Why I left

Looking back I find I was around eight years old when I stoped beileveing in god, because I had the thought that if god was good then why does he let so many people suffer when he could stop so much needless suffering, and I became vocal about my atheist beliefs at age 10. So that is when my family beileves that I stoped beileveing in god, and they won't beileve me if I say otherwise. Even after I stoped beileveing I was still forced to go to church for no real reason except that they beileved it was a phase, they probably still do. Even though I try and point out the contradictions of the bible and gods actions and preachers statements and other such things, they denie me the right to speak about and say things like " you shouldn't talk about god that way" and they try to shut me up and it works cause they cant listen to someone who just wants themselves to be heared and their ideas and thoughts recognized. And they wonder why I dont really to them about things like the way I feel and why I don't really talk to other people about these things because my family instealed the belief in me that if I talk about it then Im just gonna be shut up. The only person I can slightly honestly talk to is my therapist, even talking about somethings with her is difficult because I feel wrong talking about them.