CHAPTER 5 - FIRST TIME

Brave was dead. The dark, fluffy ball had stopped breathing. I recall getting him to the vet after calling for a driver. As per the doctor, he had fading puppy syndrome and was fortunate to have lived this long. Since I was so preoccupied with my schedule, I wasn't even aware if anything was wrong with him. The symptoms wouldn't become obvious until it was too late.

I felt distraught. Guilt was tearing me apart as I brought Brave back to the village, and I requested permission from the house owner to bury him in the backyard, to which he agreed wholeheartedly. I wished to mourn so badly, however there were people around, and I did not want to look weak. It was a habit I always practiced. I despised others seeing my frailty, so I pretended to be tough no matter how severe the situation was.

I stood there silently while two guys assisted me in digging a grave in the garden, and Carla and Brenda brought flowers. Few people were aware of Brave's existence, but those who did knew him, came to wish him farewell.

I claimed to be well as usual, and when Carla asked whether I was alright, I answered that I was fine as I had only known the dog for around three weeks.

"Besides, I figured I'd have to leave him here after the shoot was through. It was only a short-term commitment."

That's exactly what I said, and everyone believed it. None noticed the red mark on my lip as I bit down hard to refrain from sobbing when they lowered Brave's body and blanketed him with grit. I was planning to get him registered and take him back with me.

Soon, it was just me and the mound of dirt, and I continued to remain there, gazing at it.

"He was a wonderful dog."

I turned around to find an unknown man standing on the lawn, staring intently in the direction of the burial site. I had seen him somewhere else before but couldn't remember where.

"Thank you. And, pardon me, but how do you know him?"

He appeared surprised by my lack of recognition, but then scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I work with the Art Team. I was the one who drove you to the vet on that day."

My mouth made a little ooh when I identified his voice. The body frame, too, matched him well, and even though he wasn't wearing a mask anymore, I could tell it was definitely him.

"I am really sorry. I tried to find you but couldn't. Thank you so much, though. You were a great help to me that day. However, I don't believe it has any significance anymore."

I blinked several times, trying not to break down in tears in front of this total stranger. I needed him to leave immediately. I didn't think I could keep being strong after seeing the person with whom I found Brave. The memories were too vivid and hard to bear.

"It's getting late. I guess I'll see you on set."

I pretended to smile, expecting him to leave.

"Who said there is no significance? Unlike his brothers, at least he died happy."

My breathing caught in my chest as I battled to suppress a whimper from bursting forth.

"Yeah. I'm sleepy, so you should go."

I said, not caring about manners anymore. I was acting like a bitch even though I knew he had helped me, but I couldn't help it. I was dying for some privacy.

"You'll be his first and last love. I'd say he was fortunate, if you ask me."

The first drop of tears came from my left eye even before I realized it. I don't know what this dude was playing at. However, I was both furious and desperate.

"Leave."

I muttered while badly attempting to keep my voice in check.

"Finding him dead must have been terrible."

That was it.

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

I screamed while sobbing hysterically. My emotions seemed to have lost their restraint and could no longer be held back.

"Why don't you just listen? Get out! Get out! I don't want anyone here."

My knees gave up, and I found myself on the ground, crouched over, with my head buried in my hands. Even though I felt humiliated, I couldn't help myself. Brave and Happy were constantly switching places in my thoughts. I could not help but consider Brave a part of my life because of how much he resembled Happy, my first pup. And it was gnawing at me inside that I had once again let my negligence harm another living thing. My ego was completely engulfed in my agony, and I badly wanted a release.

Two long arms wrapped around me and drew me closer to a warm, muscular chest. He rocked us back and forth, and for the first time in my life, I was relieved that a stranger was comforting me. The heat radiating from his torso comforted me like a lullaby, and my weeping gradually subsided. What the hell is going on?

"Holding it in will just make things worse. Let it all out and move on."

His voice was closer than I would have liked on any other occasion, but I didn't mind right now. When he spoke, his breath caressed my cheeks, and my entire body tingled. My anguish seemed to be overshadowed by his proximity.

"You're doing well."

He said it reassuringly, and although it was a silly statement, I felt proud. But why? It's not like I need his approval.

I am not sure how long we remained there, but I appreciated it. It felt good to be frail for a while. Surprisingly, I didn't even feel much embarrassed. In fact, I was glad to breakdown in front of him. His touch didn't give me the creeps as it typically does when men make contact with me, but it did feel comforting, and I was craving to rest my head on his shoulder. Okay, I'm going insane.

"How do you feel?"

He asked, still not loosening his hold, and I just nodded, afraid that he would leave me once I said I was fine.

"You need some water."

I shook my head, refusing to let him go. I don't think I have ever been this pitiful before, not even when... anyway, this is the first time.

Minutes passed, and I was still cradled in his arms when I heard a distant honk, and we both jumped at the unexpected sound. Something snapped inside me at that moment, and I shoved him a bit forcibly before leaping to my feet. My legs were shaky after kneeling for so long, and my eyes were wide with disbelief. I am not a damsel in distress, and I have never liked being one, so why was I behaving exactly like that? And that too with a random stranger? Where have my values gone? What happened to my stupid ego? Did it go out to party?

"You good?"

Concern was etched in his tone, and I regarded his features for the first time.

He possessed the looks of both an Asian and an Englishman, indicating that he was of mixed ethnicity. He was really tall and well built. His face was shaved clean, and his wavy brown hair was really a mess. His cheekbones and jaws appeared to be chiseled from a brown rock. Why hadn't I noticed these characteristics the first time I met him? In fact, I felt he was so average that I didn't even recognize him the next day. So, what has changed? Perhaps it's my perspective and how I see him.

"I think you should go."

I muttered breathlessly, and without waiting for his response; I hurried into the house and slammed the door shut before collapsing against the door and lowering myself to the floor. My heart was racing, and the tingling sensation was still overwhelming all of my senses. I could still smell his sweat, which aggravated my already tensed nerves.

"What on earth was that?"

I took a long, cold shower, had some pain meds, and even watched a horror movie, but nothing could get his face out of my head. I was tempted to return and see whether he was still there, but I didn't. I have already shown him my weakest point, and it would be too embarrassing to confront him again tomorrow.

Will he tell everyone how pathetic I am? Will they make fun of me? Will he think I owe him now? But I did owe him something. I felt less upset about Brave after crying that much. Of course, my heart ached every time I thought of him, but it wasn't eating me alive any longer.

"I am sure he'll act all heroic tomorrow."

I grumbled to myself and tossed and turned in bed all night.

This was the first time I had had such intense feelings towards someone, and it was so foreign to me that I couldn't quite put a name to it. Was it love at first sight? No, I don't believe so. Because I am not interested in dating him. Was it anger? No. Because, as ridiculous as it sounds, I want to jump back into his arms. Maybe I've had been single for too long, and it's been years since someone other than my family has come this close to me. My body was probably alerting me that it was sick of being a virgin.

It's not that I haven't dated; I have, but I have never had such a strong connection with someone that I felt compelled to give him my virginity. It was in high school that I realized how significant a mere hymen can be in one's life. And mine was such a remarkable experience. I put those thoughts to the back of my mind and concentrated on how to face the guy tomorrow. Maybe I should approach him first and warn him not to tell anyone. But I think the damage is already done.

God, I have been fine living on my own without any drama all this time. So why now?

..................