with such wooden movements and a robotic voice that the patrons were asking me if I was okay. I couldn't take my eyes off the blonde the next counter over. The back of her hair was the same as ever. She sounded her normal peppy and cheerful self, but something about her movements gave me that uncanny feeling you get when you see a too real-looking robot. My mind swirled. I was crazy. I had made all this up.

My shift neared its end. Mila had gotten off an hour earlier. I had seen countless odd looking people, but no one but me turned a head. Mila was alive and I was seeing weird ass things. At least rent would be paid. One problem solved and now I was faced with an unsolvable one.

I entered the locker room. I again was the last one to leave. The darkness waited for me outside. I was crazy, Mila was alive, and I had nothing to hold on to. I stared in the mirror. Where had these bruises on my neck come from?

I locked the door and faced the dreaded empty parking lot. My mind had made all this up. I was going to be as crazy as my mother. I had nothing to live for. I was nothing. I am nothing. I will always be nothing,

I stepped into the darkness. There was nothing to fear now. I was the only thing to fear. I was lost. I was alone. I had even made up some crazy man to save me from myself. I could feel it behind me, the darkness. My throat tightened. My body shivered. It was following me. It was right there behind me. It was me.

The cold tingling sensations crawled up my ankles, slowing my steps. The wall of dark clouds pressed in around me. My body freaked. I ran.

The darkness wrapped around my ankles pulling me down. I tripped as I ran. The pavement came at me full force tearing into my last pair of intact slacks. It covered me swallowing me in deep waves of dark clouds. Everything went black as my vertigo swam. I didn't know which way was up as I thrashed. I couldn't feel the ground anymore. I felt like I was falling even as I slowed my movements. My stomach knotted with queasiness. I didn't know how long I fell. It felt eternal. It felt like I was falling in the depths of an ice cold volcano.

And I must have actually been falling because the floor hit me hard. My lungs spasamed as the air was knocked loose from them. I rolled to my hands and knees. The floor felt cold beneath my palms as I gasped for breath. The cold darkness lifted. Faint orange light filtered through the haze. I lifted my eyes, forcing them to adjust. It was more than darkness but at the same time so much less. The emptiness around me echoed forever, only the stone beneath me gave it substance.

When my lungs recovered, I stumbled to my feet. Without anything to focus on, my vision swam throwing me dangerously off balance.

"Kira," a familiar female voice sang.

Why was it so familiar?

"Kira," it spoke again and I realized it wasn't singing but echoing.

I spun around. A figure coalesced in the distance. I would have recognized it anywhere. The luxurious curly hair framed her exquisite figure. She glided towards me.

"Mo... Mother?" I exhaled.

"Yes, my dearest."

I must have lost my mind completely. Or this was a dream, right?

She glided closer to me. Her beautiful features sharpened at her approach. "My dearest, you have to save her."

"Who?"

Her hand reached out and cupped the side of my cheek. Her hands were ice cold. "Mila."

"Mila?" My mind raced. I felt so hazy. The memory of my dead friend being pulled into the darkness suddenly struck me so hard I couldn't breathe.

"Yes, my dear, sweet Mila. You must save her."

"But she's back,"

Isabell cocked her head to the side. "Is she?"

My brow furrowed. "That wasn't Mila was it? She was all wrong."

Mother nodded. "Look for the man in black. He will lead you to the items you need to save her. You must perform the ritual to bring her back."

"The man in black," I murmured thinking of the mysterious shadow man.

Mother started to drift away.

"Wait!" I called after her. "Mother!"

"Find him. Save your friend."

Her figure faded from view. My vision swam. I lost my balance and fell to the floor, but the floor wasn't there. I fell and fell, my eyes desperately grasping for something to orient myself, but nothing appeared. The orange light faded and the cold darkness enveloped me.