27

"Can you run your fingers through your hair holding it up slightly?" Melissa asks as she bends down to get a better angle.

I tilt my body facing away from her and hold up my hair as she asked, "Perfect, lovely" Melissa smiles flashing the camera at me.

I'm currently on a photoshoot for Elle Magazine, I am going to be the cover girl for next month which is so exciting. I just got glammed for my final look for the shoot and the photographer Melissa Adams was just finishing up with the final pictures then I have to sit down for the interview with journalist Peter Gosling who is a genius. I love reading his work, I'm feted that he's going to be interviewing me today.

....

"Can I just say it's an honor that you're interviewing me?" I smile as I sit opposite Peter.

Peter grins, "Oh the pleasure is all mine"

"Shall we get started?" He asks and I nod so he opens up his notebook and presses play on his phone making the recording start.

"How are you doing today Maria?" Peter asks.

"Oh, I'm very well thanks. Yourself?" I smile at him.

"Good, thank you" Peter pauses bringing his finger to his chin, "So I did my research and it turns out that this cover is actually the 38th cover you've had since the beginning of your career"

My eyes widen temporarily, "38th? Oh my, honestly feels like the first every time"

"Does it really?" Peter stares at me intensely.

I nod, "Yeah, it's weird I should be so used to this by now but the nerves and excitement are just as fresh as they were when I was 15" I shrug.

"Is it stressful?" Peter inquirers.

I sigh, "It can be, I get very in my head a week or so before photoshoots in general which do take a toll on me mentally"

"Would you care to elaborate?"

"I struggle with my body image, I have for as long as I can remember and when put into the spotlight where we are meant to look a certain way to be perceived as beautiful. It takes a toll on me because I need to look my best and in order to do that I need to make sure my body looks its best so as much as I hate to admit it and am trying to change this, I tend to fall into unhealthy patterns to make sure my body looks the way I feel the media wants it to" I shrug.

Peter nods, "It is interesting that you're talking about body image struggles because I don't think you've ever talked about your own struggles before but you are an advocate for body positivity, songs like "Beautiful", "Just Me" and "Unique" are not only fan favorites but known worldwide that so many people resonate with"

I nod, "I love that people can relate or feel good after listening to my music. It is truly the greatest feeling in the world but I will be honest when I'm preaching body positivity and self-love on Instagram or on a song I often feel like the biggest hypocrite ever. As I'm telling my fans and these young impressionable girls and boys that they should be kinder to themselves and that they are beautiful just the way they are at the same time I'm tearing myself down every chance that I get but I've come to realize self-love and growth is a process and even though I have dark days I'm working on myself and one day I will be at a place where my body and myself will feel like a gift to me and I can't wait for that but for right now if I can use words to help people get through it I'm going to do it"

"What's something you're doing to try to overcome these struggles?" Peter crosses his legs taking down notes.

"I go to therapy, I've been in therapy since I was 18 it truly has changed my life"

"So you would recommend?" Peter questions.

"Oh 100%, it saved my life and has helped me learn so much about myself that I was told was wrong my whole life. I've always wanted to go to therapy since I was a child because I've struggled with mental health from a very young age and I've talked about my depression and anxiety and I was diagnosed when I was only 11 but my family never believed in mental illness and just that whole society frowns upon it so I was waiting for the day I could stand on my own two feet so I could afford therapy and It's the greatest blessing ever" I smile.

"How do you deal with your mental health off days if you have to work on them?" Peter tilts his head staring into my soul.

I lick my lower lip, "It becomes difficult sometimes where I feel like I can't hide it, I've talked about how my mental health is at an all-time low during tour and because of this we had to shut down 3 different tour movies we had planned, shot even because it just was too intense and I couldn't show those parts of myself to people. However, if I have to film something or record music or even attend an event I'll put my game face on, I've taken several acting classes so I'm not half bad at it" I joke causing Peter to chuckle.

"It's been over a year since you've put out any music which is the longest you've ever gone without putting out music, why's that?"

"I feel like from the beginning of my career I've just been pumping album after album without taking a break to enjoy and relish an era and it just became very overwhelming for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my job so much but I just can't do that anymore because it seems insincere and also like I'm being forced into it which I'm not necessarily but it's just so exhausting and I'll be honest right now I do not feel the need to put out music and a year ago I would've sucked it up and just put something out but right now I don't want to put myself through that. I'm 22, I want to breathe and enjoy this life for a minute." I smile nervously.

"Are you not even recording or writing music these days?" Peter asks.

"Well, I've been writing a ton actually but I feel like I wanted to take some time off after tour for myself and then after that, I just felt like focusing on acting for a bit. I released a song with Carl which was fun and I might put something out because I'm so impulsive" I say causing Peter to chuckle, "But I don't have a plan to put anything out as of right now."

"Is there a finished body of work?"

"Oh yes, but I don't know if it will ever see the light of day because it's a bit unorganized and jumbled but who knows?" I shrug.

"And what should we except from actress Maria Reed?" Peter smiles.

"I hate saying this but I'm not allowed to talk about anything but I do have 2 new movies that are probably going to be out back to back because filming is going to start soon and it's pretty much back to back"

"That sounds hectic?"

"Yeah" I nod, "But I'm over the moon about it which is also why I'm trying not to force music on myself right now because I have these roles I want to prepare for and give my all too but I'm still in the studio whenever I'm inspired"

"So we could get an album next week or next year?" Peter jokes.

I laugh, "Pretty much ya, my label is the best honestly. I'm so grateful that they never push me to put out things and they also never make me wait, if I'm ready so are they so I am very spoilt it's all their fault" I joke causing Paul to chuckle.

"Now I hate to ask this question but everyone wants to know as always, Is Maria Reed single?" Peter wiggles his eyebrows.

I playfully roll my eyes, "I might be, I might not be" I shrug.

"Do you ever get weirded out by the fascination people have with your personal life?"

I sigh tilting my head, "I mean I understand it because I used to be the same with celebrities I watched but I feel like since I go the extra mile to keep everything so private like to this day no one knows about anyone I've seen and I guess that's what bugs people because as a person in the spotlight they need to know what I'm up to"

"Why did you decide to keep your life so private?"

"Hmm from day one I told myself I never want to have a public relationship because I feel like once you start posting about your relationship people start feeling like they have a say in it and that becomes too invasive not to mention I don't want people to constantly connect me to a person if we aren't together anymore. That would be a real bummer having to hear your exes' name and being linked to everything the both of you do. Especially with my music, it's literally therapy for me and I love that I can express myself and essentially say what I want and when but with public relationships people are always going to assume who the song is about which I don't want, at times I have songs I wrote years ago that I put out they shouldn't be about one singular person and also if the relationship ended badly and I write a song about being sad I don't want the other person to have to deal with the slander and backlash so I just don't ever see myself being in a public relationship." I shrug.

"Those sound like very reasonable concerns" Peter nods.