CRITICAL RISK

G'day mates. I personally didn't vibe with this story. The grammar wasn't great, could use a bit of editing. It was hard to understand what was going on. The time skips were a bit too frequent and some of them didn't quite make sense. Ex. Towards the end of chapter 1.5, when Tomioka dies, there is a time skip back to 1945 that lasts for 6 lines and adds nothing, at least that I can see, to the story. The extra time skip just makes the story more confusing. The thing I liked least about this book, however, was the reaction of Tomioka's sister to him asking about her rapist. "Takeru-Remember that time you've been... "used"? Aiko's face immediately turns red as she is embarrassed to hear that again." I don't think Aiko would feel bashful or embarrassed towards the person who killed her mother in front of her then raped her. As a side note, it is kinda messed up for a "brother" to be interrogating his sister about this. It would make sense if this was what kind of character he was- someone who didn't understand/feel emotion, but it is clear by how mad he gets that he is indeed an average person, at least emotionally. I didn't see any reason behind him suddenly dodging bullets like he was from the matrix. There was no indication of him training to dodge bullets, maybe add something about him practicing to take revenge on his mother's murderer. Furthermore, the rapist randomly showing up while they are discussing them feels unnatural.

Honest review but with a humble tone. The story pacing is a bit rush but the meaning in each sentence does play off well in the end. I must say it is a good story and I'm sure that the author can improve even more.

Tiết lộ người tiết lộ thông tin

Yo! Here for a tough-love writing review for this novel. The story have a promise to kick off since the world background was good. Time skip? several timelines? —It was cool. However, I can still see the lack of style, I mean the construction of dialogues and how to control the pace. Try to not be fast Author-san! And also remember that try to justified the emotions of every character. For example his adopted sister who've gone worst experience, yeah being r*pe. She should not be embarrassed or what not, she should be scared and confused. Note that every character dialogues and gesture was very crucial so try to justified their actions and words, write the reasons on why they do it and why they talk about it. Anyways I cannot review much because I'm not good in reviewing! (heck even in school haha). Seriously though, this novel was great, the premise and the potential of this work was endless. Keep it up Author-san! [img=recommend]

I believe it is a good story. The MC is very interesting. I feel the book has a great potential. I can see how the story improved as I read further. Over all I like how the story goes.

If you can get past the first chapter and immerse yourself a little into the author's writing style, then what you'll find is a fast and frenetic action story that has the potential to kick off something truly special. The author might need to refine his writing style a little bit, but don't we all?

This story has a good premise, the MC is compelling. it has a lot of potential if the author can improve the grammar. It's a little fast paced, and while that worked kinda well for the first two chapters I hoped the author would have given it more time to mature.. all in all its a good read

Thanks for your review everyone. I couldn't improve my novel without you .Make sure you continue reading my novel sequel and other novels I have write it. Anyways, since this is my first novel, which everything seems odd, I promise the next sequel will be better. Thanks.

It's only 15 chapters which is rare in here but have to say I enjoyed them. Grammar has some problem but really, u kind of nerd something? never let grammar stops you from enjoying anything. Huhu. Keep on writing, story must be told.

The story is a bit too fast to follow but 5 star for great imagination. Very good attempt by the author. Please keep writing. [img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]