10

We rented a car for tonight. Daniel is the driver and I am the co-driver. To the left the forest opens up, and to the right an elevation of earth crowned by bushes. With the flashlight I illuminated the rocky wall and made figures with the shadow of my free hand: A dog; A goose; A dog again. Iggy Pop's The Passenger plays on the radio. Daniel'sgloved fingers fiddle the steering wheel to the beat of the song, tonight he's wearing a tank top, Exactly, there's a full moon, and the web of scars on his arms glistens in all its glory.

"Do you want to give him special treatment or will it be done quick and clean?"

"That's the fourth time you've asked me" I replied.

"I feel like a little kid with a new present. You understand my excitement?"

I understood.

A bump in the road makes us bounce, at the same time we hear a loud bang in the trunk. I turned off the flashlight, put it between my legs, looked at Daniel and asked him:

"Do you regret anything we did?"

"Drinking? Drugs? Sex? Killing?" He looks at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Hm... Eating"

"Well, it gave me indigestion. Let's not do that so often, or let's try someone alive and see if they taste better. I'm glad. Sorry? Never. Why the curiosity?"

"We hurt people"

"So what's wrong? Do you mind?"

"No. As simple as that"

"Then everything's fine. Come here"

Daniel puts an arm around me and pulls me close. I rest my head on his shoulder. His scars feel rough against my cheek, but I'm more comforted by the sensation than bothered. His skin, the warmth, the heartbeat... It reminds me that we are alive. I bring my mouth closer, touch his neck with my lips. He laughs, tells me I tickle him. I smile, but the smile disappears when out of the corner of my eye I notice the shadow of a car in the right mirror. As I blink, the spectral vehicle vanishes like an illusion.

For several days now the veil of my reality has been torn away. I decided to let those mirages pass, and paid no more attention to the phantom pursuer, nor to the sight of Jeff in the rearview mirror, occupying the middle of the back seats. Despite my indifference, Jeff kept watching me, his black pupils enlarging and dwarfing as if the water in his eyes were boiling.

"I'm going crazy" I mutter.

Daniel listens and lets out a laugh.

"We're despicable, Joshua. But crazy? Of course we're not. We're the sanest people on the planet. The quest for death brought us together that day on the rooftop, and today the death became our answer to make sense of this life that has no meaning. Shall I tell you that if I had been a lunatic...? Ignore the call"

Park in a dirt lot flanked by a thorny bush shaped like a C. We open the trunk. Nina, gagged at mouth, feet and hands, watches us back with furious eyes. A trickle of blood trickles down her forehead from the bounce earlier. Daniel and I share glances.

"Remember, it will be done quickly" I said.

"Okay, I understand, Mr. Killjoy"

I took the shovels, put the wooden plank under my arm, and used the flashlight to lead the walk. Daniel carries Nina on his shoulders, following as close as he can. I cut my way through the bushes with the shovels, the occasional thorn leaving its souvenir tip in my skin. Nina's grumbling sounds contrasted with my companion's laughter, excited about a new tribute for our sacrificial temple. We walk until we get a safe distance from the road.

The creatures of nature are absent that night, perhaps spooked by the corpse pit atmosphere that our fourth companion drags along. Jeff lets out a barrage of unintelligible mutterings that, when I raise my ear, I manage to turn into a coherent phrase that repeats itself.

Healthy mind eats apple. Healthy mind eats apple. Healthy mind eats apple...

"Do you hear that?" I asked.

"It's a silent night. Nina, do you hear something? Oh, right, you can't talk. Silly me. And silly of you for lying to us, you fucking bitch"

Daniel lays Nina down on a fallen log. She doesn't have her smile anymore, it left her the moment she came out of the dream and found us in her room. I'm sure she thought we were the work of her unbalanced mind, and in record time we made her understand that, unlike her prince, we are a danger of flesh and blood.

I pushed the dead leaves of the trees aside and with both hands I nailed the wooden plank into the ground. On the front face of the plank are written the words Here rests Jeff, in permanent marker. We took the shovels and dug so that we had a hole about three feet deep, maybe a little more.

"We're getting attention from the newspapers" Daniel says without stopping working.

"Did we say goodbye to Wisconsin?"

"Not yet. First let's get a good truck, some money and settle the matter of your mother. Without her it'll be harder to track us down"

"Where are we going?"

"New Mexico. If things get complicated, we'll cross the border and drive far south. In the third world killing is easier. Also the food is excellent"

"You seem very interested in food these days"

"My chef skills have finally blossomed, Joshua"

I am fascinated by the purr with which he pronounces my name.

New territories, new victims. The bloody footprints mark the land and continue until they are lost on the horizon. The moon tonight celebrates the music that flows from the piano played by the bony hands of the corrupt, but in this concert the worldly and ignorant only hear the wind blowing. Their song begins to make sense only if you pay attention.

The ghost chuckles behind my back. Is that you, Jeff? No... Jeffrey Allen Woods is not Jeff. I bet Jeffrey was a good, loving and, despite his mistakes, innocent boy. But his death degenerated into crime and sin. A less human entity emerged, sympathetic to suffering.

Or perhaps it is an evil that existed before Jeffrey, as old as the divinities, an unholy power that merely usurped the boy's face. He who waters and harvests horror is a blinding white reaper.

Is there evil in the human heart? Sure. What does it take to squeeze it out until that blackish, putrid substance flows between the cracks of the battered? Just a story. Or a random impulse caught. A bad day. Hatred. Abandonment. Infidelity. Illness. The desire to commit suicide. Any trifle serves as an excuse.

Face violent death, let it bathe you and seduce you with the perfumes that pour from sweaty and living bodies during torture. A chorus more beautiful than any gem or utopian landscape.

Murder. Homicide. Annihilation. Massacre. Extermination. It is necessary to see how many words exist to refer to cause the end of life. Didn't I already tell you? Our language is enchanted by the act of killing.

How much life shines when death approaches. Murder is our vow of love. So do it... It's always just a step away. A line as fine and fragile as a corpse's hair. The homicidal candle lights lonely on the dark side of every heart, illuminating the demons within. A tiny, pale flame that trembles with every beat. And so we live, covered in alcohol and bleach, waiting for the tiny flame to give way to combustion.

In the end we find the truth, Daniel, dear friend. The answer that is yours and mine.

Healthy mind eats apple. Healthy mind eats apple. Healthy mind eats apple...

I shook the shovel and hit him in the back of the head with the thin end. Daniel fell face first into the damp earth, into the hole. I jumped to him, and without waiting for him to turn around, I delivered another blow to his skull. He flails in convulsions until, grabbing the shovel with both hands, I plunge the point into his head.

Blood gushes from the ground and fills the hole rapidly until it covers the body. Howling faces float in the growing crimson lake, hurl curses at the sky and reach out their hands to pull me into hell. I crawl out of the hole and lay my back on the fallen log, panting.

Nina is nowhere to be seen.

Above the forest rises a flat-faced, whitish giant. His figure hides the moon and overtakes the mountains. He bends down, transforming his eyes and his smile into my sky. From his corneas he expels a reddish light that bathes nature, giving it the beauty of the walls of the heart.

I throw my head back and let out a lot of laughter, laugh until tears come to my eyes and my throat spews fire. Jeff laughs with me. It deafens me.

The earth trembles. Souls deflect their curses at him, at it. They whirl turned into spheres of light, burn with hatred the black shafts that fall to the sides like inky waterfalls. But these grow back and Jeff's laughter reaches such a pitch that my consciousness threatens to shut down.

"Hey, smart guy!"

A firm, human voice brings me back to reality. I rub my eyes, calm my breathing, and stand up with the help of the shovel. I looked at the remnants of gray matter on the tip and deduced that it's all real. Finally I took a look at the source of the voice.

Nina is behind the man. He, who gave me a vague impression of having seen him before (Maybe on TV), points a gun at me. The moon resumes its rule. The lake of blood evaporates like a dream, and in its place is left a hole occupied by the corpse of the person I loved most.

To you my confidants, witnesses and to some extent accomplices of my sins: I admit complete satisfaction.

I close my eyes, tighten my grip on the shovel, and run toward the man. The gun roars.

Time to sleep forever.