Revelation

After meeting Raja every second has been an emotional Rollercoaster for me. it was never mundane my mornings are now filled with the flavours of love. This day I simply decided something to go and wish him good morning. Well not exactly a good morning but a warning that if he didn't indulge my occasional visits I can make his life hell. He was quick to understand he was very professional but I could feel his reluctance at being forced to do something. I tried to help him in his chores but he was not allowing me that. He relaxed a bit after that he knew I was not here to annoying him. The pleasure of seeing him shirtless made me a ran a wicked thought why I can just simply destroy all his shirts so he will be forced to be without one all the time. I know I'm not the only Raja fan here i have seen several maids and even Fanny staring at him sometimes that thought made me quickly put that thought away. Instead I sat back and enjoyed the rear view of him brushing down the horses. He was alone most of the time because the stable was a bit far from house and none really cared about horses apart from me. Fanny is nose deep in books or playing piano she was quite good actually and the music teacher must be good too. I wonder what was their relationship is like do they behave like typical lovers? I hardly think so Fanny was a coward she will be out of it the second somebody had a whiff about it. How wrong I was? Coming back to the story I'm here looking at Raja and fantasizing about our life together. How easy it was now to be with him and there is silence not an awkward one but a peaceful one I feel content here to stay here with him I could ignore the concept of time. I will wait for him and won't even blink an eye. "Brat why are looking at me weirdly?" A question that made me to slightly blush but I refuse to bow down to him or anyone. I stared at him for a full minute and said "You are different you are half white aren't you "? His lips slowly began to move," I haven't seen my father he came to India for studying my mother worked as a guide for him. He promised to come back but never did. it was not unbelievable you ask me. He could even be married and my mother couldn't have known ". He took a sharp breath and said , " i don't know why I said that. Now don't go and tell it every where ".

I smiled and asked where's your mother? Village his answer was short. It seems he was in good mood I wanted to tell him that I loved him that very moment I really did but I couldn't. I didn't want to face rejection from him especially for this. it felt as though his no could take away my feelings too. I sometimes think how different would have our story been if I told him that then.

There was no what if in life if you take a decision the responsibility of it lies with you entirely. You cannot blame anyone not even yourself.

I know my dilemma could go on for weeks or months even but I promised myself if I ever tell him I was going to be 100% sure his answer going to be yes. Till that time I could live with these moments it was enough for me. Raja asked me to return home since I have been gone long and truth to be told he wasn't sure what else he will tell me if I stayed. Both of us were in dilemma each different but both important.

Father had returned today his coming and going always go unnoticed except there will be his presence in home on dining table which we collectively ignore. Fanny occasionally try and fail to talk to him. He was very comfortable with silence if you ask me so I always leave him alone like he would leave me. I know school will reopen after summer holidays so me and Raja will hardly see each other so my time is limited actually. I was far behind the race to Raja's heart now time is also going to be less. No matter how fast I run I will always be left behind. That day when mother was sick I remembered praying to God to let her live and I promise to be a good child but God didn't hear me so my relationship with almighty is a bit strained.

Ramu kaaka came to me today he does it sometimes when he could take a break from work we sit and chat. He tells me old songs tales of Aladin now I think about Aladin Raja's image is coming to my mind. He said he promised my mother to look after me so he tries to do it but hardly he has time especially when father is home. I decided to ask him about Raja but unfortunately he couldn't provide any information only he was 18 years old and he is kind of saving some money he wanted to start a business soon. That made me happy he was not a quitter he is still fighting to change the circumstances he was born in. To my surprise he had another information one which I could use tomorrow that is may 15th is Raja's birthday. This day is the one I would love to celebrate the day world decided to have him for me ofcourse. I never understood concept of birthday it was like another day for me I can cut a cake if I want. But that also I can do it for any other day. Maybe because I was born privileged my friend Leela got a new dress on her birthday that was the only one she got that year but my case was different. Raja being so poor I know he only owned 5 shirts i decided to change that Raja will now own a dozen pair at least if I have my way much more. One more thing I came to know about him that he likes white. Thanks to Ramu kaaka who said he once heard him say that he never owned white shirt because he can't bear to see it ruined by his daily job.

He was my kind of man a special one to hold my heart. Now of I listened to my heart I can hear his name Raja I know one day he will be mine no matter where we are.