Who likes their ex?

ZOEY's POV

I walked to the elevator and I pressed the button to the rooftop. I needed fresh air, and probably calm down too. I was so furious not at Roy though but at myself. Even after five years, I still let him and his words affect me.

It made me so angry that Nick made what happened years ago seem like less of a big deal when I have spent years trying to make his words stop haunting and after all, that trying, I still failed. I still hear him tell me I'm ugly most of the time when I look in the mirror.

I hated his ignorant attitude just now. He had no right to feel like he knew me at all. Up to date he still thought that he had the right to hurt me five years ago. What does it take for some people to change?

"Bastard," I yelled angrily when I recalled what he said to me just now. That I still loved him. I hated him so much if he were to die today I wouldn't feel hurt. I wouldn't feel anything, to be honest. 

I breathed deeply to calm down and I looked at the red bruises on my wrist. If only I knew how to let him pay for them. 

"You need to ice that before it starts forming purple marks."I heard Roy say and I looked up. Why was he everywhere when I was facing scandal?

"Then you should have brought me one," I told him while wondering what he was doing here. Did he follow me up here?

He walked to stand next to me where I stood next to the rooftop glass compartment but he leaned against it unlike me."My work is not to bring ice to my employees." he said.

I rolled my eyes." Would you die if you cared?"I mumbled to myself.

"What was that you said?" he asked looking at me.

I shook my head immediately." Nothing, I didn't say anything."I lied. I cleared my throat before looking at him."What are you doing here?"I asked but I should have asked how he found me instead. The speed I left in would have been enough for him to trace me.

"Why shouldn't I be here?" he asked.

"Because I want to be alone right now. I am not in the mood to speak to you or anyone in particular."I told him.

He looked at me without saying anything and I felt so seen right now I faced away from him." You don't like that guy from earlier, do you? "he asked and I frowned. Why was he so concerned? And didn't he hear that I wanted to be alone?

I sighed heavily because I had a feeling he wouldn't let this go till I answered him. "He's my ex, who likes their ex?"I asked mirroring his posture but facing the opposite direction from him.

"He does, he seems to like you and you are his ex so I would say he is proof enough you can like your ex," Roy said and snorted.

What did he know." How much did you hear?"I diverted the topic in another direction. Roy was talking nonsense, he knew nothing about Nick.

"What if I said everything?" he said and I looked at him. What did he just say? He had to be lying, right?

"I don't believe you."I refuted his claim.

"It makes me wonder though, how did you look like when you two were together for him to call you ugly and boring?" he asked something unexpected. Was this his way of telling me he heard everything?

I faced him still leaning on the compartment."I see, you heard quite a lot."I smiled sadly. I hoped he had not heard anything. I didn't want him to see me as the person I was earlier."I'm sorry you had to see that."I said.

"I asked you a question, save your apology to yourself, I don't care about it," he said and I raised my eyebrows at him. 

That was so rude and very insensitive of him." I did not look like what I exactly look like now. Maybe he is right, I was boring and disgusting and ugly because I was."I said getting lost in my feelings of how I felt about myself years ago.

"What changed because you are not any of those now?"Roy pried more.

I looked at him smiling. He thought I wasn't any of those things Nick thought about me?" I worked on myself, focused on myself and here I am. Let's say, a certain person made me want to be better. She encouraged me indirectly to keep going and I felt motivated to improve myself."I smiled just thinking about Alex.

She was the person who made me continue to get better. I had to be stronger for her. I had to love her wholeheartedly but first I had to love myself.

But I didn't love who I was years ago so I did something that made me love myself. Thanks to that nurse who gave me a few tips on how to better myself. I appreciate her advice so much for it aided me have the most shocking transformation in my body.

With the help of dermatologists, I had a clear face free of acne and then I hit the gym and I got fit, I got stronger and now my body was the strongest it had ever been.

After all that helped me, I got to love myself and I learned to love others, especially my daughter whom I love unconditionally. I worked so hard to get where I am right now but I don't regret the blood sweat and tears I shed. 

I was not completely healed because I still felt that I didn't need love from other people. My confidence wasn't the best but I was better, mentally and physically. Step by step was what change was.

"You seem to have quite a history. You zone out a lot, are you aware of that?"Roy asked and I realised I had just zoned out."What is it that you think about when you are zoned out?" he snooped.

"Everyone has skeletons in their closets that take over their mind once in a while. You just ignore them and move on because there are matters more important and precious that one cannot afford to lose. ."I said.

"And what are these more important matters that you keep talking about?" what was it with him and the prying questions?

I looked away because I didn't want to show him the emotions on my face as I replied." Family."I said but I knew I was talking about my daughter. She was the most important person in my life and her matters were my priorities.

"Family huh? Well, I disagree with you. I would say you are all that matters in this world. Everyone leaves, even your family and you have nothing left other than yourself. You are the only person who cannot leave yourself. You are the only person who got you, always remember that." he said and I looked at him frowning.

His words held this weight that I felt deep down in my bones. Those words came out so lonely and hurt. Although his face was neutral, I could feel it. Who hurt him that much to feel this alone? I couldn't help but feel sad for him. How hurt can you be to not even express how hurt you are?

But he was not understanding what I meant by family. My daughter and I were the only family I was talking about. I would do anything for her. My mom was my family too and I loved her, but when it came down to my daughter and her, I would give her up without thinking twice.

"You are acting differently, "I stated to change the topic. I had been doing that quite a lot. It's just that the topics lead to unpleasant feelings.

He looked at me with a small smirk."And how do I normally act?"

"Cold, mean, insensitive..."I paused to think how right now he was being so concerned." Right now you are sensitive and although you still have that cold expressionless, I feel your words are a bit warm."I got honest with him.

He continued to look at me." Do you want me to be warmer to you?" he asked and I blinked.

"Why would you do that?"

"You are making my personality seem like a bad thing. I am naturally mean and cold but I can try to be warmer to you. Nobody has ever been honest with me like you did, I can try for you." he said and I looked away smiling.

My cheeks were on fire and I couldn't let him see I was blushing. I was sure my cheeks would be beetroot red if I were to see myself in the mirror. It felt nice to hear those words from Roy. Now he didn't seem that bad. He looked like quite a nice person.

"But you hate me so much, I find it hard to believe you would try for me."I decided to comment to distract myself from dwelling too much on his statement earlier. I was turning into a clown.

He was silent for a while and I looked at him tightening my hold on my bag. What was he thinking about? What was he going to say?" You are right, I can't try for you. Not because I hate you which I do, but because am not capable of showing any kind of emotions. I was just trying to cheer you up by saying the right words. It worked and now you are no longer sad." he said and I sighed disappointedly.

I wish I hadn't commented earlier. I nodded now understanding it, he just wanted to see me smile by saying sweet nothing. I take back what I thought, he was not a nice person.

"Let's go. You seem okay now to attend the next meeting with me. You have wasted enough of my time already with your emotions. " he suddenly said and I glared at him.

He showed his fake concern just because he wanted me to get over being angry and sad so that he could order me like a dog. And what did he say, my emotions were a waste of his time. He was so cruel for saying that to me.