Chapter 1 — The Prelude To The Prelude (16)

Mother attempted to speak, but no words escaped her lips. She was unable to utter a sound.

As she remained silent, my former self's lips curled into a malicious grin. "Ah, I see. So you too are disappointed in me."

"W-wait! That's not—" Mother stuttered.

"It's quite obvious, isn't it? Inevitable, even. I've heard tales of Father and Mother's incredible feats as adventurers, so it's only natural for you both to be disappointed that your child couldn't live up to the same level of greatness as you."

"I-I understand where you're coming from, Leon, but we're not—" Mother tried to explain, moving closer to him and reaching out her arms to embrace him, but he pushed her away.

"Don't say you understand me! You and Father are great adventurers, with incredible abilities and skills. Even Grandfather was known as a great leader of the entire republic. And then there's Sirius and Marcus, both prodigies in their own right. But unlike all of you, I have nothing! I can never become the hero I've always dreamed of being!"

My former self collapsed to the floor, tears streaming down his face. Mother was at a loss for words.

"...So, don't try to tell me you understand me! You don't know me! You have no idea what I'm going through!"

Mother lowered her gaze. It was true. She couldn't possibly comprehend the depth of his emotions. Those with power could never truly understand those without.

"I'm sorr—"

"...I don't want to hear anything right now. Please, just give me some time alone," he interrupted.

Mother stood motionless for a few moments before finally turning her back to my former self.

"I'll bring your food to you. Please try to eat something," she said before making her way to the door.

From the hallway, I heard my three-year-old sister's voice pipe up, "No bwothew?"

Mother's voice shook with sadness as she responded, "I couldn't find the words to say to him."

"It might be best to give him some space. He's our son, he's strong, and I'm sure he'll bounce back soon," my father's voice chimed in.

"You're right. Time heals all wounds, after all," Mother agreed.

Their footsteps echoed down the stairs as they left the room. I turned my gaze towards my former self, whose eyes seemed to be fixated on nothing in particular. It was difficult to discern what he was truly looking at, or if he was looking at anything at all.

I heard footsteps approaching from the stairs once again, and soon enough, Mother appeared with a tray of food in her hands.

"Uh... Here's your food. Please try to eat something," she murmured.

My former self remained unresponsive, his gaze fixed on some distant point in space. Mother lingered for a moment, her eyes filled with concern, before eventually turning to leave the room once more. The door closed with a gentle click, plunging the already dark room into an even deeper shadow.

It was then that I began to notice that the emotions surrounding this dream were darkening even further. The once indistinguishable emotions were now becoming clearer, and I could feel their negative energy swirling around me.

It was a mixture of emotions, a whirlpool of negativity that was slowly eroding all the positivity that should have been present.

I could feel the emotions of loathing, shame, desperation, impatience, anger, and fear swirling around in this pure white canvas of memories, merging together to form something indescribable. As the emotions grew stronger, they began to darken, like black ink slowly spreading through white parchment, tainting the once-pure white space with their negativity.

Suddenly, a voice echoed through the darkness.

"I wasn't weak. I wasn't pathetic! I refuse to acknowledge that. I need power. I have to become stronger. Better. Strong enough for the rest of the world to know me. I want to become like that. I will prove that I can become like that."

I didn't know why, but my former self's thoughts seemed to be reverberating through the darkness, and I could hear them clearly. As he thought those words, the darkness spread through the once-pure white space, tainting it with a deep shade of black.

"They were all wrong about me. They wrote me off as weak and incompetent, but they haven't seen what I'm capable of. I know I'm destined for greatness. I will become a hero, just like the ones my mother used to tell me about."

Suddenly, the white space surrounding me was consumed by a pitch-black darkness.

"I will prove them all wrong. I'm not weak, and I will become a hero. Just wait and see."

My former self curled up into a ball, and the darkness enveloped him completely.

"A subconscious longing to be someone extraordinary," the girl chimed in, a playful grin on her lips. "That's the part of yourself you've been overlooking, Leon. It's your reality."

"...My reality?" I asked, perplexed.

"Yes, your reality," she repeated. "The truth that you have been denying and avoiding for so long."

I lapsed into silence, unsure of how to respond. Her words had struck a chord within me, but I still couldn't comprehend what she was trying to convey. What was this reality she spoke of? I had no idea.

"The truth is, Leon," the girl teased, a glint in her eye, "you crave strength, heroism, and the protection of the weak. You long to vanquish evil and halt their wicked deeds."

That's right. I had a childhood dream of becoming a hero, which may seem childish, but it was a strong feeling that I held onto.

"But when you realized that you didn't have the innate talent for it, you grew impatient and began training yourself tirelessly every day. You swung your practice sword with fierce determination, and worked tirelessly to improve your proficiency in magic. Yet, despite all your efforts, improvement eluded you in the end."

"..."

"So then, that impatience you were feeling turned into pure frustration. You started thinking that all this training was pointless and that you couldn't become truly great just by practicing. So, you thought, maybe if you could become the successor instead, that would make you the crème de la crème. Everyone would look up to you, and you'd be the talk of the town! That's why when that boy Marcus became the successor, you just had to challenge him to a duel, didn't you? How naughty!"

I had been holding my tongue, but I couldn't take it anymore.

"Hold on, you've got it all wrong. I challenged Marcus because I didn't think he was fit to be the successor," I corrected her, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. But the slight quiver in my voice betrayed my frustration.

"Let's not kid ourselves, Leon. You didn't challenge Marcus just because you thought he wasn't fit to be the successor. No, no, no," she teased, a sly grin playing on her lips. "You did it because you secretly wanted to claim that title for yourself. Admit it, you were itching to prove that you were the better candidate!"

As I listened to her words, I couldn't help but question my true motives for challenging Marcus. Was becoming the successor really what I had been after all along? However, I quickly dismissed the thought and shook my head, as if to physically shake off the doubts.

"Ah, but Marcus refused your challenge, didn't he? Said it was a waste of his precious time!" the girl giggled, enjoying her tale. "And that's when the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head. You started feeling jealous of Marcus—all that praise he was getting for being a prodigy, without even trying! And it didn't stop there. You grew jealous of anyone who outshone you, didn't you? Even that boy Sirius, with his impressive magic skills, got under your skin."

As I listened to her words, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of doubt. Sure, I had felt envious of Marcus, but I had never harbored such feelings towards anyone else.

"Oh, but your jealousy didn't stop there, did it, Leon? It turned into an all-consuming desperation to surpass them," the girl said, a hint of amusement in her voice. "You swung that sword a thousand times a day and memorized every magic incantation under the sun. People laughed and mocked you for your efforts, but you ignored them all. You were convinced that if you just worked hard enough, you could outshine them all. You were determined to prove them wrong and show that you could surpass not only Marcus but even Sirius himself."

"But let me tell you, dear Leon," she continued, her tone dripping with condescension. "All that swinging and memorizing wasn't perseverance. It was sheer desperation. You were so desperate to achieve greatness that you couldn't see the forest for the trees. And despite all your efforts, you still remained stagnant, unable to improve. Oh, you poor, misguided soul."

Truth be told, I didn't believe a word of what she was saying. But the unwavering certainty in her voice and the piercing gaze of her eyes made me doubt the validity of my own thoughts. It was as if she had stripped me bare and peered into the very depths of my soul, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable. Every word she spoke seemed to resonate with an unsettling sense of truth.

"Every man harbors some darkness in their hearts, whether they acknowledge it or conceal it from the world. And you, Leon, are no exception. You carry a darkness within you, an unacknowledged desire to become someone great - a hero, like the ones your mother used to tell you about. It is a wish that stems from the depths of your heart."

I denied, "That's not true."

With a mischievous giggle, the girl challenged me, "Can you really deny it? Look around, Leon. This place is a reflection of what lies within you - your heart. And the darkness within you is evident here."

Perplexed, I asked, "What are you trying to say?"

She clarified, "I already told you, this is a world within you, and more specifically, it is your heart. Look around and see for yourself. And I'm afraid it's not a pretty sight, Leon. Your heart is shrouded in darkness."

As I gazed into the distance, darkness stretched out as far as the eye could see. Initially, the space had been white, but I now realized that was likely because I couldn't remember my identity. However, as my memories returned and I regained awareness of who I was, the once-white expanse had transformed back into a dark void. This explanation made sense to me, at least.

"So, do you now comprehend how piti—?"

The girl's words were cut short as I unconsciously interrupted her, "Enough. I don't want to hear any more of this."

My own voice came out colder than I had intended, and even I was taken aback by the emotionless tone.

Despite my reaction, the girl remained unfazed, responding with a playful chuckle, "Fufu, you're quite amusing when you're angry, Leon. However, I'm afraid I cannot comply with your request. You must hear me out, no, you need to hear me out."

Despite my best efforts to convince her otherwise, she remained stubborn and unyielding. In light of this, I realized that I needed to address a question that had been on my mind ever since she had brought up my innermost desire.

"Tell me," I asked, my tone laced with frustration, "why are you doing all of this?"

She paused, placing a finger thoughtfully on her cheek, attempting to look cute. But to me, it was anything but cute.

"To make you realize how miserable you are, I suppose," she answered, a hint of a smirk playing at the corner of her lips.

"You..."

I felt an unpleasant emotion stir within me, causing the very space we were in to tremble.

"You don't need to put on such a scary expression. It's crucial to know the truth if you truly want to become the heroes you aspire to be," the girl said, smirking. "So, let me ask you again. Will you turn a blind eye to your reality even when it's right in front of you?"