13: Me

"It's red. Why is it red? My eyes. I can't see. Everything is red."

"You know why."

"Wh–– who are you?"

"God, you are stupid. I've always been here. In the background. A thought you thought was your own."

"That voice… don't tell me…"

"I'm you."

"W––what do you mean?"

"Well… to say I am you, that would be a bit of an understatement. I am you, but only in consciousness. You know when you are living your life and you hear a voice. You consider it a 'thought' right? Wrong. That voice is me. Your hatred. Your anger. Your self––loathing, pessimism. I am everything that makes you feel bad about yourself. For better or worse, I am YOU."

"Why? Why are you here now? Tell me."

"You are not okay. You may be pretending to be stable on the outside, but your consciousness is growing weak. Day by Day, I will overcome, and you will lose."

"Lose?"

"That's enough for now. You must wake up."

"Huh?"

"Wake up."

"Wake up."

"Wake up!"

"Wake… up…"

…

…

…

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Huh? What was that? Shit! What time is it…

"8:00 Saturday August 13 2022"

Thank god. I have time… what do I have to do? Oh right, Marc!

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

"Hello? Marc?"

"Yo, this is odd. It's rare for you to call me."

"Yeah… I'm a little… off right now. Anyways! Are you free today?"

"I'm off work so I should be, yeah."

"Okay. Good. Wanna go to six flags?"

"Jeez, you are off today. Did you hit your head?"

"No. I set up a group 'date' of sorts. It's me, Emma, and this girl named Hailey."

"Hm… I'm down. What time?"

"12 at the coffee shop on main street."

"Got it. See you then."

"Thanks Marc. I sorta promised you'd be there, so you really saved my skin."

"No problem."

Beep.

4 hours. What should I do? I'm so nervous. I got a lot of sleep last night but still, I feel like I forgot something…

Brrring! Brrring! Brrring!

My phone was ringing. It was Emma.

"Hello… Nate?"

"Yo." I said in a low growly voice.

"You okay? You sound sick."

"Yeah, I'm great. So what did you need?"

"Yeah, about that… you never told Hailey and I where we are meeting."

"Did I not?"

"No, you didn't… but seriously, are you okay? You seem… absent."

"Trust me, I'm fine. In relation to the location and time, we will be meeting at 12 near the coffee shop on main."

"Erm… okay… if you say you're okay, I'm not gonna pry, but I am gonna come over and make sure you're actually okay."

"Yeah, sure, knock yourself out."

"Okay, I'll see you in a little bit. Stay safe."

"Bye."

What was that about? "I better get some coffee" I thought to myself. I went downstairs, pulling a shirt over my head and thought over what Emma said.

"...I am gonna come over…"

She did say that. Right? Shit. I've gotta clean.

I sprinted down the stairs and locked the front door. I grabbed a broom and swept the entire first floor in around 5 minutes. I ran back up the stairs, grabbed a vacuum, and took it to the carpeted areas of the house. While I knew she wouldn't be looking at the whole house, I couldn't help but want to make sure it was spotless. After all, this was the first time a girl came over since… the incident.

I grabbed every loose pair of clothes from my room and either put it in my hamper or hung it up. I put boxes under my bed and loose knick knacks into their respective drawers. There was a lingering scent in my room. It didn't smell necessarily bad, but it smelled like the scent of sadness. I grabbed a can of refresher and opened the windows to air out the room. For better measure, I even turned on the ceiling fan just to push the air out even more. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before realizing I smelled from the summer heat and hopped in the shower for a few minutes to rinse my body. I figured I would have time, so I didn't dry my hair and instead opted to let it air dry and shaved some face stubble instead. While I was shaving I got a few rings of the doorbell followed by a call. It was again Emma.

"Hello!"

"Hi Emma."

"Open the door man, it's hot."

"Give me a second."

"I finished up the last section of my face and rinsed my face again before going down the stairs and opening the door.

"Nate…"

She looked at me like she saw a madman. I realized that I felt the heat and sun on my skin from my door and looked at my chest to see that I was not wearing a shirt. I slammed the door and sprinted upstairs to grab my hoody from the laundry room and put it over my bare chest.

Back at the door I said, "I'm sorry…"

"No… I did come on short notice."

She had a visible blush on her face. Whether she was flustered or just plain embarrassed, I couldn't quite discern.

"Come in, make yourself at home."

"Thank you for having me."

She left her shoes by the door and came to the kitchen where I had started a brew of coffee a few minutes prior.

"So, Nate. Everything okay?"

This again?

"Yeah, I'm okay. Why do you keep asking me that?"

"I'm just worried. I'm allowed to care about a friend right?"

"Yeah but…"

"Nate, are you sleeping well? I first noticed it yesterday at school, but when I looked back in my memory, I realized something. You've always got deep eye bags. You look like you haven't slept in days."

"I'm… sleeping."

"Hm… If you say so."

What's her deal?

"Hey Emma."

"Yeah?"

"While you're here, wanna take a tour of the house? We've got a few hours before we were supposed to meet up. I could also make you breakfast if you haven't eaten."

"Oh, I haven't eaten yet. Do you want help? I'm quite a good chef myself."

"Alright, I was planning on making pancakes. Do you wanna help take out the ingredients for the batter?"

"Yep, show me the ways."

I led her to the aprons and she tied it around her waist. She looked like a housewife. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she had light makeup on. Her ponytail wasn't tight, in fact a few hairs fell out of the side–– almost intentionally. I took her to the closet and showed her where the flour and other ingredients were, and she asked if we could put in chocolate chips. At first I was opposed to the idea, but I was unable to resist her, and I ended up putting them in anyway. We played around in the kitchen and I turned on the radio. A few pop songs I didn't know the name of played in the background. We sat down at the table and started to eat.

"So, how do you feel about Hailey?" Emma asked.

"Me?"

"Who else?"

"Well… She is definitely shy. She seems to lack self confidence. Like she would let people walk over her. She also doesn't have friends. But she's pretty cute. I mean, a girl that cute has no business being lone––"

"Okay. I get it." She looked at me angrily.

"Sorry…"

We sat in silence for a few moments. The sound of the radio became stagnant in the air and the audio mushed together, no longer sounding like music. My vision became blurry and dim. All of the sudden, I heard my mom yell from upstairs.

"I smell pancakes!"

Oh god. Please, If you are real, help me.

"Good morning mom…"

"Well good morning to you, and your –– who is she?"

"..."

"Hello Mrs. James, I am Emma Jones."

"Nice to meet you! My, this sure is a rare sight. It's been quite a while since my son has brought home a girl."

Emma looked at me as if saying "What a loser." But instead she continued, "Oh, I am far from the only female friend Nick has. Right Nick?"

"... Right…"

"Well Nick, I'll leave you two in a minute but I wanna have a conversation with Emma really quickly. You don't mind, do you?"

"Knock yourself out."

"Alright, come with me Emma."

They left the room and unbeknownst to me, they had an important conversation on the other side of the wall. While I chewed away at my pancake, my mother was in the other room with the girl I had become friends with.

' * * * '

"So Emma, To start with, I'm incredibly sorry. I seem to have made an incredibly rude first impression, so I'd like to formally apologize and introduce myself."

Nate's mom bowed and I was shocked.

"Please stand up Mrs. James. Seriously, there is nothing to apologize for ma'am."

"Emma, can I tell you something… about Nick's past?"

"Huh… sure."