Lucien's Plot, Unraveled

It feels like an hour before he finally draws away. For all I know, it was an hour.

 I sigh to compose myself, open my eyes, and immediately see Adrian and Virgil, watching me intently.

Goddammit. I feel the heat in my face spike back up again at the looks on their faces. Adrian's biting his thumb, with a small smile and half-lidded eyes. Virgil's quivering slightly with his hand over his mouth, but it doesn't hide how pink he's turned. At least we're the same in that respect.

Don't give him the satisfaction. I look over to Lucien. "This was also part of your plan, I assume?" He grins in response.

"Some coffee for you two, as well?" I ask, starting to stand. 

But Lucien grabs my wrist and pulls me back down. "You're my personal servant today. So you don't need to pay any mind to them."

"I thought you weren't the possessive type," I say wryly.

"I'm not," he responds airily. "But you were relieved when I said I wasn't."

I roll my eyes. "Fine," I huff. "Then what's your next plan?"

He tilts his head to the side, considering. I keep my eyes trained on him, trying to ignore the other two. Neither of them have spoken up yet, which somehow makes me feel more uncomfortable.

Lucien's eyes spark as he comes up with something. "Dance for me."

I give him a doubtful look. "I can't," I say flatly.

His eyebrows draw down. "No excuses."

"It's not," I shrug. "I have no idea how to. And besides, we have no music."

"If it's music you need, I can provide that," comes Dante's voice from the doorway. "Actually, any of us should be able to."

"Actually…" begins Adrian.

"I hate playing," says Virgil. "It hurts my fingers."

"Doesn't make a difference," I say. "I still can't dance."

"You can sing, can't you?" Lucien asks. "Sing for me."

"Um, alone?" My heart rate increases.

"Of course." He smiles his catlike smile at my reaction. "You're entertaining me today."

"Shall I fetch my erhu?" asks Dante.

"No," replies Lucien decisively. "She can sing without it."

My heart rate climbs even more, but Virgil interrupts. "Wait. I don't want to be subjected to something awful. Can you really sing?" he asks doubtfully.

My chance! "Well, I don't really have confidence…" I reply. Which is true. "I don't know that I would sound good...at all." But I do know inside that I have an ear for music, and Lucien catches that.

"Don't lie," he says, catching my chin with his hand.

"It's...not a lie, exactly," I say, averting my gaze.

"You know you can sing just fine." It's not a question.

He's right, but there's a good reason I never sing alone in front of people. "I can't think of anything to sing," I say lamely.

"That can't be true," replies Lucien. "Didn't you say yourself that thralls entertain themselves by singing? Surely you have a whole library of songs in your head," he says, tapping me on the forehead.

"I...do," I admit sourly. "But I never sing alone."

I shouldn't have said that. Lucien's grin grows wider. "Good."

I shift uncomfortably in my seat. If I had known this would happen, I wouldn't have put cream in my coffee. I try to think of a song that's easy to sing. Something familiar…

Lucien interrupts my thoughts. "You'll need to stand. It's a performance, after all."

That might actually be better, I think, but once I've stood up and moved to the side of the room, I realize the pressure feels even stronger with all four men watching like an audience. I turn around and face the wall.

"Face me," commands Lucien.

"I- I can't." I shift awkwardly. "If I face forward, I won't be able to sing at all."

He sighs in irritation, but Adrian speaks up. "It's fine. The sound will bounce off the wall, and besides, I want to hear this."

"Fine," says Lucien, but I'm trying to concentrate on finding a song. Luckily, before the ensuing silence goes on too long, I find the beginning of an old favorite.

I take a deep breath, try not to think about the people watching, and let the first line out.

"When it's time to say farewell, my love

Don't be afraid to cry

But remember that even when we are gone

Our memories ever remain.

Just because these things will end,

Someday

Doesn't mean they're worthless now…"

When I finally sing the last note, I realize that I had been able to relax once I fell into the rhythm. But in the following silence, I feel my self-consciousness rising. I don't want to turn back around.

"...Turn around." It's Lucien's voice, of course.

Hesitantly, I do, gripping myself awkwardly. They all have different reactions. Virgil has his hands to his mouth, looking like he's about to cry.  Adrian looks practically lovesick, with his hands clasped together. Dante has an almost frighteningly serious look on his face as he leans forward.

But Lucien's reaction almost makes up for my embarrassment. He looks completely shocked. After all that talk about knowing that I can sing, acting like he sees right through me. But it's not quite enough to make me feel better. I just want to run away right now.

Finally, someone speaks up.

"You have a beautiful voice," sighs Adrian.

I can't look at anyone right now, and just stare at the floor.

"Why were you so nervous?" asks Dante. "I expected you to sound average. You don't sound like an amatuer at all."

"...Yes." Lucien finally speaks up. "You were perfect." If I wasn't still embarrassed, I would feel victory at the surprise in his voice.

"I want to hear more," comes Virgil's rapt voice. "What else can you sing?"

I just shake my head. "I can't take any more today."

"Come here," says Lucien, but his voice is softer than before. When I look up, he looks more puzzled than victorious. Still holding myself self-consciously, I sit down beside him, and he captures my gaze with his own. "You were so nervous, I thought you'd sound terrible," he says.

"What was all that about knowing I could sing, then?!" I ask.

He shrugs. "I didn't want Virgil to object." I can't believe I actually thought he saw through me.

"I don't understand. Why on earth are you so self-conscious when you sound so good?" he asks.

I look away. "I don't really think I am as good as all that," I mumble. "You all just haven't heard music in a long time. And it's a good song…"

He pulls my face towards him yet again. "That's not true," he says flatly. "I don't understand. Don't you have any pride in your abilities?"

"No." I yank my face away and look down at the table. "Thralls don't get to have abilities."

Silence reigns for a few moments.

"Singing isn't….singing shouldn't be about sounding good," I say, running my finger along the rim of my cup. "It's a way of expressing yourself. Of letting out your feelings. But when it's made out to be a skill instead of a feeling...suddenly, your vulnerability can be attacked. You can't express yourself without being judged. You can't show your feelings unless you do it in a nice way - and then it's about how good you sound, instead of just enjoying the music. So...so I don't sing in front of other people."

"But you obviously sing a lot," says Dante. "You wouldn't be so skilled otherwise."

Adrian nods in agreement.

"Well, she said she sings with other people. Can't you get better that way?" asks Virgil.

"No, you can't," muses Lucien, and I wince internally. He always finds a way to cut to the deeper reasons, doesn't he? He tilts my face towards him again, a new light in his golden eyes. "You sing to yourself, don't you?"

My heart jumps a little. "How did you…" His eyes crinkle with his usual cunning smile. "...well, never mind, I suppose I should know you've seen a lot," I sigh. "I actually used to sing myself to sleep as a child."

"Lonely?" Lucien's gaze was piercing.

"That, and I just couldn't sleep. I would lay awake for hours with my mind buzzing. I needed something to do."

"Stimulation."

"You always find the worst way to word it, but yes, I suppose." He finally lets me tear my gaze away, and I end up meeting Adrian's instead. He's holding his hands to his cheeks with the most ridiculous look of pity I've ever seen.

"That's so sad," he whimpers.

I let out a short bark of laughter. "You think that's sad? You have no idea the kinds of things we do to try and stay sane. My story isn't typical - it's better than most."

Adrian's face sobers. "Really?"

I scoff. "Do you really not know? Or are you just ignorant on purpose?"

"Now that's too far," says Dante, but I round on him next. "Is it? You all have spent every day with hundreds, maybe even thousands, of different thralls most of your whole lives. You can't pretend you haven't noticed how different we are. Haggard faces. Dull eyes. Vacant expressions, fake smiles, listless, pallid, sickly, empty!" My voice rises with each word. "Not a moment of relief, only as much joy as we can scrape out in between sleeping and working! It's like that for all humans under vampire rule! Being treated well isn't just about food and shelter!"

Dante, Adrian, and Virgil all meet my hot gaze silently. But Lucien next to me speaks up.

"That's all true, Adelaide." I look over to see him with a blase expression. "But that doesn't mean I care."

"You do," I answer immediately, and he frowns. "I told you what I was afraid of. I'm sure you know exactly how to craft a terrifying situation for me. But you didn't. You gave me the opposite. I may be embarrassed, but…" I put my hand on his. "I'm actually kind of...happy."

For once, Lucien has no words as he just stares at me. Adrian giggles, and a frown crosses his face before in changes into one of contemplation. "...You're not what I expected," he says finally.

"Then don't expect anything," I reply with a shrug.

He bursts out with unexpected laughter. "You're right. I shouldn't. Maybe I still have more to learn." With that, he stands and leaves the room.