The Morning After - II

"Coffee for everyone. To wake ---" Justin stopped mid-sentence on entering the living room with the coffee mugs in his hand. As soon as he saw us he looked back and forth between us and could sense the tension hanging in the air. To my relief, he decided not to comment on it. However, he glanced at me to silently ask through his eyes if there was a problem. When I did not attempt to reply, we heard a loud thud from the master bedroom and someone rushing to the bathroom. It was followed by the sound of Sarah emptying the contents of her stomach over the toilet. "Well that's my cue," Justin said pointing a thumb in the direction of the sound. He placed the mugs on the coffee table. "Help yourself" he uttered with an unsure glance towards both of us. Yet he didn’t stick around for long and walked inside to check up on Sarah.

I moved quickly when I felt Rishi reach for the doorknob again. I stopped him by pulling his hand away from it. "Stop it Rishi” I stated sternly. “Stop running away. No matter what you think, I still consider ourselves friends. I just want you to be safe" I managed softly trying hard to mask the crackle in my voice as his earlier comment had stung. Doesn’t matter if it was the truth. It still hurt to hear it out loud. Especially from him. Upon hearing my words, something inside him appeared to have shattered, and he responded with sharp anger apparent in his tone.

"Oh yeah? You call us friends? Friends don't run away from each other when they have problems. In fact, when you are facing some difficult times in your life you automatically turn to your friends for support. They are the ones who never judge you or pressure you to make decisions. They just give you the time and space you need to get your shit together. But looks like you never considered us your friends. You never believed in us. I know you wanted to get as far away from that guy as possible. I know you were not ready to face him one more day without feeling pain. But damn it Aadhira. You should have at least let us be there for you. Do you have any idea how worried we were? Do you know how long and how far we searched for you? Hell, we didn't even know if you were alive or buried somewhere six feet under. Now you dare ask me to pour my problems to you when you have done the exact opposite." I could see it clear as day how he was fuming by then, heaving in angry breaths at the end of his tirade and his eyes burning me alive. "Fuck you. I don't need your pity" he cussed and reached for the doorknob again.

As he was about to march out of the apartment, the door opened automatically to reveal Kyle whistling his way in with a cheery beat to his step. He stopped for a second surprised and confused to see us both standing at the doorway. Before he could enquire further, Rishi threw one last glare towards me and left the apartment bumping his shoulder hard on Kyle on his way out leaving me immobilised in a wave of guilt. "Ow! Well, Excuse you, jerk." Kyle called out after Rishi who was storming out like his pants were on fire. "Who the hell was that?" he asked me rubbing his shoulders as he walked past me into the apartment. I didn't give him a reply since my brain was busy replaying every word Rishi had uttered a few seconds ago.

Part of me knew that he had every right to be angry at me. And every word he had said was true. Still, his words stung. It pained me to the core to think that I had worried all my friends to that extent about my disappearance. I admit I was selfish. I never thought of my friends. I only fretted about myself and the pain suffocating me that I haven't thought about how my decisions would impact the people around me. People who still loved and cared for me. People who would do anything to see me happy.

Six years ago, I was not in a position to think about the situation with clarity. I just wanted to get away soon. For the good of both of us. It was already taking every ounce of my strength to walk out of my life, or at least what I considered as my life then. Even a two- week separation from him had got me down in the past. But to leave once and for all? I didn't know if I could survive that. Yet I knew I had to do it. It was the right thing to do.

I walked over to the sofa numbly and sat down with my mind still caught in a personal debate. By now Kyle had come over to sit beside me. Noticing that I was upset, he decided to remain silent and not poke me with questions. I finally convinced myself that I had no right to get back into Rishi’s life with the excuse of us being old friends when I was the one who had thwarted that relationship by running away. But that still doesn't mean I don't care for him. What if the guys who attacked him came for him again? What if he is caught in a bigger problem and he gets hurt? What if there is no one to help him the next time? My head was spinning with all those 'what ifs' and my headache due to my hangover was not helping the situation. I rubbed my eyes again to get rid of the bleariness. The rational part of my brain lectured me that I could do nothing about the situation until and unless Rishi decides to talk to me. The most I could do is pray to the Gods that he is safe.

I returned to my apartment after saying my goodbyes to Justin and Kyle. Sarah and Jason were still sleeping away their hangover when I left. Justin offered to drop me at my apartment before driving to the hotel he was staying in until he leaves for L.A. I accepted his offer and as I was about to get off from his car, he stopped me. He caught my hand, his sudden movement startling me, and said, "Don't stress yourself out too much. Everything will be alright sooner than you know it." He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze along with his usual attractive smile that had always hypnotized everyone. I realized that though he had no idea what was bothering my mind, he decided to offer some form of comfort. I felt grateful for his concern and his words seem to ease me a little. So I gave him a small smile as a reward even if I didn’t feel like smiling after that argument with Rishi.

Justin drove away to his hotel after dropping me off. I busied myself with cleaning my apartment and going to buy some groceries to stock my fridge with food for the upcoming week. I even tried to cook something when my stomach started to grumble with hunger pains and successfully made something partly edible. Throughout the day no matter how much I tried to keep myself occupied with some chore or the other, I found myself thinking about Rishi and worrying about him. Finally, I decided to turn in for the night switching off the TV as I was just staring at it without really seeing it for the past hour. All because my mind was occupied with so many other thoughts. It was still 9 PM, which was way earlier than my bedtime. But I don't have any more energy to stress on things I had no control over. My brain would be fried if I think anymore. So, I closed my eyes shut willing myself to sleep. I even gave counting sheep a try which was proving to have the opposite effect by keeping me awake. I was well above three thousand when I heard my cell phone ring from my bedside table waking me up. I rubbed my eyes and squinted to see who was calling me at this hour.

Recognising it as Kyle from the caller ID, I brought my phone to my ear and asked groggily, "What is it, Kyle?"

"Um, A. Sorry. Have you gone to bed already? Did I disturb you?" he asked when he realised I had gone to bed from my sleepy voice. "No. It's fine Kyle. I wasn’t asleep yet. What is it?" I asked sitting up against the headboard and clearing my throat. "Uhmm. Your friend is here. Can you come over?" he asked hesitantly making me wonder which friend he was talking about. When it hit me who he was referring to I felt my body freeze.

I was fully awake. Was that Rishi? What happened? After fuming out today morning I thought he wouldn't want to do anything with me. What drove him to come back looking for me? Was he hurt again? My mind was racing with all kinds of worst possible scenarios and I was starting to freak out. As soon as I realized none of my questions would be answered until I hear it from the said man himself, I replied quickly. "Kyle, just look after him for a while. I will be there in fifteen" I rushed before ending the call. I got out of my bed fast throwing back my covers and slipping into the first pair of t-shirt and jeans that I could get my hands on.

I was speeding through the roads breaking almost every traffic rule in the book with my heart beating fast and trying to lunge out of my mouth because of anxiety. As promised, I reached Kyle's apartment in the next fifteen minutes. I stumbled in pushing aside Kyle who had opened the door. Jason was standing with his arms crossed and watching Rishi like a hawk trying to analyze if he was a threat or not. I moved closer to get a good view of my friend seated on the couch. The sight of him sitting there with his head down and his shoulders sagged like he couldn't bear the weight of the world anymore made a pang of sadness bolt through my heart.

He seemed to be sick and tired of this world. He looked like he no more had the will to fight and his whole life was crumbling down suffocating him enough to make him breathless. I went to sit near him and that's when I noticed a piece of paper clutched in his hands so tight. It was as if he was fighting himself to not get emotional and tear it into pieces. I placed a hand on his shoulder to make him turn towards me and was shocked to see his eyes fill with tears threatening to fall. Never in my life had I seen Rishi this broken and never had he cried no matter how hard life had gotten for him. My worry was skyrocketing just by looking at the state he was in. I felt my heart constrict with pain when he broke down a second later.

Even though his words were muffled, my ears didn’t fail to pick it up when he managed to speak through the tears streaming down his face before he clutched onto me for dear life.

"She is gone Aadhira. She is gone."