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OakFlame
OakFlameLv143yr
2021-10-28 10:13

G'day mates. I personally didn't vibe with this story. The grammar wasn't great, could use a bit of editing. It was hard to understand what was going on. The time skips were a bit too frequent and some of them didn't quite make sense. Ex. Towards the end of chapter 1.5, when Tomioka dies, there is a time skip back to 1945 that lasts for 6 lines and adds nothing, at least that I can see, to the story. The extra time skip just makes the story more confusing. The thing I liked least about this book, however, was the reaction of Tomioka's sister to him asking about her rapist. "Takeru-Remember that time you've been... "used"? Aiko's face immediately turns red as she is embarrassed to hear that again." I don't think Aiko would feel bashful or embarrassed towards the person who killed her mother in front of her then raped her. As a side note, it is kinda messed up for a "brother" to be interrogating his sister about this. It would make sense if this was what kind of character he was- someone who didn't understand/feel emotion, but it is clear by how mad he gets that he is indeed an average person, at least emotionally. I didn't see any reason behind him suddenly dodging bullets like he was from the matrix. There was no indication of him training to dodge bullets, maybe add something about him practicing to take revenge on his mother's murderer. Furthermore, the rapist randomly showing up while they are discussing them feels unnatural.

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AntiHero874
AntiHero874Author

i appreciate your review....and yes part one is a flop... try to read part 2

OakFlame
OakFlameLv14

Alright, So I was just reading over part two. The writing style is a bit better, but a lot of things are still pretty confusing. I have to say though, it does keep me interested. I keep reading, wondering what will happen next... will our main characters randomly start summoning spirits? Try to assassinate a rapist? Having children with your sister who just spawned in from the void? Anything could happen! This book would probably be an amazing read if you are on lsd.

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