Fell deep into the ditch

It had been several months and I started to finally realize that I had no power over anyone. I finally started to realize that all I had to do was try and be like a housewife from the ’50s--the one who is used as the toy and shoe that a man could throw away anytime--someone who was only there for work and pleasure.

I never understood the meaning of power till now.

Power means to have control and influence over someone’s actions, right..?

I knew I had a mouth with a voice that could forge out words but those words had no power in them--those words had no meaning in them. Those words had the power to shake up the world with sympathy for me, but they didn’t have enough power and meaning in them to save me from the misery that this world possesses. those words were empty for me

I am hopeless when it comes to having the freedom of rights, the freedom to have a voice though, I am filled with hopes and expectations when it comes to living in this cage-like facility, like how someone would maybe let me walk up to the garden, or if someone would talk nicely to me.

I was under the severe watch of Aiden.

Talking about Aiden, I have noticed some changes in his behavior ever since I gave up protesting. He is happy when he gets what he wants but then tortures innocent minds when he doesn’t--that was my way of understanding him.

I was in Aiden and my room, sitting on the bed thinking of maybe what I could do today to entertain myself, I could ask something from Aiden--what is wrong with me? You may think that and so did I at the time.

I heard the door open to have a sight of Aiden coming in a bit tired--I wonder what was wrong. I stood up and went near him as he had instructed before. Taking off his coat and folding it, I put it back to its place while he was just staring at me, so deeply and..lovingly..?

But suddenly, I saw something dark flash in his eyes--did I do something wrong? oh god please protect me.

His hands motioned me to go near him.

“Come here.”

Hearing his voice that was now filled with anger sent shivers down my spine and apparently made me lose my mind, I was tremendously scared.

I was thinking of what I may have done wrong. He came in all fine and normal, and I had done what I did every day but it didn’t upset him like this.

I was going near him when I tripped onto something and fell, and somehow my foot hit something sharp nearby.--probably a key or a broken piece of glass.

I hissed in pain as it pierced through the protective layers of my skin.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Aiden immediately standing up and coming towards me. He extended his hand which I accepted quickly, I did not at all want to upset him.

“Be careful next time.”, he said and picked me up, and then placed me on the bed.

I was so flustered yet so confused, this was the first time I saw him be this soft.

I looked at my feet to see there was a lot of blood dripping from the red gash. I did not feel a lot of pain--maybe I was just used to it after the torture he put me through.

My eyes widened after I saw him coming back into the room with a first aid kit--What was he planning to do? He sat near my feet and slowly started to treat my wounds and I hissed in pain as he did.

This was all so unusual.

What caught me off guard was that did he not realize that I had even bigger wounds every time I would protest and be put in the torture cells before the marriage. Remembering those times did truly break me and the fragile heart of mine.

“You should be more careful.”

His words were the reason I blushed.

What are you doing to my heart, I thought.

Even if I could run away from this place I couldn’t, I fell too deep in the ditch--too deep to crawl my way out now. He knows every single thing about me now--there’s no way I can go back to the life that I now remember dearly.

He would do these kinds of things almost every day, and each time that he would, it always made my heart go insane. I don’t know what you are doing to me Aiden. I don’t know what is wrong with you these days. I don’t know why my heart picks up a faster pace every time I am with you, why Aiden? Why aren’t you the same monster that tortured my soul and mind not too long ago anymore? Why Aiden..? Why are you doing this to me?

...Because if this is a game where you would break my heart, then please stop--I can’t endure this pain any longer.

I saw him go to the other side of the bed while he tucked himself inside the duvet. It was midnight, I didn’t realize. I was already in the pajamas an hour or two ago, waiting for sleep to come and engulf me in its embrace.

“Sleep, it’s late.” He said while getting near me after shutting off the lamp. He came near me and started to hug me, and after a little while, I heard faint and soft snoring sounds--it truly melted my heart.

Turning on my side I looked at his face and admired him, though I did not know why. I started to say things in a really low voice that I don’t know where I got the courage to do so.

“I don’t know if you know what you are doing to me but I sure do know. Every time you are near me, my heart flutters in happiness. I know you are a bad person but are you..?”, I paused as I realized, “Oh god, what am I thinking of course he is.” I paused again for a minute and gently started to stroke his hair, what was wrong with me?

“Every time I am near you, I am scared of what might upset you, every time that I am near you, my heart starts going crazy. I don’t know what is wrong with me.”

I paused as realization hit me hard,

“You know what..? I think I am in love with you..”, I smiled as I said that though I felt like something was wrong like someone was listening to me.

I almost screamed as I saw his eyes open--and oh my god! Was he smirking--?! He was smirking!