Senioritis-April's fool

4.1.2017

Senioritis strikes once again at high schools worldwide this Spring season. The deadly disease known simply as 'Senioritis' has caused a zombie like apocalypse to spread throughout the globe. Senioritis is highly contagious and common symptoms include: headaches, boredom, lack of energy, shuffling feet, moaning and groaning, puffy eyes, lack of brain activity, drooling, and in extreme cases, death.

"I thought everything was fine, man, but one day, my sister (a senior at CHS) didn't come home. Our parents were so worried until one of her teachers found her still in the classroom, sleeping. That's when everything changed," said junior Lenn Octopus. "She started not being able to speak full sentences. She was always moaning or saying something like 'I don't want to- school' and slowly walking around. We sent her to the hospital, but they told us they couldn't do anything." That's when Octopus realized how serious senioritis really is.

Doctors as well as scientists are puzzled as to who or what caused senioritis to have such a drastic outbreak for mankind. Dr. Seymore Ritis was one of the first to study senioritis. "We've never seen a disease quite like this before. It's fascinating how much of the population has been affected. It seems that it mostly affects high school students on the cusp of graduation, and sometimes college students," said Dr. Ritis. "Some studies show that the victim gets better after graduation, or completing college. It depends on the severity of the infection."

There are different stages of senioritis, if not treated immediately. During stage one, the senior will begin to become lazy, tired, and circles will begin to form under their eyes. Frequent breaks and leisurely activities have shown to help the patient start healing and maintain cognitive function during stage one. This takes around two to three weeks. Make sure that the patient gets enough sleep and doesn't have homework. If a student is still ill afterwards, consult a doctor. Remember that the patient will need rest and shouldn't overwork themselves a month or so after treatment.

During stage two, the senior's symptoms may become worse. The patient may start to have a craving for brains due to loss of brain cells. However, after stage two, the senior is permanently incurable. The student is taken away by the government to prevent an outbreak. Further information about the subjects is unavailable.

They are unsure how the disease broke out. "Everything was all well until one student went to school with senioritis. The next thing I know, loads of kids are sick with it. Really, this school has to stop sharing so much," said senior Olive Mongoose.