Confessions

"Hmm...You love me?", He asked as cockiness dripped from his tone.

I was highly embarrassed by what I had just done--this was not supposed to happen, and then now that it did--I was immensely flustered, and so, I did not answer him but lowered my gaze instead.

I was quite ashamed by myself as I did not know what to do at the time.

"Oh god, help me, please.", I thought to myself.

That moment was so frustrating, I mean--I couldn't even fight back saying that I didn't say it.

And yet again, I had the sight of that cursed cocky smirk that I wanted to rip off with my bare hands.

"Aren't you going to answer me?"

"Yeah, I love you.", I blurted out but gasped as I had realized what I had just said and covered my mouth with my hands.

This situation was making my insides flip around, turn and cringe--and there it was again--that smirk.

But at that time, I didn't care about his smirk all I cared about was that I had confessed my love towards a man who killed people like it was no big deal--I am glad he's going to get tortured in the walls of hell, but at the same time I am sad that he’s going to go to hell.

I wanted to scream my lungs out as that was not expected of me.

What an immature heart I had. All he did was that made me fall deeply in love with him was that he took care of me. What an immature heart I had. Sometimes I just want to kill this stupid heart of mine.

I saw something in his eyes--it was like he was confused for a moment and was thinking about something.

"Y-you love me...?"

Oh my god! did he just stutter--? He stuttered!

For the first time, I have seen him with a glint of sadness, nervousness, and guilt present in his eyes.

As each second passed, the tension in the air got thicker.

Is there something wrong with me?

In the corner of my eye, I saw that his eyes getting filled with guilt as he asked, "You love me after I tortured you mercilessly...?" The energy of his voice dimmed down while I was just there, just lying there in bed, still in shock of what had just happened.

What are you doing to my heart Aiden?

I saw him tear his body away from mine as he put the duvet out of his way and proceeded towards the door. He stopped mid-way as if he was having a war within himself. His hands were fidgeting with each other--He didn't know what to say to me.

I saw his eyes lightening up followed by him mouthing 'Finally'.

"You should sleep. I will come later."

Oh, so that was what he was trying to say for so long.

I saw him open the door and leave.

What are you hiding from me Aiden?

I want to leave this world and fly away like a bird in the sky. I want my soul to be free--I want to feel how it is to be in the warm embrace of freedom. I want to have wings as big as the universe that exists and my feathers to be as white as they could be.

I want to be like the sun. I want to shine so brightly that the world is lightened up by me, but never dares to look at me.

I want to have power yet all I want is to live like a normal person. I know that life has ups and downs, but what if when the days of your sadness appear, you fall deeper and deeper.

I love him, don't I?

Love is a feeling which is like a rainbow, Oh, so colorful and beautiful but no one looks at its ugly side; rain.

I don't care if I am alone forever, I don't care if I don't have anyone on my side. I want to have a voice of which I could use to sing my heart out.

What will be of my future? This is a case of infatuation. Eventually, he'll get tired of me then throw me away like a toy.

All I wanted was for my dreams to come true. I wanted to see myself be flourished like bright and beautiful flowers.

I want to drink my sorrows away, I want to drink like a psychopath, I want to drink as I have never felt sadness ever again, I want to drink my sorrows away. I want to go away from this world, even if it for a little while.

I want to forget him, I want to start a new beginning. I want to feel new again.

I want to forget her… my mother...

no... NO!

I took my duvet off of my body as I made my way towards the door.

I don't care if I'll get punished for it--All I want is to drink, drink myself away from the world.

"Drink away~ Drink away~", I sang as I made my way towards the kitchen.

I marched my way there.

My footsteps were unstable, just like the dear crushed, and broken soul of mine.

I saw the opening of the kitchen.

The lights were on, I wonder why? But I didn't care anymore.

I made my way inside.

My gaze went towards the two men sitting on the counter drinking and it looked like they were discussing something, but now they were looking towards me.

I didn't care though.

I went towards the fridge as I opened it and grabbed the nearest bottle of vodka. I opened the cabinet and took the glass out.

Their eyes were burning holes inside my back, what were they going to do to me anyway? I poured the vodka inside of the glass as I heard Aiden say, "What are you doing?", with a very dominant tone, but it was not like it was going to work on me anyway.

As I was done filling the glass. I drank it all in one go.

I saw their eyes widening--they both were in a moment of shock. That other guy who caught me the other day, his friend came near me and took the alcohol out of my hands as I snatched it back giving them both once more, pure shock.

Seeing my behavior, Aiden was angry.

"Avyanna, go back. Now", his 'now' was enough to send shivers down my spine.

"And if I don't? What are you going to do anyway? Rape me? torture me? kill my family? Kill me? because I am definitely up for that one.", I said snorting up a laugh as the other guy tried to control his.

"You did something very wrong Aiden, I wasn't the one you could fool with, baby.", I said smirking while he was just in shock at what I had just said.

I filled the glass again, drank it in again as my vision was getting more colorful and more blurry--I liked it. Everything was moving again and again making me want it more.

I wanted more and the glass was too small for it so out of frustration, I smashed the glass on the counter and snatched the vodka bottle from his hands, and made my way back to the room but before doing so, I did something very embarrassing.

"You're not even going to stop me?! Don't you get that I LOVE YOU?!"