21

"This might be the first valentine's day I'm not spending alone," Karter says running his fingers up and down my arms.

"Why? Every girl you asked out turns you down?" I smirk and Karter chuckles.

"Yeah, something like that" Karter kisses my shoulder softly.

"Well, I'm honored to be your first" I smile at him. Karter lifts my chin up and places a soft kiss on my lips.

"What are your parents like?" Karter asks suddenly.

"What?" I furrow my eyebrows at him.

"What are they like?" Karter shakes his head smiling at me.

"Where is this coming from?"

"We've been together for almost 7 months and you barely mention them ever" Karter shrugs.

"I just don't feel the need to bring them up. they're parents." I nervously laugh.

Karter sits up against the bed frame, "I know very little about you know?"

"What do you mean?" I ask sitting up as well mimicking his position, I grab the covers before they fall off exposing my naked body.

"You barely talk about yourself, I feel like I don't know who Maria is, I know Maria Reed but what about this girl. who's she?" Karter pokes me on the shoulder playfully and I smile.

"Okay, what do you want to know?" I question.

"Tell me about your family for starters" Karter smiles.

"Well, we're just an average nuclear family, my dad, my mom, my two brothers, and I" I shrug.

"What was your childhood like? Are you close with your family?" Karter moves a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"hmm not really, my brothers and I are close-ish I guess" I say biting the inside of my cheek.

"What are your parents like? Do you not get along?" Karter stares at me with curiosity.

I inhale a deep breath, "I love my dad, I think he's the coolest person ever and he's so smart and talented and a genuine human being but he's sorta emotionless like he's kinda just I don't know how to explain it just emotionally distant. He's been like that my whole life, like I know he loves me and I am his favorite child cause I'm the daughter but he never does anything to show it or act on it I don't know" I ramble on.

"That must've been tough for you."

"Not really, I wish he was more present but I know he cares and I know I'm not perfect either so I did push him away parts of my life when he tired because I was just like it's too late, he's great though" I chuckle softly, "I know I'm contradicting myself but he was he is a good father, I'm grateful for him" I smile.

"What about your mom?"

I laugh bitterly, "Yeah that's a whole other situation..."

"What do you mean?"

"My relationship with my mom is pretty messy because we've never really see eye to eye ever, but I don't think she thinks our relationship is bad I think she thinks it's perfect but I know she doesn't like me" I shrug.

"Why?"

"I'm basically everything she didn't want her daughter to be and understandably so she hates everything about me and basically critized me for everything I did my whole life." I smile at him weakily.

"I'm sorry, that sounds rough. Did you guys fight often?" Karter squeezes my hand.

"Oh yeah all the time practically, my dad never stood up for me which is something I do resent him for, he'd always come to me later and be like she loves you she just has a strange way of showing it but like why couldn't you tell her not to talk to your child like that?" I let out a heavy sigh.

"So you really were all alone growing up?" I hate that I could see a look of pity flash through Karter's eyes.

"No my brother Baris is amazing, he stood up for me and took care of me my whole life. My younger brother is always cool but he was just too young to understand at that point" I shrug.

"What are your parents like with each other?"

I laugh, "Oh they can't stand each other."

"Why don't they get divorced?"

"Because in our culture divorce especially for women is frowned upon, however as long as I can remember mama has been telling us the day I get married the next day she's getting a divorce from baba" I chuckle in disbelief.

"Why specifically you getting married?" Karter frowns.

"Cause in our culture no one wants to marry the girl with divorced parents" I roll my eyes.

"But with guy's it doesn't matter?"

I shake my head, "nope"

"What sexist BS" Karter grunts.

"I think the first time I prayed to God was when I was 6 and I prayed for my parents to get a divorce" I joke.

Karter chuckles, "See God isn't real" He says rather seriously and I roll my eyes.

"What do your parents do?"

"Dad's an engineer and Mom's a dentist"

"They sound like lovely people" Karter jokes.

I laugh, "Oh they are, they are very charismatic people. Everyone loves them. My whole life all my friends have ever said is how cool my parents are cause they are so nice and chill" I pause, "little do they know what happens behind closed door" I smile to myself.

"will I get to meet them?"

I laugh shaking my head, "no you will not probably ever"

"so you don't see a future with me?" Karter scowls.

"No it's not that, it's the whole aspect of dating isn't allowed in our religion and you can't just tell your parents you have a boyfriend. I'm not allowed to have one" I laugh.

Karter stares at me unamused, "Allowed? You're a grown woman. No one has the right to tell you what to do"

I roll my eyes, "Not in a brown family Karter"

"So what you lie to your parents forever about me?"

"No I mean, if we ever get married I'll have to tell them. They will still frown upon it because you're white and not Muslim but I will then" I shrug.

"Why marriage?" Karter raises his tone.

"What do you mean why marriage?"

"Why is marriage the one unifying source for you? That is when you'll finally come clean about our relationship?" Karter snaps at me.

"Because marriage makes everything halal aka legal so then it's not like I'm committing a sin or anything," I say as if all of this is common knowledge taught in school.

Karter rolls his eyes, "Oh c'mon Maria. Your parents really expect you to be on lock until marriage? What if that's not what you want?"

"What do you mean, I do want to get married"

"Yeah but the staying a virgin and only being with one guy? We have sex, you've had sex before you met me so what isn't that an automatic pass to hell" Karter raises his hands questioning me.

I grimace, "I don't believe religion is that black and white"

"Then why even practice it if you're going to break the rules you're supposed to follow?"

"Are you saying I'm going to hell because I have premartial sex?" I cross my arms angrily.

"No, I don't believe in hell. Which is why I don't understand why people like you, who are educated liberal people who don't even follow the guidelines of religion properly preach religion" Karter chuckles lowly.

"I believe in God, Karter. I believe in my religion but some things have been misinterprated by other people. I don't believe that the God I believe in is so cruel and inhumane. You can't critizie me for how I choose to live my life regardless of what religion I'm in. That's between me and God"

Karter rolls his eyes, "He is not real Maria. Why do you get so defensive about this?"

I huff, "Defensive? Karter you're insulting my beliefs?"

"See your parents have set unrealistic standards for you like you're meant to be a virgin who gives a shit about that, this is why religion is a sham, religion is just a way for people to keep their families in check and feel good about themselves. Why is it so scary and cruel? What are you even scared of? Telling your parents you aren't a virgin. Who gives a fuck, they'll be mad but they'll get over it." Karter's tone made me feel like I was stupid.

"It's not that simple and it's my life and my decision, I get to do whatever I want"

"Even if that means lying to yourself about your beliefs to feel good and lying to your family about how you choose to live your life because you're scared they'll disown you? Well good riddance, they sound like shitty people." Karter snaps shrugging casually.

My mouth opens in anger but nothing comes out, "I'm exhausted so goodnight" I saying moving to turn off the lamp.

"Maria c'mon don't be like that" Karter whines.

I tuck the covers underneath my face and turn around facing away from Karter and close my eyes trying desperately to fall asleep.