Chapter 13

I was so weak to even pulled myself up to school. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin kay Liam na hindi naman ako iyon. I know he'll get very disappointed. I had the chance to admit it wasn't me but I chose to not to.

"Are you okay?" Ella eyed me with curiousity. I know I can't lie to her.

I shook my head. Ikkwento ko na sana sa kanya ang nangyari kaya lang ay dumating na ang Prof namin sa Biochem.

Lunch time came. I received a message from Liam saying that he have a lot of schoolworks to do. Buti na lang. Hindi pa ako handang harapin siya.

"Something's really off." Charm chanted...trying to light up the mood.

Tinaasan naman ako ng kilay ni Ella. Pinili ko talagang umupo kami sa second floor ng paborito naming karinderya. Maliit lang kasi ang space sa taas.

I sighed and started playing with my food.

"Liam thought it was me who's lowkey giving him poems...the reason...why he's suddenly into me." I gulped and tried to meet their gazes.

Kumunot ang noo ni Ella bago inilipat ang kanyang tingin kay Charm pabalik sa akin.

"I...wasn't able to tell him the truth. I'm...scared." Nanghihina kong pag-amin sa kanila.

Rose drunk her glass of water before tapping my back.

"We should be more scared of losing them...than tolerating such lies." Basag ni Rose sa katahimikan na bumalot sa aming apat.

Alam ko naman 'yon. Mas nakakatakot mawala si Liam pero natatakot ako na mawawala siya sa akin dahil sa maling akala niya.

"It should be Charm. Not me." I shyly whispered at them. I feel like I'm a hypocrite.

"I have Dale with me. Liam and I never matched because he's not for me." She smiled...one thing that made me guilty for more.

"If only Liam knew it was you...I am so sure-"

She cut me off and made me looked at her. "Je. Stop being guilty of something you also didn't know. Stop saying that Liam likes you only because of that poem-"

"Charm, those poems were you being confident enough-"

She shook her head, making me to not to continue what I was about to say.

"Those poems were written for the wrong person, Je."

"You should tell Liam about this." Ella said breaking her silence. Mukhang pinag-isipan niya talaga ang kanyang sasabihin. "Most relationships failed because they don't know how to communicate with each other." She shrugged her shoulders.

"True to life ba?" Rose said teasing her. Inirapan naman ito ni Ella.

"Palibhasa wala kang jowa." She scoffed at Rose.

Natawa na lang din ako sa dalawa. Charm worriedly eyed me. I bit my lower lip. The truth is, it's very easy to say that I just need to tell him what he needs to know. Reality sucks. It's really hard...big time.

"Just be honest on Liam, okay? I'm sure he'll understand." Ella added as if she had reflected something about her past actions.

Sinunod ko nga ang sinabi nila. I patiently waited on the red bench. Gusto pa sana nila akong samahan. I insisted not to.

Ang alam ko ay ala singko y medya ang labas ni Liam ngayon. It was around four thirty in the afternoon. Isang oras pa akong maghihintay kaya naman nakapagdesisyon ako na lumabas muna para kumain ng fishball.

Tahimik lamang akong kumakain sa tabi. Hindi na ako nag-abala pang pansinin ang paminsan-minsang sulyap sa akin ng mga nasa higher levels.

I understand there feelings for Liam. I just hope that they'll understand how Liam really feels.

"Bakit pa kasi pumatol sa bakla." Napalunok ako ng marinig iyon galing sa isang estudyante. She sounded mad and irritated at the same time.

Dapat pala nagpasama muna ako kina Ella. Paniguradong sisindakin naman ni Ella tong mga 'to.

It was around five when I decided to come back inside the school. Muli akong umupo sa may red bench. I chose the one in the middle so we won't attract too much attention.

I scribbled on my phone while waiting. I scanned the photos we had in Hibiscus. These are priceless memories I would forever treasure in my heart.

"Uy!" Napalingon ako sa nagsalita. It was Von. Isa sa mga kaibigan ni Liam.

"Ah...hi." I awkwardly said. Nahihiya pa rin kasi ako sa kanila. Hindi ko alam kung anong naramdaman o naging reaction nila mula ng malaman nilang gusto ako ni Liam.

"Si Liam ba hinihintay mo?" I nodded at him.

Nag-stretch pa ito ng kanyang mga kamay bago umupo sa harap ko.

"Ah...shet...sarap magpahinga." He said while flashing a smile. Tumingin ito sa akin saka muling ngumiti. "Nahihiya ka ba sa akin?"

I rolled my eyes. Sarap tanungin kung hindi ba masyadong obvious.

"Shit! Ang taray din! Magkaibigan talaga kayo ni Ella!" Natawa na lang ako dahil sa sinabi niya. Mukha kasing pinanganak si Ella para magsungit.

"Nakakahawa kasi." I replied while plastering a smile. "Uwian na kayo?"

He shook his head. "Boring discussion. Lumabas lang ako para mag restroom. Sakto naman nakita kita kaya chika muna tayo, sis." Inayos niya ang kanyang upo at saka ako inosenteng tiningnan. Natawa ako ng marinig ang pagbanggit niya ng 'sis.'

"How's Liam as a friend?" I asked, wanting to know how Liam is based on someone's perspective.

Napanguso si Von. "He's really nice...I mean...really, really nice. Kaya siguro ang daming nagkakagusto sa kanya."

I smiled upon hearing from him how nice Liam is. The mere fact that there are a lot of people admiring Liam speaks a lot about him. He's not just a random guy with good looks.

"Are you okay with Liam being...with me?" It was almost a whisper I'm too shy to asked.

Von's eyes widened about my sudden question. I bit my lower lip.

"It never became a big deal to us. We get to choose who we like but we won't get to choose who we will love."

I don't know where Von got that but it strike me big time. Hindi naman kasi natin maaaring diktahan ang tinitibok ng ating puso. Love is insane. It made us believe how few unexpected things seem to be possible.

Von raised his eyebrow at me. "Are you worried that we thought Liam's gay just because he likes you?"

Nahihiya akong tumango sa kanya. Ganoon kasi ang pag-iisip nila. Ganoon ang sabi nila.

"C'mon, Jerard! No one has the right to tell you who you really are except for yourself. Liam liking you doesn't made him gay at all. He knows he's a straight man who happened to see a  woman in you." He trailed off. Saglit itong tumingin sa kanyang relo bago ako muling binalingan.

"Five minutes before dismissal!" Tumayo na ito at saka muling nag-unat ng kanyang mga kamay. He tapped my shoulder. "You seriously need to stop listening to other people...especially if you know it's wrong." He smiled...with pure sincerity.

I was left in awe after having that conversation with Von. Hindi ko lubos akalain na ganoon ang maririnig ko galing sa kanya. Hindi kasi halata.

Tahimik ulit akong naghintay doon. Late lumabas sina Liam. He looked shocked when he saw me. It was nearly six in the evening.

Tumayo na ako at saka hinintay siyang makalapit sa akin. Von, Andy, and Dale smiled at me before tapping Liam's back.

Nagpaalam na rin sila sa akin. Pareho kaming nakatitig sa isa't isa.

"I need to tell you something." I said, breaking the silence embracing us.

I tried to reached for his hand but he stepped backwards. Napaawang ang aking bibig dahil sa biglaan niyang pag-atras.

"I...I don't have time today, Jerard. I'm sorry...I...uh...have a lot of schoolworks." He said before walking fast away from me.