NOT DREAMING

"I think it's best for you to rest for a while. I'll go get a private room for you."

The words came out automatically while I held her in my arms. She was shaking all over. I knew that if I let go of her, her trembling body would collapse on the floor. 

As much as I wanted to obstruct it, to stand in the way of myself for being so vulnerable, I couldn't help it. I couldn't hold myself to just stand there, watching them battling for strength and doing nothing. I couldn't willed myself to disregard what I see and hear and remain passive with it. 

Though she wasn't asking for any help or whatsoever, here I am wanting to do it with my own free will, which really appalled me. I am astounded with the sudden turn of events that is now happening inside of me. 

"I don't want to be anywhere else but here. I want to stay here and wait" She spoke every word with sheer determination. 

"But you have to rest. You're unstable. It's best if you rest for a while. I will be with Cecille and we will call you once a doctor is out." 

"No! I said no! I will stay here and wait for the result!" She wailed anxiously, letting go of herself from my grip and distance away.

If we were in a different situation and in much lighter circumstances, I would have shouted back at her and would not have laid back. But today is unlike any of our normal days together, this situation is out of the ordinary. So I decided to set aside our indifferences, let go of it for a while and be of aid to them in any way I can. 

Hours later, a doctor came out from the emergency room. By the mention of her father's name, both she and Cecille swiftly stood up and acknowledged him. 

I closed my eyes and cursed inside. It doesn't need an expert to tell what happened inside, just merely looking at his face, anyone could tell what he was about to say. I brace myself for the bad news. 

"How is he?" 

Both the two women said in unison, anticipating the result which I already knew. 

I swiftly walked towards them, standing behind for support, before looking at the doctor with sorrow filled eyes. He glanced at me first, nodded to acknowledge me, before spilling everything. 

"The patient suffered immensely, lost a massive amount of blood. His right lung almost dodged a bullet, which only hit a minimal portion of the side wing. Though his lungs and the other organs were in normal state, the most vital ones weren't. His heart and brain were the ones that got affected the most. A bullet was found inside the upper part of his skull, it didn't surpass the external, causing internal hemorrhage in his brain. There was also a bullet at the center of his heart that triggered his cardiac arrest. I am terribly sorry, but after doing our best to stabilize the patient's condition… He didn't make it. My condolences to the family." 

And there it was. The explosion of a lifetime for these two lost souls in front of me was laid down unmercifully. I wasn't able to catch both of them, but I made sure to get a hold of Angelou, who after wailing in utmost despair, lost her consciousness and unmindfully collapsed in my embrace. 

***

'Oh God, what a nightmare. Thank you for waking me up, Lord.' 

The minute my mind awakens, I feel relieved and thankful for waking up from that terrible nightmare. Good thing it was all just a dream. I don't know how I would cope if it's not. Feeling light-hearted, as peace serenaded my mind, I slowly opened my eyes. 

'Where am I? This isn't my room?' 

Panic attack began to envelop me once again, just like in my dream. I scanned my surroundings quizzically, every inch of the space I am in. I couldn't see any shade in contrast, all complemented one shade that dominates the vast room, white. 

When realization struck me, after patching everything together from where it all started, I jolted up in bed with great disturbance. 

"Easy now." 

My head automatically sprang to the one that had spoken. I saw Gabriel sitting at the corner side of another bed, looking ill and tired as if he hadn't slept in days. There was dark skin under his eyes and he has stiff hairs around his mouth that look like he hasn't shaved for a while. 

"Where am I?" I asked immediately, soliciting for an answer which I already have a slight hint of my whereabouts. But nonetheless, I want to hear it from him. Not just for anything else, but for much detailed information on why I am currently not at home and inside a freaking hospital. 

"Did you bump your head or something? How are you feeling now? Is there something in you that hurts? Can't you remember anything?" He inquired continuously, not giving me ample time to respond. There's a look on his face that I can't name. Was that care? Pity? Concern? "For God's sake, Angelou, tell me what's wrong!" 

"Tell me why I am here, Gabriel. Tell me why! Tell me all of that was just a part of a terrifying nightmare, because I am going crazy right now!" 

My body convulsed in fear. I could feel every part of me shaking with extreme fright as reality slowly creeped inside my mind. 

'No, please, don't. That was all just a dream, a nightmare. What happened wasn't real. They are fine. Mom and dad are fine. They are perfectly fine at our home, together.' 

"I'll call a doctor. Wait for me here." 

He was about to walk away but I immediately grabbed his arm and looked at him, pleading and begging to reconfirm what my mind believed. 

"Please… Please Gabriel, tell me everything was just a dream. Please… I beg you, tell me none of these are real."

I didn't mind looking frustrated and out of control in front of him. I didn't care what came out of my mouth, all the beseeches and pleads I just made. All I care about now are answers. Answers to questions that are bombarding my mind from all angles. 

But before he replied to my queries, he wrapped me in his arms consolingly, as if shielding me from any harm that may come. With his actions alone, he was telling me that he is here for me and he will be here for me. 

"Everything was real, Angelou. You are not dreaming" He whispered softly while gently caressing my hair.

And with that, the surroundings I saw earlier of pure and unpigmented white, suddenly became gloomy. As clouds filled my eyes, my body involuntarily disintegrated and broke down.